Anonymous

It was like that dream I had once, not to long ago. We were lying in the obnoxiously white sheets from the five-star hotel you forced me in. We were naked, sweaty, still breathing heavily from the event that happened moments ago- though to me, it felt like it was hours ago. I was in your arms, my head buried in your bare chest as your hand rubbed my back. Your face was in my hair, taking in the scent of grease and whatever else I had living in that mop I call hair. The time of day was non-existent. It was dark in the room, that was enough to convince us it was too late for us to work…to move…to do anything.

I could have stayed like that forever- just in your arms, with the world on the outside. We cared about living; nothing I did ever made me feel as good as you did.

However, our heaven was disturbed by Bob busting into our room.

“Dammit Gerard, don’t turn your cell phone off!” Hearing Bob say more than three words at a time was shocking; hearing him curse just never happened. So, it was evident he was mad- frustrated even.

You and I sighed in unison and sat up in the bed. Bob’s eyes nearly fell out of his sockets when he laid his ice blue orbs on our half naked forms. He stood frozen; probably praying to whatever God up there he was just dreaming. I mean…imagine walking in on your two best friends moments after they had sex; the images in his head must not be pleasant.

“Bob, it’s really not nine inches,” I laughed, “It’s more like seven.”

Bob shook his head, “I am not thinking of Gerard’s freakishly big dick.”

“Who’s talking about Gerard baby,” I laughed harder at his expense. Bob threw me an annoyed glance, then danced his eyes to the blushing form of you.

“After what he did,” he pointed at you, “you…I don’t even want to know.”

I had to admit, I felt bad for my friend. After he went through all that to save my ass from the monster sitting next to me; I turn around and do the unlikely. I forgave you, and not just that, I gave myself to you. I could see in Bob’s normally calm eyes, he was ready to smack both of us, relentlessly…and probably ask Ray to join. Oh god, we really didn’t need Ray involved; no offense, love the guy, but he would have thrown you out the window if he knew. No seriously, remember he tried it once before. He is a strong ass motherfucker- only one kid messed with him in the Teenagers video…that says something.

Anyway, you mumbled a half ass apology, laying your head on my shoulder to try to give Bob the impression you weren’t as bad as everyone thought he was. You weren’t…I don’t think. You have problems; demons that still took a toll on your body. You were depressed and conflicted. We all could see that behind your large sunglasses that tried to hide everything. It was obvious, but rarely talked about. It was stupid on our part; dangerous on your part. And yet we knew this and allowed the wound to bleed and throb. It was going to burst eventually.

I just hoped, now, I could stop it before it got to that point.

I just had to ignore my own wound.

Bob sighed, allowing his anger to dissolve. “Whatever; water under the bridge,” he eyed me to make sure, and I nodded my head. “Good. Gerard, just tell your fiancé to stop calling me! I swear if I get one more, ‘where the fuck is Gerard hehe,’ I am going to throw myself out a window.”

You smiled and kissed me on the cheek, “You here that Iero, you better stop harassing Bob, he’s gonna throw you out a window.”

A hot blush covered my cheeks suddenly, and I cautiously looked over at Bob who allowed a small smile slipped past his cold face. You called…well you implied…I am your fiancé. You told someone- you told Bob- you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Me. Frank. Who once punched you in the face for calling me gay. You wanted me. And though you didn’t say it in so many words, it was…well it was a start I guess. I had waited so long for something close to this moment; I wasn’t going to soil it with minor details.

“Well,” Bob began, “whatever. We have to get to the dressing room for wardrobe and sound check.” With not so much as a simple goodbye, Bob walked out of the room and leaving you and I.

I looked at you cautiously. It was awkward as hell, as you can imagine. I have known you since I was twenty and obnoxious. You were my best friend as much as the object of my affection. I had let myself become completely vulnerable to you; I allowed you take control over me (and give me the best orgasm of my life, mind you). It was scared. I had to be. I didn’t want to be. Why should I be afraid of love?

Your thin fingers cupped my chin and forced me to look into his hazel eyes. “What are you thinking about?”

I smiled and decided stupidly that lying would be the most fun I can have, now that my clothes are off (baa-zing). “Thinking about how much I love you.” As oppose to how scared I am to love you. You. Gerard. The made I died for.

You kissed my unsure lips, “Funny, that’s exactly what I am thinking about.”

You were surer. You were telling the truth. I could tell by the way your lips beat against my own.

I took a breath, exhaled deeper so I could let out all the doubt. Foolish doubts. I should be celebrating- I finally got who I needed, wanted, for six years. I should have a goofy smile on my face- I should be jumping up and down like a manic. I should, but I wasn’t, I couldn’t. I kept thinking if I acknowledged what we did, or acted like I was happy beyond belief, it would all go away. I would wake up in a cold bunk, staring metal in the face, with the familiar scent of failure still lingering on me.

I forced pass all the doubts and gave you a smile; one that you could be satisfied with until I could prove you weren’t a dream. “We better get going before Ray comes in here…I don’t want to see the look on his face if he catches us like this.”

“Ha,” you laughed, a real laugh- not the fake one you had been sporting for sometime, “Let him. We have to tell everyone eventually…better they just catch us in the act, right?”

I rolled my eyes at you, gently shoving your strong body, “Yeah right, I walked in on Mikey and Alicia once- trust me that was not pretty.”

“Oh ew, you poor child!” You wrapped your arm around my waist and pulled me into a kiss, “There, I kiss it all better.”

“You’re such a damn nerd.”

I didn’t know why I was scared; that’s how we always acted. We took blows at each other for fun. I would call you a nerd; you would call me a pothead or a joker. It was natural…even with our clothes off. My small smirk managed to grow into a loveable smile, as my eyes twinkled at the delight it was to be looking at the most perfect creature to ever walk the face of this cruel earth. Now, I could probably continue on in this fashion; but it’d get redundant after awhile. So, I will just say, we ignored Bob’s immediate pleas to come to wardrobe, and instead fell back onto the pure white sheets- our mouths attached to one another as if they were magnets. In the dark room, amongst the million shadows, we found our happy place…

If only…I could have kept us there a little longer.