To Be Careless Is to Be Reckless

Frank

"What the hell do you mean, you kissed her?!" Gee demanded.

I groaned and buried my face in my hands.

"I told you already, Gee. The minute I saw her, I just knew. I never should've let her go a second time, let alone a third. Dammit, Gerard, I've hurt her so much in our short lifetime. I'll never be able to make it up to her! I've got to try, though. As hard as I possibly can."

Gerard sighed.

"Frankie, it's not that easy. You yourself know this. Lexi isn't one to hold grudges, but... Well, you haven't exactly treated her right. The one time when she was our manager, then when you were engaged after she'd had Destiny, and then this last mysterious time that you won't tell me about, and she won't tell Hailey about. What gives? I've been really, really patient for all these years. We're best friends, bro. Please tell me."

I sighed, and nodded. I drew on the memories that I hated myself for, loathed myself for, even contemplated self-inflicted injuries over.

"It was the same girl," I whispered.

"What? I didn't hear you."

"It was the same girl," I repeated, my voice still barely above a whisper.

"But I don't understand what you mean."

I took a deep breath.

"Remember Alexandra's look-a-like? The one that screwed everything up the last time?"

Gee gasped.

"You went back to her? You messed around with her again?! You got drunk and you sl--"

"No. My point is, I didn't do anything."

"Again, I don't understand."

"Gerard, after that one night, I never saw her again. When I realized she wasn't Lexi, I flipped on her. I told her she could never be as good or anything close to the real Lexi. She got pissed and said she'd make me regret ever saying that. So a few years down the road, she somehow gets a hold of Lexi, calls her, and asks for a face-to-face meeting. She then proceeds to tell Lexi all sorts of lies, calling herself my mistress, saying that I wanted to get away from Lexi because I didn't want a wife and children. So, thus, the ending of my marriage and my happy, fairytale ending."

I quickly and carefully wiped at the moist lines travelling down my face.

"What?! Frank, why didn't you tell her all of this? You could've kept the divorce from happening!"

I shook my head.

"Because, Gerard. I had promised her, gave her my word that I would never do that to her again. I told her that I would never again be the breaker of her heart. And then, she thought I did it all over again, never giving me the benefit of the doubt, proving she still didn't trust me. That hurt worse than anything in the world, my wife not trusting me and believing I could do such a thing... again. Sometimes I wish... wish that I could go back in time and never had fallen for her, or made her hate me before she'd fallen for me, so I could never truly know and love her It would be better than this."