Imaginary Eyes

I waved up to Clara as she walked away from my home. She smiled back at me, happy as a clam. I smiled back, my eyes wrinkling just that teeny bit. The lights turned off, and a voice inside of my head told me to sit back and wait for her return. I sat on the pale blue wood that was my floor, and crossed my legs, waiting for my only friend.

She came back five minutes later, loose plaid pants and all, and took me by the hand and brought me over to where she slept. She pulled herself into the lavender sheets and put me next to her. I laid on my right side, much like I usually did, and shut my eyes. The last thing I heard was Clara’s heavy breathing, telling me she was done for the day.

I smiled in my silent sleep.

&&&

I opened my eyes lightly and felt motion. I sat up gently and looked around, a little concerned about where I was. I finally saw Clara and sighed, relieved. She was okay. It didn’t matter where we were, but we were okay.

She was still sleeping, short reddish hair fanned across hard white pillow. Her rosy cheeks perked out and left a glow coming off of the rest of her white body. She tossed a little as the plane rocked when it landed. Her eyes opened slowly. I remained still, not to shock her.

“Hey Ava,” she said. She smiled at me, and then sat up. She looked around the plane at the people rushing out as fast as they could, which wasn’t very fast, and turned back to me. “We should get going, right?”

She turned away before I could nod in response to her question.

She got her bag from above us and whisked me off of the contraption with wings. I stretched as we headed out, side by side, and got through the airport without any bumps or scrapes.

When we got outside, Clara looked back and forth, like she was crossing the street. But the weird thing was, she didn’t move. She just kept looking, until I heard someone call her name. She heard it the second time he called her. She whipped her head around, which worried me with the speed and intensity there was in the turn, and started sprinting towards a boy, who was much taller than her and had dark brown hair and a denim jacket. I held on to her bag with all of my strength so I wouldn’t get left behind.

She kissed him before she fully stopped. I watched with wide, curious eyes.

She pulled away after a moment and grabbed his hands, holding them. She looked down at them, smiling. “I’m glad you came.” she told him.

“What?” he asked. “I told you I would.” He paused. “Didn’t you believe me?”

“What?” she responded, a little shocked. “No. No! I believe you! It was just...” she cut herself off and began to giggle uncontrollably. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead, soon going for her lips again.

I tightened my grip on her bag, my legs shaking with nerves as they kept kissing for about twenty minutes. I would have spoken up if it wouldn’t have upset Clara or her “friend”. I let her be pleased and content for that time frame.

Then, he pulled her closer to him. She whispered, just loud enough for me to tune in. “I have to drop Ava off.” she said, motioning towards me. The boy towered over me, much like everyone else did, and smiled downwardly, because he had no other choice to.

“That’s fine.” he replied. He kissed Clara again and said he’d wait outside for her while she got her stuff packed away. She smiled when they pulled away, and, after a ten minutes drive back home, she walked with a bounce in her step up the walkway and through the door.

She dropped me off at my home after slipping her bag through her sleeping place’s doorway. “Sorry to dump you off like this. But Brendan wants to spend time with me.” she smiled at me. “Thank you for keeping me company during those atrocious three weeks in Tampa. I’m glad you were prepared for the heat.” she laughed at her own joke. “I promise we’ll talk about everything later, okay?”

She waved as she went out the door.

I replied, “It’s fine.” But the door was already closed.

I stood there and looked at my feet. My white flats were still clean, as always, so there was no need to dump that into my cleaning bucket. I walked into my bedroom and eyed myself over in the mirror. No spilling makeup, no grass stains on my petticoats.

I looked perfect, like I’d just come out of a box.

Which I found an odd thought, being I wasn’t little anymore.

I vaguely remembered giving up thoughts like that years ago.

Oh well.

I walked into the den and hit the television, hoping it would work today. Of course, it grumbled at me and refused to turn on. I growled back at it and kicked up, watching it sputter a second, and then going black. I sighed, and as per usual, turned on the record player and played orchestrational tunes with heavy piano as I read one of the many books from my collection.

I stayed up all night waiting for Clara, and eventually fell asleep at about three, when the record player finally stopped and the television stopped buzzing. I woke up to creeping footsteps an hour later.

Clara came in and sat on the floor. She waited for me to respond. “Hey.” she said. I blinked once of twice behind my silvery blonde bangs. “Sorry if I woke you.”

I shrugged, but she didn’t seem to see in the dark.

She went into explaining how Brendan had a Welcome Home party for her, but didn’t tell her. She told me about how she was really in love with him, and begged to spend the night at his house, but he refused, not wanting her to get into deep somethingorother. She had agreed, and started to walk home an hour later, after his friends dragged him off before he could offer her a ride.

Her voice got really sad then, and started cracking. Water fell from her eyes. She covered her mouth and buried her face, mumbling something about Brendan’s once friend Spencer had bothered her on the way home. I couldn’t hear the rest, but she sounded like she was in pain.

She sniffled a little, after about an hour of crying, and looked towards me with swollen eyes. “I guess I don’t have to explain what happened.” she guessed. “You understand. I know you do.” She paused. “I wish you could help me.”

And I wished I could help her too.

Heck, I wished I could understand what happened.

She wiped her eyes and said goodnight, walking out the door and leaving me behind. I looked down at my white shoes again, out of habit.

This time, they were stained with tears.

&&&

Days went by, and Clara wouldn’t really talk to me. Brendan didn’t come over much anymore, and she sort of kept to herself. She maybe came to my home once, while I was sleeping.

A month went by, and Clara still wouldn’t talk. That is, until one day, when the leaves started to change, she came into my room with a box and a timer. She took out a container that was too thick to see what was inside, and opened the box, pulling out something that looked like a thermometer, something I hadn’t seen since we were young.

She put the device into the cup and hit the button on the timer. We waited for what seemed like forever, and finally, the timer beeped. She pulled out the stick and water started to fall again. I stepped back a little so she could have space and I wouldn’t have to scrub mascara out of my flats again.

She held the stick over to me. There was a tiny blue plus sign on a screen. I looked up at her, confused out of my mind. “You see what Spencer did to me?” she said. “I’ll kill that goddamn kid if it’s the last thing I ever do!”

She ran out of the room, still crying.

I didn’t go after her. I understood she needed space at least.

But the space between us grew larger as the weeks went on. Doorbells rang, candy was given out and eaten. Cavities were pulled, and turkey was served to kids who couldn’t chew it properly. The leaves disappeared, as did plates of cookies and the smell of ginger, and gifts were left out. I pulled out the tree with the help of Clara’s mother, who looked as tired as ever, and it went down in a flash.

It had been nearly three months since Clara’s breakdown at my home.

And finally, she came to her senses and showed her face again.

She came in one day when I was reading. I looked up from my book and quickly ran out to the balcony to greet her. I stood there, straight and still, ready to listen to whatever she had to say.

She smiled at me, and that was the only clue to me knowing it was Clara. She looked different now. Her hair was a bit longer, past her shoulders now, and her pale glow was now a bit shinier. But that wasn’t the half of it. The biggest change was her stomach.

It used to be flat and refined, like mine, but now, it was round and protruding outwards. My eyes widened a bit when I came to the realization what had happened to her. I covered my mouth with my hands when she couldn’t see me.

“I know.” she said. “It’s been a while, and it’s all a shock, right?”

I blinked instead of nodding. I was too shocked to move. I was surprised I didn’t tip over and faint as well.

“Yeah, I didn’t think I’d go through with it either.” she explained. “But Brendan is okay with it. God given, if Spencer was still in the area, he’d kill the good for nothing scumbag, but he’s okay. He’s treating her like she is his own.” Her hands went over her stomach protectively.

There was silence between us. I didn’t make a noise, nor breathe.

“I was thinking of the name Eru?” she tried to keep the conversation going. “I’m not entirely sure though. What do you think?”

I didn’t utter a sound.

Suddenly, I heard Brendan’s voice from the other room. “I’m gonna go, okay?” she picked herself up from the floor carefully. “I’ll let you process this out while my teachers give me death stares for the last half of the day.” And with that, she waltzed out.

I blinked a couple of times, processing it all out. My best, and only, friend was with child. The most unlikely person to have kids first was pregnant. God given, she’d be great with kids, but still I was confused at the thought. It didn’t click together right away.

My heart dropped when it did.

Because then, I remembered the thing I least wanted to think about: I couldn’t have kids. Of course, Clara’s being pregnant made me jealous of her. Almost as jealous as I was of her when she hit puberty. Almost as jealous as I felt when she met and fell in love with Brendan in her sophomore year. I sighed, and it all came rushing back, those thoughts.

It was impossible for me to love someone as much as I loved Clara, as a best friend, and my body wasn’t able to withstand holding a child, none the less giving birth to one. I knew Clara’s body was just strong enough for her to do it, but I just couldn’t, even being the same age.

I was porcelain, after all.