From Gumboots To Jimmy Choo's

The next morning when I woke there was no-one there. My mystery person had come and gone. Wearily, I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom. My hair was horrid. It stuck up in awkward places, much like Tyler's and Caleb's the other day and it was knotty. I got into the shower and washed it, combing it out after I had put conditioner in.

I was auto-pilot, that much I knew. I brushed my teeth after my shower then changed into a yellow v-neck sweater and long blue skinny jeans. I put on my socks and then left my hair to dry on it's own. No-one was up, it was only five-thirty. I sat in the kitchen, eating my cereal though it tasted like cardboard.

I raised the spoon and chewed the cereal slowly, my mind empty of all thought. Was this what it felt like when you were left with nothing else? Was this hollow feeling in me the product of finally telling someone the dark memories and pain I had repressed?

I stared down at my now empty bowl. I didn't bother moving, I just sat there. I was soon joined by Caleb.

"Zoe? Are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded, my throat constricting my speaking. He placed a finger under my chin and tilted my head up to look at him, "You can't lie to your brother."

No, I couldn't. But it was better this way.

"Tell me Zoe."

I shook my head and pulled my head away, clearing my dishes then leaving the kitchen. I walked to Roo's stable. I saddled him up, took him outside then got up on him and rode out to the stream in the forest. I don't know how long I was there for. It was peaceful, just the chirping of the birds and the soft running water were all I heard. I was able to think clearly.

Stop this. I thought. This isn't you.

I don't even remember who I am.

You're Zoe Cooper. You're the one who doesn't let her fear get the better of her.

I don't think I can be that girl anymore.

You never stopped being that girl.

She's trapped. Trapped deep inside me. I don't have the key for the lock

You know what can unlock her. Don't be afraid to trust. He is not Sam Mitchell's.

No. I can't. Not anymore. I can't subject myself to that.

He can help you. He wants to help you.

I'm scared. Mum, I'm scared.

Zoe, my darling. I'm here. There's no need to be scared. Trust in him Zoe. That's all you need to do.

I love you mum

I love you too, it's time for you to head back now. Go on.

I rode back to the stables. I lingered in Roo's stable, not wanting to face what I had to do. How could I do it? No. Zoe don't. Stop thinking like that.

I squared my shoulders and strode back to the house. It was as if mum had planned this because all the Jonases had left for something, only my brothers and my father were in the lounge. I took a few deep breaths before walking in and turning off the t.v. Tyler eyed me with confusement but when he saw the look in my eyes, he knew what I was going to do.

"What's wrong doll?" Dad asked, his voice concerned.

I'm sorry daddy..

Then I told them. I told them every last detail. I told them the secret I had fought to conceal for a year and yet I did not shed one single tear. I could feel my mother, my beautiful, sweet mother behind me, encouraging me.

I was done and I waited for the yelling I was to receive for not having said anything further. But there was no yelling. All four of them simply came and hugged me. They did not find me repulsive, they did not find me dirty nor did they think any less of me. They were there for me and they loved me.

Then, I cried.