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Just Stay With Me Awhile

Hellbent on Hating

Lili froze when she heard Zacky’s question. She groaned, and looked at the floor; turned around and faced the window. Anything but having to meet Zacky’s gaze. His eyes hypnotized her, and she was afraid that she’d tell him yes if she looked into his beautiful eyes.

“Lili?” Zacky’s voice said quietly, bringing her back to her senses. She still didn’t turn around; she looked out at the New York City skyline outside of her window. It was actually kind of beautiful, though she wouldn’t trade Los Angeles for it. “Hey, are you going to answer me?”

“No,” She said, her voice a whisper. “I’m not.”

She felt him walking towards her, and felt him put his hands on either side of her hips.

“Turn around and look at me, Lili.” He said quietly. She groaned, but did as he asked. She knew that if she didn’t, he would make her do it. And she didn’t like to be made to do anything.

“I you can look me in the eyes and tell me that you’re not going to answer that; that you don’t want me to touch you, kiss you, or hold you ever again, I’ll walk away. I’ll go to the bathroom, get dressed, and walk out of here. I’ll leave you alone. But if you can’t tell me that and make me believe you, I’m not going to leave. I’ll stay, and I’ll fight for you.”

She took a deep breath, listening to his challenge.

For the first time in her life, Lili Neil wasn’t sure she could beat his challenge. She had never lost at anything; she was used to winning, and used to getting her way. But what Zacky was asking her to do was impossible. Because, inside of her somewhere, she did want those things.

She wanted him to touch her. To feel his callused fingers on her smooth, soft skin. To feel his lips breathing butterfly kisses along her lips, neck, and shoulder. To feel him inside of her, making her feel complete in a way that none of her boyfriends before him had ever done.

But at the same time, she didn’t want any of those things. He had hurt her; he had betrayed her. It wasn’t something she liked, nor was it something she ever forgave. In her opinion, it was ‘once a cheater, always a cheater.’ And he had cheated. What would stop him from doing it again? Even if it was true what he had said…that Gena had forced herself onto him…She didn’t know if she could ever fully trust him again.

And trust was everything to her. It was all she had.

“I’m waiting,” Zack said, his hands still on her hips, holding her in place. She sighed, before looking up into his eyes. Instinctively, her knees nearly buckled, and she almost fell to the ground. They were mesmerizing, his eyes. They were stunning. They stopped her in her tracks. He didn’t notice this, though, and she spoke, her voice slow and deliberate.

“I don’t want you to touch me.” She said slowly. “I don’t want you to kiss me. I don’t want to see you again.”

Zack smiled at her, and shook his head. “Now, if you could tell me that with conviction and emotion, I might believe you. Do you want to try again?”

“What do you want, Zack?” She asked, looking down at the floor, unable to keep her gaze on his any longer.

“You,” He told her. “I want you. That’s all I want, Lili.”

“Well, I certainly don’t want you.” She said, trying to put vehemence into her voice. But she knew the second that it came out, he wouldn’t believe her. She had started crying when she said it. And Zacky was smart enough to know it was because she did, in fact, want him.

“Why are you so hellbent on hating me?” He asked her quietly. “Why can’t you just trust me?”

“Because you hurt me, Zack. Regardless of if you meant to or not. And I don’t take getting hurt well.” She said, wiping away at the tears.

“How can I prove to you that I’m not out to hurt you?” He asked her, putting one of his hands on her cheek. “What will it take to prove that I love you?”

“Don’t say that,” She said sharply. “You don’t love me. Not really. You don’t know what love is, Zackary Baker.”

“You don’t know how strongly I feel about you, then,” Zack told her. “And I’m going to prove it to you somehow or another.”

“I think you should probably go back to your room,” She said airily. “Just leave me alone, Zack. Please. It’s for the best of both of us.”