Single Moments

The following week went by agonizingly slowly. Joe hardly left Matt's side for anything. They'd finally lost the long battle, and Joe wasn't ready to lose Matt.

"I'm scared, Joe," Matt whispered tearily, hugging him close.

"I know," Joe said quietly. "I'm scared too."

"Joe?"

"Yeah?"

Matt pushed him away from the hug, but still held him. "I love you. Promise not to be too sad after I'm gone. I want you to still carry on."

Joe was starting to cry. "I won't. I promise." He couldn't believe Matt was dying and he was worried about him more than he was about himself. He smiled meekly. "I'll get us some breakfast."

Joe sighed as he left the room, sighing heavily. He didn't know what he'd do without Matt. They'd been together for a few years and now Matt was dying. It was so hard to believe. The cancer battle had made their love stronger, but now it was ending. Joe had never left Matt in his time of need and now it made it that much more heartbreaking. He couldn't stop thinking about how he'd never see Matt again, how he'd never hear his voice again - it just seemed impossible.

It was amazing how strong Matt was even though he was dying. He rarely complained and he was almost always smiling. Joe felt like a douche when he thought to himself how much he hated the hospital. Matt had been living here, and Joe didn't know how he tolerated it. He was just so much stronger than him.

Joe's thoughts jumped from topic to topic, but all of them revolved around Matt. It was just too hard to believe he was really going to die after all that had happened. If only they'd diagnosed him sooner, Joe thought, there could have been a chance.

He didn't really regret anything he'd done for Matt. Not even the prostitution... he felt like a dirty slut, but it paid for the care to keep Matt alive as long as possible. Quitting was so hard because he was giving into the fact that Matt was a goner, even when he still wanted to fight for him

But now it was over.

Matt himself was willing to die. He didn't want to fight it anymore. That's why he kept begging Joe to stay with him - he knew he was going to die, and he didn't want Joe getting hurt. He wanted him by his side. Joe was his whole world right now. They only had each other, and he was scared for Joe now than he was for himself. He was all too aware of how heartbroken Joe was, and he was just sorry he had to be such a burden.

Truthfully, Joe was his only regret. His family wasn't even aware he was sick. He had no reason to tell them - he didn't communicate with them at all. He'd been in the hospital for a long time now, and he was just sick of it. He wanted to be out of it, but he didn't want to be away from Joe.

Joe came back into the room with a full breakfast platter of pancakes, sausages, bacon and eggs. Even though he was smiling, they both knew he wasn't happy.

"Here," Joe said quietly, placing the tray on Matt's lap as he sat up and sat on the stool by the bedside.

"You want any?" he asked, pushing the tray towards him.

"I'm not hungry." Joe looked down at his lap. Two more weeks. Only two more weeks, he couldn't stop thinking. Matt noticed the sad look on his face.

"Joe, come on. I don't want you to be sad."

"I can't help it," Joe whispered. "I'm scared."

"I know, you told me," Matt said quietly, wrapping an arm around Joe. "You don't need to be. You won't need to worry about me. I'll be fine, and I won't be sick anymore."

"I know, I know." Joe breathed.

"You gonna help me eat these pancakes?" he asked happily, like the fact that he was dying wasn't bothering him at all.

Joe forced himself to smile, picking up one of the plastic forks on the tray. "Alright."