I'll Take You Out Though I'm Hardly Worth Your Time

I slowly walk into my Calculus class, bracing myself to completely avoid Alex. Sadly, I have a feeling that he wasn’t going to let me do it that easily. When I went in, he was already there. When I sat on my chair, he was facing me, wearing a huge smile on his face. Shit, how the hell am I going to do this, I thought to myself. He was already giving me a hard time just by smiling at me.

“Hey sunshine! How’s your stomach?” he asked, still wearing his smile

“Uh, fine” I whispered

“Are you okay?” he asked, worried again.

Oh! Don’t give me the worried expression again! It just makes it harder.

“Y-yeah” I answered, not looking at him. I pretended to read my notes and study

He looked at me with what I can feel like a confused look. I mean, we were fine yesterday, I talked to him. But now, I am cold towards him. I would be confused myself if someone treats me like how I am treating him now. He didn’t talk anymore, and instead, he fiddled with his notebook.

He would cast glances at me every now and then during the entire class, but he never spoke again. I felt a little sorry for him. I know I didn’t have a good reason to treat him like this, but I just had to stay away from him. I don’t want to be like those girls and to do this; I have to be strong and firm with what I am doing. If I were weak, I would end up being just another fling he had for a week or two. I don’t wanna be that girl.

When the class ended, I quickly stood up and gathered my things. I noticed that he remained seated and he was literally just staring at me. It looked like he wanted to ask something, but he didn’t. Maybe he was afraid of what I would answer. I was frightened of what may come out my mouth myself if he tried to question my behavior. I proceeded towards the door and exited the room. I could still feel his gaze following me as I turned the knob and walked out. Now that I am walking in the hallway, I can still see the confusion on his face. I know I am being rude, but this is how things are supposed to be. Like I said before, he was just my seatmate. We didn’t have to be best friends or more than that. We just interact in the classroom but outside, we can just ignore each other.

I entered my history classroom and sat next to Jess.

“Are you okay? You looked depressed and problematic.” Jess asked

“I am fine!” I lied and tried to give her my best smile

“Sash, you’re giving me your fake smile. Tell me what’s wrong” she demanded

“Nothing, nothing important.” I muttered

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I would tell you if it mattered that much” I reassured her

“Okay then” she dropped it and we both started to talk about other things

I saw Alex enter the room and I suddenly felt like I was mute. I couldn’t talk, I just stared.

“Sash? Were you listening to what I just said?” Jess waved to my face

“Huh?” I looked at her

“I said, why didn’t you come in with Alex? Don’t you two usually go to history together?”

“Uh, not now. And we don’t always go together” I correct her

“Okay. Oh, he keeps looking at you. He looks gloomy. What happened Sash?”

“Nothing” I plainly answered

“Are you fighting?” she insisted

“Jess, please, can we just not talk about this subject?” I ask

She looks at me, puzzled.

“Sash, if Alex did anything to you, I think you should forgive him already. I mean, look at him! He looks so strained.”

This even made me guiltier because he didn’t do anything to me. He was perfect and adorable. I am just a coward. I can’t face myself.

I just nod and glimpsed at him. He really looked low. He wasn’t even talking to anyone.

I’m so selfish.