That Fragile Capricorn

The consistent beep of the heart-monitor was getting on Brendon's nerves, if Ryan had a heart-beat, why wasn't he responding to anything, why did he seem dead? It was unbearable. He looked up from the cold linoleum floor that now held his tear to examine Ryan once more. The poor boy on the gurney was thinner then ever and paler then normal, save for spots where an eerie red had started to seep through his bandages, twice on his chest once on his head. Colourless. Brendon thought as he stood from the chair he sat in.

He could see why the guitarist had hated hospitals, they were a knotted up ball of tension, a constant remind of death. Brendon shivered as he walked over into the small bathroom that was placed in Ryan's room. The lights were dim, close to flickering, and they made a weird hum, a hymn. Brendon shook his head, glancing in the mirror next to the toilet. He was a mess. Bags had already formed under his eyes from lack of sleep, his hair a total mess from either pulling on it or playing with it, and his eyes were a sickly blood-shot from crying with his contacts in. Is this what he had stooped to? He could care less though, it was the perfect look for his situation.

This is my fault. Brendon thought hopelessly. I'm the one who deserves to be on that gurney right now, not him. All because of what I did, just one little kiss. And, with no one there to comfort him, the rest of the gang had left soon after arriving to avoid suspicion, the thoughts and tears kept flowing. Until, as if someone had known what he was doing, his Side-Kick went off with a silent vibrating buzz. Brendon opened the text, and instantly regretted it. Mother dearest.

Bear, he's in our prayers. Surrender him to the lord, hon, and he'll make it.

Brendon felt like throwing the phone out the window, both of his parents knew he had given up on Mormonism long ago, yet they still pushed it onto him. There's a thousand different ways for Ryan to get better, the lord isn't the only way. And, what if I don't want to!? What he he wouldn't want me to!? You she really cared, she'd be here with me right now, helping me through this! Brendon ranted silently. Just forget them. Both of them only see this as a "Maybe we can get him back" moment. I"ll bet they don't even care about Ryan's position, how could they? They both have heard rumors, and both have believed them....then they blame poor little Ryro for all of it! No, to them this is just another "Divine Opportunity". Nothing more.

Brendon found himself pacing as he quietly ranted. One, two, three, four, five...towards the wall....six, seven, and pivot, back to the beginning. The love of my life is here, almost dead, and all they can think about is conversion. Urie. Ha! I'm not an Urie, I'm not them. I mean, at least Kara understands...but I just can't connect with that girl. No, I'm far from an Urie. I'm just Lost. I'm a lone Lost that would give anything to be a Ross.

Brendon stopped pacing and turned his head towards the gurney. He'd heard a muffled rumping of sheets from behind him all but a second ago, and now Ryan lay on his right side from his back. He moved. Brendon smiled widely. He...he..moved. God, he had the strength to move. Dear god, that's gotta mean something, right? Brendon shook his head. God, I'm such a spaz, it probably means nothing. But, it has to. God, I need to relax...but how? God...why do I keep saying 'God' at the beginning of all my sentences? Wait...that was a normal thought for me...right? Yes! I'm getting better at think...I think. Brendon sat back down in his chair, wedged between the window and the gurney. Now, lets try some of that relaxing stuff again...

---

There was a steady beeping, Brendon noticed as he flutter back into conciseness, that was getting faster and faster.The heart monitor. It wasn't a scary fast though, it was a normal fast. The fast sound of a heart awakening from it's slow pulsed slumber. The sound of the lungs going back to normal breaths. The sound of life.

Brendon jumped up, an odd mix of fear and hope laced his blood-stream. Was Ryan really coming back into consciousness? Was he okay? Where was the nurse? Should he call for one? So many questions, so little answers. Brendon's head felt close to bursting, his heart to bursting. All this over a small pick up is speed from man-kind's most notorious machine. But, in the end, it'd all be worth the nauseous excitement, right?

"Ryan?" Brendon spoke for the first time since the others left.

There was a brief moment of anticipation before Ryan's eyes slowly and sleepily blinked back to life.

"Ry-Ryan, can you hear me?" Brendon's vision was going blurry with tears.

"Where am I? What....what happened?" Ryan was able to croak out.

"Ry, your in the hospital. here was an accident, Ryan, you were hit." Brendon though it best to not let him know what he was hit with, at least not yet.

"Who are you?"

"What do you mean?...It's me, Brendon." Confusion started to settle in on the room.

"Wait."

"What?"

"Who am I?" Ryan looked around the room, slightly scared and confused.

"What? I mean...your Ryan."

"Who is...?"

"You, George Ryan Ross III."

"Who's he?"

"You!"

Now, it was Brendon who was confused, what was going on with Ryan? The constant flow of questions was worse then the never-changing heart-monitor beep. How could Ryan not know who he was? It made no sense.

"And...who are you?" Ryan asked again as he tried to sit up.

"I'm Brendon"

"And, where am I?"

"The hospital." Brendon's fuse was growing short, what was Ryan doing this?

"You don't look very familiar...are you sure I know you?"

"I'm Brendon, we're best friends...what about Jon, Spencer?"

"Who're they?"

"Ryan, knock it off. Joke's over." Brendon said sternly, maybe now Ry would let go of what sounded like a sick joke.

"What do you mean? And...who am I, again?" Ryan insisted.

"Ryan."

"who's he?"

"You."

"And you are?"

"Brendon, your best friend."

"I don't think I know you."

"But, you do!" Brendon was almost growing frantic.

"Id I knew you, I'd know you by what you look like. And, I'd know your name." Ryan got defensive.

"I keep telling you, I'm Brendon, your best friend."

"I can't say I believe you. And, if I don't know you, why are you here? Wait...where is here?"

"The hospital, Ryan."

"Well, I don't know you..."

"Yes, Ryan, you do!"

"Stop shouting!"

"Stop playing around!"

"I don't even know you!"

"Yes, you do!"

"Leave me alone!"

It didn't take long for someone to hear the shouting. Brendon hadn't even realized how escalated his tone had become. He gave up being calm long ago, he gave up his stealth. His memory failed him, that no one knew he was even there. Thus, it didn't take lone for a nurse to be called in by the annoyed occupant of the next room over.

"Excuse me, sir! What do you think your doing!? Fighting with a patient!? Did you ever even stop to think about the other patient's around this room!?" The nurse gave an icy hiss as she entered the scene.

"Get him out of my sight!" Ryan shouted, a prominent finger pointed at Brendon.

"But-but, Ryan! It's me, Brendon!" Bren stammered back, tears forming again.

"Mr.Ross, do you know this man?" The nurse was confused.

"No, ma'am. Never seen him a day in my life."