Early Sunsets Over Newark

After what Terra did on stage no one said anything to anyone. Not the bands. Not us. Was there any words to say? I wasn't sure. We were heading to a hotel a bit further down south. The bands needed a break from seeing each other every morning of every day and Terra and I needed to isolate ourselves from the others; at least for a night.

I walked into the room that Terra and I had that was in between the band's rooms. I put my over night bag on the ground and looked around. The walls were a pasty yellow. The carpet had various stains from the users before us. There was nothing hanging on the walls. The lighting was dim and I thought the bulb was going to go out at any moment. There was a king size bed with sheets that I was not to keen of sleeping between.

"You would have thought they would get a nicer place." I mumbled walking over to the bed sitting next to Terra.

She looked deep in thought as she sat next to me not saying a word. She had her hands in her lap as she licked her lip ring repeatedly. I swallowed hard. I wasn't sure what to expect. I felt my palms begin to sweat and my organs do strange turns that they shouldn't be doing.

"I don't want to know what he said." Terra looked at me. Concern was no longer evident on her face but it was quickly replaced with a flare of serious. "It must have been bad to upset you in a way." She looked back at the wall. There was a bit of mold forming in the corner.

"Alright." I said quietly. I didn't want to tell her about it anyways. I had a small idea about myself at that point. I assume that I was the key to my own undoing. Slut didn't even sum it up in the least. One day it was Brian and the next Frank and then I had a small fancy for Zack. I was only one person I couldn't be three. I was going to be one; me. No more Frank. No more Brian. No more thinking of Zack. I had enough.

"I'm done." I wasn't sure if I was clear in my statement. I couldn't find any other words.

"What do you mean?" Terra asked looking over at me. Confusion was written over her face; and I didn't blame her.

"With Brian and Frank." I said shrugging my shoulders. "And Zack." I mumbled the last part but she must have heard me because I felt the bed shift. I wasn't going to look at her; I was ashamed. I felt dirty and I could do nothing about it. I sighed. "I mean I fancy him to an extent but.." I blinked a few times. This was harder then I had assumed it would be. I bit my lip so hard I had the vile taste of iron in my mouth. "I shouldn't be this way! God! I am done with guys for now. I have more things to think about. I am going to let go of any of my attractions and put aside my.......okay so I don't know the word for it." I squealed in frustration and fell on the bed running my hands down my face in frustration.

"Makes sense." Terra said falling right next to me. I sighed and snuggled up to her. I would do that when I would stay the night at her house. We would lay in her bed and I would snuggle against her. I missed those days.

Now everything was changing. I still need her and she still needs me but it seems like we are being pulled in different directions. I was scared that we would keep in contact but we would never really see each other again. I was scared shitless.

Time Elapse

I was curled up on my side of the bed. I felt Terra get up and the rattle of metal told me she was puting her jeans back on. I kept my eyes closed. I wanted to jump up and ask where she was going at such an ungodly hour. I heard her small foot steps head toward the door before she opened it and shut it without making noise. I sat up and glanced at the clock. It was nearly one in the morning.

I whipped my eyes and turned on the lamp that was on the night stand. I bit my lip. I wanted to call her or text her so badly; but then she would come back and then she would know that I was faking it. I whipped my face and threw the awful smelling blankets off of me. I stood up and stretched. I was only in a old yellow shirt and a pair of my boxers. I grabbed my smokes and walked outside into the night air.

It was still as hot as ever but I didn't mind. I lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply. For the life of me I couldn't shake the dead that washed over me since she left. I was confused and worried. I finished my smoke and went back inside. I was going to sit up and wait for her, in the dark, until she came back.