Just Stay With Me Awhile

When Lili got back to the Motley bus that night, everyone was already in their hotel rooms, either sleeping or ‘talking’ with people. Lili sighed, grabbing a pack of Marlboros out of the cupboard, knowing that they were Nikki’s, and knowing that he wouldn’t care if she took a pack. She grabbed a lighter while she was at it, and walked back off of the bus into the cool air, needing to mull over what had happened at Jesse’s hotel room in her mind.

She’d always had a crush on the boy, who was just a year older than herself. She’d grown up with him, spending a lot of time either at his house, or he at hers. And her father had never liked him much, worried that he was doing what he’d done as a kid, and that she’d end up pregnant. But Jesse had never responded to Lili’s flirting, and she’d eventually just settled for being friends with him. By the time they were both old enough, he had a girlfriend who he’d liked a lot at the time, and she had her own boyfriend; one of Jesse’s friends. So they had just left it at that. But over the years, she’d always wondered what would have happened if they’d pursued a relationship with each other. She knew that, even if things didn’t work out in the long run, they’d always be friends. They were too close to let something like a ruined romantic relationship ruin a lifetime of friendship. And now, she knew that he had at least some sort of minimal feelings for her; whether they be that he was just horny and wanted to get laid, or he really liked her and wanted a relationship, she wasn’t sure. But it scared the hell out of her. Particularly after her breakup with Zack. Though she’d never show it to her father, her uncles, or even the fans, who kept close eyes on the band and, as a result, herself, he had hurt her. She’d been extremely hurt when she’d found Zack in bed with Gena, the very girl he’d cheated on to be with Lili.

“Hey,” A voice said, pulling her out of her thoughts. She looked up to see Zacky standing there, a cigarette in his own hand. “I didn’t know you smoke.”

“What do you know about me?” She retorted, glaring at him for a few seconds before exhaling the smoke out of her mouth. She smiled to herself when Zack choked lightly on it.

“That wasn’t nice,” He glared at her, before he sighed, and looked resignedly down at the ground. “And I know a lot about you, Lil.”

“Don’t call me that,” She told him. “Only my friends can call me shortened versions of my name, Zachary.”

He sighed, before looking back up at her. “Look, you didn’t get the whole story, Lili.” He told her. “Yes, she was on top of me, and yes, I was naked. But that doesn’t mean I fucked her.”

“Well, then what does it mean, Zachary?” She scoffed, trying not to let the tears that threatened to fall out of her hazel eyes out. It would be letting Zacky win if he let her see that he’d hurt her. “And don’t tell me she raped you.”

“She didn’t…She didn’t rape me, Lili. But it’s not like I cheated on you. I know that’s what it looked like, but I didn’t.”

“You know what, Zack?” She said, wiping blindly at her face when she realized that the tears had started to fall out of her eyes. “It doesn’t even matter anymore, okay? I’m used to being cheated on; life goes on. You don’t have to apologize. But don’t try to sit there and make yourself the victim, okay? And another thing…I don’t want to be ‘friends.’ I’ve never been much good at being friends with guys who’ve cheated.”

With that, Lili threw her cigarette on the ground, stomped it out, and walked briskly towards the hotel lobby, so she could go to her room and be by herself.