Tragically Beautiful

Ever wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, and then can’t get back to sleep? Yeah, that just happened and it is about three in the morning from what I can tell. I stood and walked over to my vanity. It was dark but I could see what I wanted. I grabbed my brush and pulled it down the length of my tangled hair. Then I took some clips and pulled some of it back. When I was satisfied I didn’t know what else to do, so I tip-toed over to the closed door, opening it ever so slightly. Surprisingly Sage wasn’t there so I made my way out to the courtyard. I ambled aimlessly around; the guards, stiff and alert, were watching me strenuously. It honestly made me self-conscious rather than protected. You know, the more I think about it, nobody cares about what I do anymore. They just kind of watch me do what I want; they really just seem scared I might trip or break a nail. I wonder what they would do if I – “Lillianna!”

I swung my head towards Sage who was sitting on the water fountain’s edge. The moon shone on the tranquil water in such a way that it lit his face and everything surrounding him. His highlighted features and the serene air lured me in. He stood up as I approached. “Why on Earth are you up, Lilly? You need to go back to bed. Do you have any idea what time it is? Come on let’s get you-”

“Sage, can you breathe please? I’m up because could not get back to sleep.”
He noticeably calmed and looked around. “No other reason? You’re here only because you cannot sleep?”

My eyebrows drew together for a second before responding, “Should I be out here for any other reason, Sage? Like, to, per say, meet someone and runaway with them? To secretly get married and start a life so I can prove I am not the little innocent adolescent my father will always keep and portray me as?”

He shook his head slowly and took in a ragged breath. “Your father means best for you, for everyone. And he certainly does not expect you to stay a little girl forever. You are not a little girl in my eyes Lilly. Come now, you need to go back to bed.”

He held out a hand for me to take, but I stepped back and shook my head. “No.”

He sat there for a minute, not blinking, just staring at me dumbfounded. He showed no indication of moving anytime soon so I turned around and walked back into the castle taking a left.

Maybe I was trying to make my father pay for every lonely day I spent in my room and wished I had someone to play with. Maybe I was trying to see if anyone would dare stop me. Maybe I was trying rebel. Whatever the reason, I was walking down the hall towards Denise’s room.

What is happening to me? How am I doing this? Why must I-

My thoughts ceased as I was pulled through the kitchen door and a hand clamped over my mouth. The stranger pulled me back into his chest as I tried to fight him off. “Shhh. Relax Lil, it’s only me,” his velvet voice whispered in my ear. I leaned my head back into him to try to loosen his hand, and allow me to breathe again. Nick removed his right hand only to place it on around my waist when I turned around. “What are you doing up?”

“I couldn’t sleep, I guess. You?” He grabbed a glass and took a sip before gingerly setting it down on the marble counter top.

I looked at my surroundings to make sure we were alone before responding, “Same.”
He looked disheveled and tired, but his eyes told a different story. They danced from my chin, to my nose, and to my eyes before he clasped my hand with his left. “How do you do it,” he asked me in a whisper.

“Do what?”

“Look so radiant and beautiful without even trying.”

I could feel warmth wash over my face and smirked to try and hide it. “Are you trying to come onto me Nicholas?”

He laughed and reached up to scratch his neck. “Maybe… You were pretty stunning in that dress last night.”

“Thanks to your mother, though,” I looked into his eyes. “Who were you dancing with when you winked at me?”

A chuckle escaped his lips and he sat on the floor against the wall, patting a spot next to him. I looked at him like he was crazy. I’ve never sat on the floor before. Gross. He rolled his eyes and pulled me onto his lap which was more comfortable than floor probably was. I leaned my head back on his shoulder, so I would not strain my neck trying to hold it up. Well, that’s the excuse I would have used if he asked me why. “I was dancing with Cecilia. She is a worker here in the kitchen. She’s a great girl. Good heart, too.”

Nodding, I thought I understood what he was getting to. “Are you courting, or something?”

“Ahh, no. She is seeing someone already; my brother, actually.”

“Oh,” I said shocked. “Sorry, I just figured…”

He shrugged and placed both hands on my right hip. His fingers were touching the slightest bit of skin because my night shirt slid up a tad. I was completely fine with this. The weird part was as soon as his skin landed on mine; my stomach did some weird flip. It felt like it was full, but not from eating too much. I kind of liked it. “S’ok. Probably looked that way, but we’re nothing more than friends. She’s like a sister to me.” He laughed before continuing. “That’s probably why she went for good old Joseph.”

I giggled; it was riding on nervous; I could feel it. I closed my eyes; soaking in the moment that would never last and shouldn’t have started.

I won’t lie and say I have never dreamt about this. Not this exact moment, but just being alone with him in general. Except it went somewhere along the lines of him sneaking me over the border, then the two of us stow away on a cargo boat to New Zeeland. Yes, I have a pretty wild imagination, but if you have seen him you would know why. Last week the daydream went as far as to marrying the k id. Sometimes I wonder if he is thinking about the same things, or if I’m a loon for even having these ‘fantasies’... Ugh, my stomach won't quit and it was starting to claim my throat. “Nick, my stomach feels weird. Like, I don’t know how to explain it. Almost like something’s in there. Was it something I ate?”

He slowly kissed my cheek and I could feel his lips tugging at the corners. “If it was, then I ate it too.”

I blushed from the gesture. “You know, I’ve been thinking. I’m going to ask my father why I cannot have a friend my own age and see what he says. Maybe I can convince him to let me have a friend so we don’t have to keep sneaking around. I like the idea of spending all my time with you, Nick.”

It was silent for a moment and I suddenly felt like a babbling idiot. I’m practically spilling my guts to him, and all he can do is sit there.

He pulled me off his shoulder and stood me up, following not long after. He scratched the back of his neck looking anywhere but my eyes. “I knew this was a bad idea. Lilly, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have even been seeing you in the first place. Unless you can promise me you’ll never mention anything to your father, you’ll never see me again. And even if you do, I’ll probably be banned from this country or killed. You and I can both be guaranteed that. Please, you have to understand that I want this more than anything, but it just simply cannot be.”

My frustration was over bearing every time I heard that explanation. I was close to tears; I could feel it. “Nick, this is not even making sense! Why would you be put to death just for being with me? If I want to be with you that is my decision, and nothing can change my mind.” After shaking my head I looked down before continuing, “But, if it means you will die if I say anything, you can keep my word that I will not utter a thing to anyone. I mean, I told Sage I met someone, but you will not have to worry. He does not know your name.”
He turned away from me quickly. His hands were in his hair, looking as if he was about to pull it out. “Nick, I-”

“What did you tell him? Tell me everything; exactly what you said.”

I took a step back in confusion and could feel my eyebrows pull together. “Um, I only told him that I met a boy. And he asked what you were like and I did not say much. Nick, I’m sorry. Please relax.” I placed a hand on his shoulder hesitantly, scared to make a wrong move. After he took a deep breath, he gingerly brought me into a hug. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It’s just that if anything ever happened to you – to me – to us… I’m just scared.”

“Scared of what?”

He gazed into my eyes, and all at once I felt almost lost in his trance. “Scared of what your father would do if he knew I was doing this.” And as his tongue pronounced the last syllable, his lips were on mine.