Status: Slow updates; getting faster XD
Just Stay With Me Awhile
Nausea
It had been four nights since the night Lili and Brian had had sex in the back of the rental SUV, and they were now traveling on their way to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. It had been a long four days for Lili; she’d been avoiding both Brian and Zacky, trying to figure everything out in her head, sorting through what Tommy had told her.
Who did she love more? She wasn’t sure. Zack had deeply hurt her, though when Lili really thought about it, the more she replayed the scene in her mind, the more she realized that Zack had seemed to be pushing Gena off of him. So he hadn’t technically cheated on her, and she’d just taken the first chance she’d gotten to get out of a relationship she’d been unsure of even before that incident.
Brian, on the other hand, had never done so much as raise his voice at her. He’d been one of her best friends since the beginning of the tour, and he’d been there for her when she’d wallowed in grief over Zack. He’d been everything from her drinking buddy to her shoulder to cry on, and she appreciated it. But had she fucked things up by getting romantically involved with him? Had having sex with him ruined their great friendship? She knew that he cared deeply for her; it was evident, with how he treated her. But did he love her? Could he love her?
Frustrated, she pushed a hand through her long, dirty blonde hair before she stood up and walked over to the couch, where Jimmy lay sprawled out along the entire surface. Smiling lightly, she sat on his legs, causing him to open his eyes and look at her.
“Since when have my legs become cushions for your bony ass?” He joked. She laughed.
“Since whenever the couch became your bed, Beanstock,” She retorted, using her nickname for him. He faked an offended look, and then moved his legs so that she could sit on the couch. She leaned her face against the cool glass of the bus, and looked out at the passing scenery of dried yellow grass and a bright blue sky. Oklahoma was definitely a world away from Los Angeles, but Lili thought it was beautiful nonetheless.
“So what does my little minion have on her mind?” Jimmy asked her, scooting so that he was sitting next to her. Lili felt a serious tone in his voice, and knew that he was aware that something was going on. The dynamics of her friendship with Brian had changed; Lili was sure everyone on the bus could see it by now. She just hoped that none of them knew what was causing the tension.
“Just thinking about L.A.,” She told him, hoping he’d buy the lie. He didn’t, however; it was written all over his face that he wasn’t believing a word Lili said. He sighed, and then leaned in.
“You know you can tell me whatever it is that’s bothering you, right? I can be your personal therapist,” He said, leaning back up and saying the last half of the sentence loudly enough so that everyone could hear, causing them to chuckle.
“Jimmy? As a therapist? Oh, that would be the day Hell froze over and Heaven got invaded by flying pigs.” Johnny retorted.
“He’d be a good therapist,” Matt interjected. “He could tell teenage boys how to deal with sex issues, and encourage girls to—“
“Okay, okay. So it might take forever for me to get a license. No need to rub it in,” Jimmy fake pouted, standing up and giving Lili a serious look before yawning. “I’m going to the back to continue my catnap.”
Everyone laughed, and watched as he walked to the back. Lili smiled in spite of herself before continuing looking at the scenery. It had been a few minutes longer before she felt someone sit down next to her on the couch. She diverted her attention away from the countryside long enough to look over at who’d sat on the couch, and she inwardly groaned when she saw Brian.
“Hey,” He said, his voice low enough so that no one else would be able to hear him without noticeably eavesdropping. She gave him a fake smile, and then looked away from him; she couldn’t meet his gaze, his eyes were far too intense.
“Hi.” She told him, hoping her tone insinuated that she didn’t want to talk to him. Apparently, he didn’t get the message.
“You look good in that outfit,” He murmured to her. She sighed, knowing what Brian was trying to do: distract her. It wasn’t going to work, though, she told herself. She still hadn’t figured out who she wanted to try a relationship with, and until she did, she wasn’t spending any real time with either Brian nor Zacky. She didn’t want to hurt them more than she already knew she had, and she didn’t want to get their hopes up.
“Thanks,” She said, her voice halfhearted. Suddenly, she felt a lump rise up in her throat, and she got up, running to the bus’s bathroom and falling to the floor in front of the toilet before upchucking the McDonald’s breakfast burrito she’d had that morning. A wave of nausea hit Lili as the contents of her stomach spilled into the white toilet bowl, the scent disturbing her nose. When she was done, she stood up, not feeling any of the nausea she’d just felt. She washed her hands and brushed her teeth, using Zacky’s toothbrush—he wouldn’t mind if he didn’t know—and walked out into the main part of the bus again. When she did, she was aware that everyone’s eyes were on her.
“You okay, Lil?” Matt asked her, worry edging his voice. She smiled and nodded.
“Yeah,” She told him. “It must have been something in the burrito.”
“If you’re sure,” Matt said, smiling. He trusted Lili, and if she didn’t think anything was wrong, then she was probably right. She walked back to the couch, finding that Brian had gotten up and gone somewhere else, presumably to the back of the bus.
The bus stopped about an hour later, and Lili watched as everyone else got off. She decided to stay on, knowing that they were only stopping for a few minutes so everyone could get off the bus for awhile and stretch out their legs, get something to eat, and go to the bathroom.
She hadn’t been alone for more than ten minutes before the bus door opened and Zacky walked on, walking over to her and sitting on the couch next to her, his eyes looking sad. Lili took a minute to study his face; he looked rough. He didn’t appear to have gotten any sleep in a few nights, and there was at least two days of growth on his face, creating a shadow along the lower part of his jaw that looked sexy to Lili. It was his eyes that worried Lili the most, though; his eyes looked mentally exhausted.
“Did I do something wrong again?” He asked her quietly, placing his hand above hers on her knee, his eyes searching hers fervently. She sighed and shook her head, reaching up with her free hand to touch his face.
In those few seconds, she had figured out what she’d been trying to figure out for four days. She knew who she loved the most between Zack and Brian.
“No,” She said, giving him a smile. “It was all me.”
“What’s wrong?” He asked her. “I’ll do anything I can to help, anything to stop you from avoiding me. I just…I can’t take the uncertainty, Lili,” He told her, his voice rushed. “It’s like even though you’re here, you’re not, and I need you here, Lili. I need you in my life, and not just as someone who—“
Lili cut off Zack’s rambling, which wasn’t making any sense to her at all, and pushed her lips against his, cutting off his words. Zack got the message and quickly returned the kiss just as passionately, pulling her against his chest and leaning her down, tangling his hands in her hair as he deepened their kiss.
When they finally came up for air, their eyes locked in an intense gaze, and she smiled at him. “I’m here, Zack,” She whispered. “And I’m here to stay.”
Who did she love more? She wasn’t sure. Zack had deeply hurt her, though when Lili really thought about it, the more she replayed the scene in her mind, the more she realized that Zack had seemed to be pushing Gena off of him. So he hadn’t technically cheated on her, and she’d just taken the first chance she’d gotten to get out of a relationship she’d been unsure of even before that incident.
Brian, on the other hand, had never done so much as raise his voice at her. He’d been one of her best friends since the beginning of the tour, and he’d been there for her when she’d wallowed in grief over Zack. He’d been everything from her drinking buddy to her shoulder to cry on, and she appreciated it. But had she fucked things up by getting romantically involved with him? Had having sex with him ruined their great friendship? She knew that he cared deeply for her; it was evident, with how he treated her. But did he love her? Could he love her?
Frustrated, she pushed a hand through her long, dirty blonde hair before she stood up and walked over to the couch, where Jimmy lay sprawled out along the entire surface. Smiling lightly, she sat on his legs, causing him to open his eyes and look at her.
“Since when have my legs become cushions for your bony ass?” He joked. She laughed.
“Since whenever the couch became your bed, Beanstock,” She retorted, using her nickname for him. He faked an offended look, and then moved his legs so that she could sit on the couch. She leaned her face against the cool glass of the bus, and looked out at the passing scenery of dried yellow grass and a bright blue sky. Oklahoma was definitely a world away from Los Angeles, but Lili thought it was beautiful nonetheless.
“So what does my little minion have on her mind?” Jimmy asked her, scooting so that he was sitting next to her. Lili felt a serious tone in his voice, and knew that he was aware that something was going on. The dynamics of her friendship with Brian had changed; Lili was sure everyone on the bus could see it by now. She just hoped that none of them knew what was causing the tension.
“Just thinking about L.A.,” She told him, hoping he’d buy the lie. He didn’t, however; it was written all over his face that he wasn’t believing a word Lili said. He sighed, and then leaned in.
“You know you can tell me whatever it is that’s bothering you, right? I can be your personal therapist,” He said, leaning back up and saying the last half of the sentence loudly enough so that everyone could hear, causing them to chuckle.
“Jimmy? As a therapist? Oh, that would be the day Hell froze over and Heaven got invaded by flying pigs.” Johnny retorted.
“He’d be a good therapist,” Matt interjected. “He could tell teenage boys how to deal with sex issues, and encourage girls to—“
“Okay, okay. So it might take forever for me to get a license. No need to rub it in,” Jimmy fake pouted, standing up and giving Lili a serious look before yawning. “I’m going to the back to continue my catnap.”
Everyone laughed, and watched as he walked to the back. Lili smiled in spite of herself before continuing looking at the scenery. It had been a few minutes longer before she felt someone sit down next to her on the couch. She diverted her attention away from the countryside long enough to look over at who’d sat on the couch, and she inwardly groaned when she saw Brian.
“Hey,” He said, his voice low enough so that no one else would be able to hear him without noticeably eavesdropping. She gave him a fake smile, and then looked away from him; she couldn’t meet his gaze, his eyes were far too intense.
“Hi.” She told him, hoping her tone insinuated that she didn’t want to talk to him. Apparently, he didn’t get the message.
“You look good in that outfit,” He murmured to her. She sighed, knowing what Brian was trying to do: distract her. It wasn’t going to work, though, she told herself. She still hadn’t figured out who she wanted to try a relationship with, and until she did, she wasn’t spending any real time with either Brian nor Zacky. She didn’t want to hurt them more than she already knew she had, and she didn’t want to get their hopes up.
“Thanks,” She said, her voice halfhearted. Suddenly, she felt a lump rise up in her throat, and she got up, running to the bus’s bathroom and falling to the floor in front of the toilet before upchucking the McDonald’s breakfast burrito she’d had that morning. A wave of nausea hit Lili as the contents of her stomach spilled into the white toilet bowl, the scent disturbing her nose. When she was done, she stood up, not feeling any of the nausea she’d just felt. She washed her hands and brushed her teeth, using Zacky’s toothbrush—he wouldn’t mind if he didn’t know—and walked out into the main part of the bus again. When she did, she was aware that everyone’s eyes were on her.
“You okay, Lil?” Matt asked her, worry edging his voice. She smiled and nodded.
“Yeah,” She told him. “It must have been something in the burrito.”
“If you’re sure,” Matt said, smiling. He trusted Lili, and if she didn’t think anything was wrong, then she was probably right. She walked back to the couch, finding that Brian had gotten up and gone somewhere else, presumably to the back of the bus.
The bus stopped about an hour later, and Lili watched as everyone else got off. She decided to stay on, knowing that they were only stopping for a few minutes so everyone could get off the bus for awhile and stretch out their legs, get something to eat, and go to the bathroom.
She hadn’t been alone for more than ten minutes before the bus door opened and Zacky walked on, walking over to her and sitting on the couch next to her, his eyes looking sad. Lili took a minute to study his face; he looked rough. He didn’t appear to have gotten any sleep in a few nights, and there was at least two days of growth on his face, creating a shadow along the lower part of his jaw that looked sexy to Lili. It was his eyes that worried Lili the most, though; his eyes looked mentally exhausted.
“Did I do something wrong again?” He asked her quietly, placing his hand above hers on her knee, his eyes searching hers fervently. She sighed and shook her head, reaching up with her free hand to touch his face.
In those few seconds, she had figured out what she’d been trying to figure out for four days. She knew who she loved the most between Zack and Brian.
“No,” She said, giving him a smile. “It was all me.”
“What’s wrong?” He asked her. “I’ll do anything I can to help, anything to stop you from avoiding me. I just…I can’t take the uncertainty, Lili,” He told her, his voice rushed. “It’s like even though you’re here, you’re not, and I need you here, Lili. I need you in my life, and not just as someone who—“
Lili cut off Zack’s rambling, which wasn’t making any sense to her at all, and pushed her lips against his, cutting off his words. Zack got the message and quickly returned the kiss just as passionately, pulling her against his chest and leaning her down, tangling his hands in her hair as he deepened their kiss.
When they finally came up for air, their eyes locked in an intense gaze, and she smiled at him. “I’m here, Zack,” She whispered. “And I’m here to stay.”