Anonymous
Part Ten: IcePrincess
Even though it was four months since I tried taking my own life, everyone was still watching me like a hawk- I could barely walk outside the tour bus without having Mikey or Bob or Ray up my ass. Even Brian joined in the fun of stalking me. I hated it. I especially hated when she would mock me. Oh yeah, Eliza (note the horrid scream of a dieing MCR fan), you kept her around despite the fact I gave you want you fucking wanted! Or maybe you were mad at me for calling you’re a failure, so you kept her around to spite me. Whatever the reason you decided to keep her around, it wasn’t for a good reason. I hope you are happy at yourself for your selfishness.
She annoyed everyone…
Even Bob, who never had a problem with anyone, cringed every time she opened her fucking mouth. She and her fucking clique were like the plaque of our band. They overshadowed us and they made us out to be the biggest fucking liars. You could see it in fans eyes every time they watched our shows: they looked and wonder if the words coming out of your mouth were true and heartfelt. Some of them believe that deep down we still played with emotion. Others scoffed and said we were liars and bored with this scene. All because of what some dumb girl said in blogs and how some clique conducted themselves.
She also made sure I never forgot what I did to myself…
“Oh keep Frankie away from the knives, we don’t want another accident.”
Like she even had the right to open her big mouth in my presence…
I became so disgusted with her; I had thoughts of harming her. I never hit girls; I thought any guy who laid a hand on a woman was a weakling. But she wasn’t a girl, a woman, she was a monster that deserved to have the shit beaten out of her. And I almost did it to, oh god I came so close to knocking her fucking ugly teeth out when I saw her disrespect our fans. You didn’t care, but I did. I did and I went to take a swing at her when Bob grabbed my wrist…
That’s the day Brian said she wouldn’t be allowed on the European tour…
You threw a hissy fit. You screamed and bitched and whined about it- and though you were yelling at Brian, you were looking at me. Like I was purely the reason why she had to leave. Bullshit- even Mikey was starting to look at her with new eyes. But no, you knew I was the one who hated her most- as if she was the one who dragged that razor across my wrist.
So you bitched about it, and that was fine. Brian was starting weaken under the pressure; he was so stressed out between me, you, and his own career and personal life. He was so easy to manipulate and you almost had him right!
You brought her in- once he would hear her pleas to let her stay and empty promises to be nicer, he would keep her…
“Eliza, Brian says you can’t come with us to Europe…”
She was eating my ice-cream, staring at you with vacant eyes as if what you said was in a completely different language. Oh, your eyes pleaded with her to say something- to prove that little ring on her finger meant something.
She just shrugged her shoulders, “Oh, okay, whatever.” And walked away from you.
I almost died again when I saw the stunned look in your eyes; the betrayal…but most of the all the fear. The fear, that’s what got me. I couldn’t even look at you; I just turned my head to look out the small tour bus window. At her…at the whore who caused you pain running up to her fake friends and still eating my fucking ice-cream.
“I guess that settles it.” Brian walked out, brushing against me as he did so; I guess he wanted me to look at the sorry scene. Your standing in shock; your mouth agape and your eyes welled up with tears. The lie she created shattered around you…and the abandoned glass was cutting you up.
“Gerard,” but I guess my voice just added to the pain. You put you hands up in defense and walked into the bunk area. You couldn’t even look at me…you couldn’t let me know you were wrong.
She annoyed everyone…
Even Bob, who never had a problem with anyone, cringed every time she opened her fucking mouth. She and her fucking clique were like the plaque of our band. They overshadowed us and they made us out to be the biggest fucking liars. You could see it in fans eyes every time they watched our shows: they looked and wonder if the words coming out of your mouth were true and heartfelt. Some of them believe that deep down we still played with emotion. Others scoffed and said we were liars and bored with this scene. All because of what some dumb girl said in blogs and how some clique conducted themselves.
She also made sure I never forgot what I did to myself…
“Oh keep Frankie away from the knives, we don’t want another accident.”
Like she even had the right to open her big mouth in my presence…
I became so disgusted with her; I had thoughts of harming her. I never hit girls; I thought any guy who laid a hand on a woman was a weakling. But she wasn’t a girl, a woman, she was a monster that deserved to have the shit beaten out of her. And I almost did it to, oh god I came so close to knocking her fucking ugly teeth out when I saw her disrespect our fans. You didn’t care, but I did. I did and I went to take a swing at her when Bob grabbed my wrist…
That’s the day Brian said she wouldn’t be allowed on the European tour…
You threw a hissy fit. You screamed and bitched and whined about it- and though you were yelling at Brian, you were looking at me. Like I was purely the reason why she had to leave. Bullshit- even Mikey was starting to look at her with new eyes. But no, you knew I was the one who hated her most- as if she was the one who dragged that razor across my wrist.
So you bitched about it, and that was fine. Brian was starting weaken under the pressure; he was so stressed out between me, you, and his own career and personal life. He was so easy to manipulate and you almost had him right!
You brought her in- once he would hear her pleas to let her stay and empty promises to be nicer, he would keep her…
“Eliza, Brian says you can’t come with us to Europe…”
She was eating my ice-cream, staring at you with vacant eyes as if what you said was in a completely different language. Oh, your eyes pleaded with her to say something- to prove that little ring on her finger meant something.
She just shrugged her shoulders, “Oh, okay, whatever.” And walked away from you.
I almost died again when I saw the stunned look in your eyes; the betrayal…but most of the all the fear. The fear, that’s what got me. I couldn’t even look at you; I just turned my head to look out the small tour bus window. At her…at the whore who caused you pain running up to her fake friends and still eating my fucking ice-cream.
“I guess that settles it.” Brian walked out, brushing against me as he did so; I guess he wanted me to look at the sorry scene. Your standing in shock; your mouth agape and your eyes welled up with tears. The lie she created shattered around you…and the abandoned glass was cutting you up.
“Gerard,” but I guess my voice just added to the pain. You put you hands up in defense and walked into the bunk area. You couldn’t even look at me…you couldn’t let me know you were wrong.