Just Stay With Me Awhile

“Lili…I don’t understand.” Zacky said quietly to Lili the next day after she’d explained to him that she was going home to Los Angeles for the remainder of the tour. She couldn’t handle being on tour with both Zack and Brian anymore; it was tearing her apart, and she knew that she’d just fucked everything up.

She couldn’t believe it. She had never been a cheater; no, she’d always been on the receiving end of that predicament. But now, she’d broken her faithfulness to Zacky. She’d cheated on him; and with his best friend, no less. It was something she couldn’t take back, and it was eating her alive.

“I know, Zack.” She sighed, pushing one of her hands through her dirty blonde hair. “I don’t really understand it either. I just…I need to get off this tour, okay?”

“Is it something I did?” He asked her softly, looking at the floor. She shook her head and looked up at him, forcing him to meet her gaze as she gave him a small smile.

“No, Zacky. You didn’t do anything wrong, okay?” She told him. “And when you go back to Huntington, I promise we’ll be able to spend time together. But right now, I just can’t be on tour.”

Zack sighed but nodded, looking at her again with his eyes. “Okay. That’s all I need to know. I trust you, Lili.”

Lili had managed not to let any tears form in her eyes throughout the entire conversation, which had been taking place for a little over an hour now. But when Zacky said that; that he trusted her, she couldn’t handle it. Tears started spilling out of her eyes, and she turned away from him. Every time she looked at him, she felt sick to her stomach because of what she’d done to him without his knowing it.

“Lili? What’s wrong?” Zacky asked her, grabbing her shoulder in his hand and turning her around to look at him. “Lili, don’t shut me out.”

“I’m sorry, Zack.” She said as she broke away from him, running towards the Motley bus so that she could pack her suitcase and duffel bag to go home. She was taking the first flight out of the airport, though she had yet to tell her father or her uncles.

“You’re moving over to the Avenged bus permanently?” Her father’s voice asked her as he knocked on the wood of the doorframe separating the bunks from the rest of the bus. She turned around to look at him and shook her head, knowing he’d see the tears and ask what had happened. And just like she had done with Zacky, she’d lie to him. She didn’t want to let her father down, and she knew that by telling him that she’d cheated on her boyfriend she’d be doing exactly that.

“I’m going back to L.A. for the rest of the tour.” She said quietly, brushing the tears away from her eyes. “And before you ask, no. It wasn’t anything Zack did. I need to go home. I miss it, and I can’t be here anymore.”

Vince stood there for several minutes before he shook his head, sitting down on the furthest bunk away from her and looking at her. “Bullshit.” He said, keeping his gaze steady on her face. “Lili, you’re my daughter. I’ve known you since you were born. I know you well enough to know when you’re lying. What happened?”

“Nothing.” She told him. “I’m not lying, Dad.”

Vince sighed as he stood up and crossed the short space to where she stood. “Yes, you are. You’re running away from something.”

“Dad, just drop it.” Lili told him, keeping her voice strong. “I’m a big girl now. I don’t need to tell you why I’m going home. Nothing’s wrong; I just need to get off tour.”

Vince shook his head again, pushing a hand through the hair that had been passed on to his daughter. “I never pegged you for a coward, Lili. But that’s exactly what you’re being right now. A Wharton never runs away; ever. Since when did you start doing that?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” She said quietly, looking at the floor. “All I’m going to tell you is what I told Zacky and the others: I need to go back to Los Angeles. I’m leaving on the first flight out of the airport tonight.”

“You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d think that he cheated on you again.” Vince said. “But…nah. He’s stupid, don’t get me wrong. But he’s not that stupid. I made it crystal clear to him what would happen if he should do that again. So it’s got to be something else. What did you do, Lili?”

“What do you mean, what did I do?” She demanded, glaring at him. He sighed and gave her a knowing look.

“First of all, you’re a Wharton. I’ve always known that about you; you’re a carbon copy of me, personality-wise. I can see it written all over your face that you’re feeling guilty, Lili. So what happened?”

Lili didn’t reply, but instead sat down on the bed, looking away from her father. She knew it was only a matter of time before he figured it out, but she didn’t want to say the words. Finally, Vince broke the silence again.

“You cheated on the boy, didn’t you?” He asked her quietly.

Lili only nodded before she spoke quietly, her voice strangled. “Yes.”

Vince sighed, but moved to the bunk so that he was sitting next to her. “With Jesse?”

“No.” Lili said, shaking her head before looking at her father again, tears forming in her eyes. “But I fucked that friendship up, too.”

“Who?” Her father pressed, though not sternly. She realized he was only concerned about her now; that he was worried about her.

“Brian.” She whispered his name. “We…We had sex. And after that, I told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore because I wanted to be with Zack. But yesterday…I don’t know. Uncle Nikki said something that made me think about it, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be with Zacky. So I kissed Brian again. And now Brian’s pissed off at me, and Zacky doesn’t know what happened with me. God, I’m such a fucking whore.”

“Don’t you ever say that about yourself again, Lili. Do you understand me?” Her father asked her, turning her head so that he was looking at her. “You’re not a whore; you’re not a slut. You’re my daughter, and even more than that, you’re only human. Shit happens and people make mistakes. What matters is how you fix those mistakes and learn from them so that you don’t repeat them in the future.”

“How can I fix this, Dad?” Lili whispered, tears forming in her eyes. “Zacky…He’ll never look at me the same again after this. Brian’s his best friend! What I did…It could tear a band apart. I don’t want to do that to them.”

“If they’re as good as friends as I know they are, they aren’t going to let what happened with you get between them. Sure, they’ll get pissed off at each other, and there’s almost definitely going to be blows exchanged. But this won’t be the end of their band, Lili. You just have to tell him. I can’t stop you from going to Los Angeles tonight, but let me give you a little bit of fatherly advice. Running away doesn’t solve things. Because whatever you’re running from—whether it be cops or your boyfriend—it always catches up to you. And when it does, it bites you in the ass ten times harder than it would have if you’d just owned up to it in the first place.”