Anonymous

You eventually got over the fact that she proved you wrong. I could have handled you getting over it. I couldn’t handle you denying it. I couldn’t handle you lying to yourself about it. Were you that blinded by love? Were you that fucking stupid? I guess you were, because the next day you were all over her- cuddling and kissing. It was disgusting and I hated it. Especially that you did that shit in front of me! Were you that selfish that you couldn’t pull it together to notice I was fucking dying every time your lips brushed against hers?

Maybe I just had to deal with the fact that you and I were never going to be together. Maybe I just had to deal with the fact you weren’t the man I fell in love with…I didn’t want to be with you anymore. I didn’t even want to see you. I only stuck by because of the band, our fans, and my dream. I wouldn’t let you take that away from me. Not even you, Gerard Way, were that powerful.

I walked into the bunk area of our bus and saw you lying in your bunk; your eyes completely dead to the world. I cocked my head to the side and watched you stare into the crooked metal of the bunk above yours. Your breathing was hard, like you were taking deep breaths to remind yourself you were breathing. I guess all this love you were feeling towards Eliza was drowning you, huh? That could be the only excuse, because you sure as hell never loved me. You made that perfectly clear countless times.

“Are you just gonna stare at me?” You finally said. Those were the first words you said in my direction since that day in the hotel room. Your hazel eyes moved to focus on me; they were twitching as if you were trying to figure me out.

“It’s better than talking to you,” I snapped. Your eyes didn’t change, but your body shifted uncomfortably.

“Is that how it’s going to be Frankie?”

“You made it perfectly clear how it was going to be when you called me a loser.” I took a seat on the bunk opposite of yours- it was Bobs, I could tell from the discarded boxers lying in the middle.

You sat up and stared at me wide eyed; bet you thought I didn’t hear you, huh? “You….” You already knew the answer the questions, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were there.”

“Doesn’t change the fact you fucking said it, Gerard.”

“Your right, it doesn’t. I guess I was just tire-“

“Stop with the fucking excuses!” I shouted, “It’s like you are back on drugs again!”

You moved your eyes away from me, making friends with the dirty floor of our tour bus. You bit the bottom of your lip, trying to formulate the next words to come out of your lying mouth. I was done with your excuses, your stories, even those pretty words you once whispered to me when Eliza wasn’t apart of our lives. I was done with you. You, Gerard. I was going to move on with my life…find someone who would appreciate me and not hurt me….

“Frank…” the crack in your voice caught my attention. My eyes soften at your sorry state; tears flowing freely from your cracked hazel eyes, your face flushed from the sudden emotion that washed over you. You were disheveled and a wreck. A mess, a dirty little mess I had to clean up. “Frankie, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

You knew how to work me. You knew I couldn’t stand to see you cry. I picked myself off the bed and walked over to you. I was hesitant to show you any kind of emotion except for malice. I couldn’t tell if you were trying to manipulate me into pitying you or if you were genuinely a tortured young soul.

I ran my fingers thought your hair- feeling the grease caress my skin was oddly comforting. Your tears slowly came to a halt when your felt my fingers dance in your hair. You slowly brought your hands to rest on my hips; rubbing the fabric of my jeans and sending shockwaves through my body. You knew how to tease me right? Knew exactly where all my weak spots were. For someone who never tried to touch me in that way before, you knew how to drive me insane.

“Do you love me?” I asked you; and I wanted the honest answer.

You looked up; not shocked at the question, not even scared of the answer. You brought your chin to rest on my Nintendo belt buckle. I could feel the answer to my question dancing in side you, ready to come out and expose itself. I half expected Eliza to ruin the moment with her obnoxious voice. But nothing. No words came from outside the bus. No one from within called for you. No one chanting Gerard Way. Only me. Only me.

“That’s a stupid question, Frank,” you said and moved so your forehead was now resting on my belt buckle, “Of course I love you.”

My fingers traveled down you face; feeling every crease and bump that made up your captivating face. You know how imperfect your face is right? You have dry skin, and some old age acne or something like that. You even have some stubble growing from your improper shaving techniques. Of course, all the globs of makeup you put up cover these imperfections. But I like it better when your face is unmasked. I think you are handsome like that. Stripped and vulnerable.

“How do you love me?” I asked.

“Exactly the way you want me to, Frank.”

I cupped your chin and brought your eyes to meet mine; to see if your hazel orbs would give your lies away. I saw the love I had been missing twinkling- love for me, not for her. I could have kissed you right then and there if it wasn’t for the fact Brian was calling us to get to the dressing room. Us. “Frankie and Gerard.” He called for us, not for you. I couldn’t help the childish smile that stretched across my face. It grew wider when you smiled at me. That beautiful teethy smile.

You arose and faced me; taller and stronger I felt. The smile still plastered on your face- not a cocky accomplished smile.

“You’re cute,” you said.

“Shut up,” I leaned my head against his chest.

“I’ll do anything you tell me, Frankie.”

“…then never shut up.”