Sequel: Can't Have You ›
From Gumboots To Jimmy Choo's
Confessions.
After that little, interruption I stayed in my room, writing some meaningless songs down. Nick's words echoed in my head,
"Told you I'd beat that.."
I couldn't deny it. It feltnice no,great, wait, amazing to kiss him. My head whirled with the image of his face as he leant down, his lips against my own. I threw my pen down in frustration and dragged my hand down my face, sighing loudly.
I turned on i-tunes and settled on to my bed as 'Hold On' by none other then 'The JoBro's' began playing. Ironic much? I got up reluctantly and changed the song, settling back down on my bed. 'Paper Planes' started and I sung/spoke softly along. I hadn't noticed Tyler silently entering my room. I only realised his presence when I felt my bed droop slightly. I opened my eyes and looked at him, his face serious.
"Don't, please Tyler." I said quietly, unable to look my brother in the eye.
"Zoe, I need to know." He said in the same tone.
"Need to know what Ty? Sam and I are over, can't we just leave it at that?" I asked returning my gaze to the ceiling. Tyler shifted closer, "Zoe, the way you were the other day. T-that's not like you."
"No, I'm not quite myself when I'm around him." I mumbled, feeling ashamed.
"Please? I'll say nothing about it to the others, I promise Zo." Tyler said, taking my small hand in his.
My dear, sweet brother. I couldn't let him know this, it would rip his heart out. He could never look at his baby sister the same way.
Brace yourself Tyler.. I said quietly in my head.
"Do you remember that night I came home at two in the morning? You asked me what was wrong and I made out I was drunk so you wouldn't get angry. Well, you did because I was drunk but the real reason you'd have been angry for was a lot more than what I thought you'd handle. I mean, you've said it yourself, you've never been good with bad news." I said and Tyler squeezed my hand, urging me to go on.
I took a deep breath before continuing, "Well, the party I was at got just a bit out of control. People were all doing grosse stuff everywhere, I asked Sam if we could somewhere more private. I-I didn't think when I said it, I-I-I never knew he had another idea in mind."
I whimpered as tears stung at my eyes, Tyler pulled me to his side, his muscular wrapped tightly around me as I began talking again.
"We were down in the basement. H-He said I would be safe with him, that he would always be my knight in shining armour and willingly I believed," I got a bit choked up and a few tears fell from my eyes, splashing on my hands that were folded in my lap.
+
"Baby, come on. It's only us, I've never hurt you? I love you." Sam said smoothly, leading me down to the basement.
I giggled lightly, the alcohol affecting my head, "I love you too."
We ended up sitting on the couch down there, Sam stunk of alcohol but I didn't care. It started off slowly, small kisses here and there. I allowed Sam to touch my body, we'd gotten this far many times before.
As he pushed his tongue in mine, I could feel his soft hands trailing up my thigh and under my skirt. A warning flashed in my head but the alcohol subdued it. He tugged at my underwear, sliding one finger underneath the lace material, touching me.
I stopped kissing back but Sam didn't notice, he rubbed gently, more fingers under the lace now. I wasn't sure, I hadn't gone this far and I wasn't sure I really wanted to, alcohol or no alcohol. He pushed a finger in and I gasped in pain as he suddenly began pushing inside of me. Another gasp of pain as he pushed in two fingers.
"No." I slurred, trying to push him off.
Where was my savior? Where was the boy who would never hurt me?
Sam wouldn't listen, he had to have his way. I tried to writhe away, I struggled against him. My small body was no match, he soon had my underwear off. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I begged him not too, as I begged to be let go.
His zip was down and he was fast pulling off his pants. His boxers were next and I cried harder, this wasn't meant to happen. Not now. Not this way.
He tried to shush me with murmur's of 'I love you,'. I felt him spread my legs, my head hurt, my vision blurring from my tears.
"No. Please, stop!" I repeated over again as he thrust into me. A scream erupted from my throat as he kept thrusting, harder and harder, his moans loud.
I whimpered, begging him to stop. Finally, he was done. I didn't bother with my underwear, I wanted to get out to leave, to be as far away from Sam Mitchell's as I possibly could.
That night, I lost not only my virginity but my innocence. And to my despair,
I lost myself.
+
"I-I didn't even realise what was happening I was so drunk. It all happened so fast, I told him I wasn't ready but he- he just wouldn't listen!" I cried, "Oh Tyler I'm so sorry, it was all my fault. I should've known better."
I buried my head into his chest as the tears ran freely now, Tyler stroked my hair.
"Zoe, look at me." He instructed. Reluctantly, I forced my red eyes to look up at him. Tears of anger had welled up in his own and he breathed deeply, "Remember this alright?"
I nodded.
"That was never you're fault. He was in the wrong. Not you." He said strongly.
"I-I just feel so dirty whenever he's near me. I'm sorry Tyler." I cried again.
"Zoe, you're my baby sister, you have nothing to apologise for. As for that fucking bastard Mitchell's-" He growled.
"No! Please, Tyler don't! I'm begging you, just don't say anything! Please?" I pleaded, looking up at him.
"Zoe, we nee-"
"No, no. There's nothing we need to do. What's done is done. I-I don't want it all being dragged back up, please, this once, do as I say." I whimpered, clutching at his shirt.
Against his better judgement he reluctantly nodded. Never had my heart been so torn as in that moment I saw the pain behind my brother's eyes as I told him of what someone had done to his baby sister. I was supposed to be one ray of sunshine, that little girl who thought the world of everything, the one who believed anything and everything was possible and the one who only needed saving from her nightmares.
Never had my heart been so torn when my brother finally saw me as, not his ray of sunshine sister with not a care of the world on her shoulders, but a child who suddenly bore a heavy burden, the burden of rape.
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
"Told you I'd beat that.."
I couldn't deny it. It feltnice no,great, wait, amazing to kiss him. My head whirled with the image of his face as he leant down, his lips against my own. I threw my pen down in frustration and dragged my hand down my face, sighing loudly.
I turned on i-tunes and settled on to my bed as 'Hold On' by none other then 'The JoBro's' began playing. Ironic much? I got up reluctantly and changed the song, settling back down on my bed. 'Paper Planes' started and I sung/spoke softly along. I hadn't noticed Tyler silently entering my room. I only realised his presence when I felt my bed droop slightly. I opened my eyes and looked at him, his face serious.
"Don't, please Tyler." I said quietly, unable to look my brother in the eye.
"Zoe, I need to know." He said in the same tone.
"Need to know what Ty? Sam and I are over, can't we just leave it at that?" I asked returning my gaze to the ceiling. Tyler shifted closer, "Zoe, the way you were the other day. T-that's not like you."
"No, I'm not quite myself when I'm around him." I mumbled, feeling ashamed.
"Please? I'll say nothing about it to the others, I promise Zo." Tyler said, taking my small hand in his.
My dear, sweet brother. I couldn't let him know this, it would rip his heart out. He could never look at his baby sister the same way.
Brace yourself Tyler.. I said quietly in my head.
"Do you remember that night I came home at two in the morning? You asked me what was wrong and I made out I was drunk so you wouldn't get angry. Well, you did because I was drunk but the real reason you'd have been angry for was a lot more than what I thought you'd handle. I mean, you've said it yourself, you've never been good with bad news." I said and Tyler squeezed my hand, urging me to go on.
I took a deep breath before continuing, "Well, the party I was at got just a bit out of control. People were all doing grosse stuff everywhere, I asked Sam if we could somewhere more private. I-I didn't think when I said it, I-I-I never knew he had another idea in mind."
I whimpered as tears stung at my eyes, Tyler pulled me to his side, his muscular wrapped tightly around me as I began talking again.
"We were down in the basement. H-He said I would be safe with him, that he would always be my knight in shining armour and willingly I believed," I got a bit choked up and a few tears fell from my eyes, splashing on my hands that were folded in my lap.
+
"Baby, come on. It's only us, I've never hurt you? I love you." Sam said smoothly, leading me down to the basement.
I giggled lightly, the alcohol affecting my head, "I love you too."
We ended up sitting on the couch down there, Sam stunk of alcohol but I didn't care. It started off slowly, small kisses here and there. I allowed Sam to touch my body, we'd gotten this far many times before.
As he pushed his tongue in mine, I could feel his soft hands trailing up my thigh and under my skirt. A warning flashed in my head but the alcohol subdued it. He tugged at my underwear, sliding one finger underneath the lace material, touching me.
I stopped kissing back but Sam didn't notice, he rubbed gently, more fingers under the lace now. I wasn't sure, I hadn't gone this far and I wasn't sure I really wanted to, alcohol or no alcohol. He pushed a finger in and I gasped in pain as he suddenly began pushing inside of me. Another gasp of pain as he pushed in two fingers.
"No." I slurred, trying to push him off.
Where was my savior? Where was the boy who would never hurt me?
Sam wouldn't listen, he had to have his way. I tried to writhe away, I struggled against him. My small body was no match, he soon had my underwear off. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I begged him not too, as I begged to be let go.
His zip was down and he was fast pulling off his pants. His boxers were next and I cried harder, this wasn't meant to happen. Not now. Not this way.
He tried to shush me with murmur's of 'I love you,'. I felt him spread my legs, my head hurt, my vision blurring from my tears.
"No. Please, stop!" I repeated over again as he thrust into me. A scream erupted from my throat as he kept thrusting, harder and harder, his moans loud.
I whimpered, begging him to stop. Finally, he was done. I didn't bother with my underwear, I wanted to get out to leave, to be as far away from Sam Mitchell's as I possibly could.
That night, I lost not only my virginity but my innocence. And to my despair,
I lost myself.
+
"I-I didn't even realise what was happening I was so drunk. It all happened so fast, I told him I wasn't ready but he- he just wouldn't listen!" I cried, "Oh Tyler I'm so sorry, it was all my fault. I should've known better."
I buried my head into his chest as the tears ran freely now, Tyler stroked my hair.
"Zoe, look at me." He instructed. Reluctantly, I forced my red eyes to look up at him. Tears of anger had welled up in his own and he breathed deeply, "Remember this alright?"
I nodded.
"That was never you're fault. He was in the wrong. Not you." He said strongly.
"I-I just feel so dirty whenever he's near me. I'm sorry Tyler." I cried again.
"Zoe, you're my baby sister, you have nothing to apologise for. As for that fucking bastard Mitchell's-" He growled.
"No! Please, Tyler don't! I'm begging you, just don't say anything! Please?" I pleaded, looking up at him.
"Zoe, we nee-"
"No, no. There's nothing we need to do. What's done is done. I-I don't want it all being dragged back up, please, this once, do as I say." I whimpered, clutching at his shirt.
Against his better judgement he reluctantly nodded. Never had my heart been so torn as in that moment I saw the pain behind my brother's eyes as I told him of what someone had done to his baby sister. I was supposed to be one ray of sunshine, that little girl who thought the world of everything, the one who believed anything and everything was possible and the one who only needed saving from her nightmares.
Never had my heart been so torn when my brother finally saw me as, not his ray of sunshine sister with not a care of the world on her shoulders, but a child who suddenly bore a heavy burden, the burden of rape.
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here