Uneasy Hearts Weigh The Most

The park was empty except for a mother and her two small children, a boy and a girl who looked like they might have been twins. I was excited to reenact my childhood. What kind of person doesn’t like pretending that they’re six years old again? You get to play all the time, never do any homework, or worry about chores or school or people liking you, because friendships when you’re that old are based on who you shared the Tonka Trucks with first.

“I’ll race you,” Aubergine challenged once she got off the handlebars before I even had a change to get off the bike myself, let alone put the kickstand down.

“You’re on!” I responded enthusiastically before pushing the flimsy piece of aluminum out from underneath me and letting it fall to the ground with a clatter.

It was a close race that didn’t really end up having a winner, since Aubergine was pretty fast and got a head start in front of me.

“Loser buys ice cream,” Aubergine announced when she beat me to the swings and sat down on one of the four available ones.

“You can’t make up the rules as you go!” I protested.

“And why not?” she asked, turning her nose up at me.

“Because I just made up a rule that you can’t do that.”

“So then we’re just pretty much even?”

“Pretty much, yeah,” I confirmed.

The temperature was perfect – a crisp, autumn day with a slight breeze and the a perfect sunset looming on the horizon.

We were both trying to swing as high as we could in an unspoken agreement. Our sneakers tore up the woodchips scattered on the ground as we tried to propel ourselves further than the other.

“Do you want to go on the jungle gym?!” I asked excitedly after realizing that I wouldn’t be able to get any higher on the swing and my childhood ADD took over.

“I’ll come over in a minute, I just want to get a little higher. I can almost see the tops of the houses.” Aubergine responded, although I wasn’t sure how much higher up she was going to get – she was already soaring unbelievably.

I immediately scrambled over to the monkey bars, which were much too low for me; I could touch them without leaving my feet. The fire pole was also too small; what had seemed like such a long way to slide down ten years ago I was now able fit my body in that same space. I walked along with my hands above my head on the bars anyway, just for the sake of remembering what it felt like.

I decided to try and sit on the wood that supported the monkey bars. It was wood after all, and would be able to hold my weight. I grabbed onto two of the bars with my body straddled between them with a tight grip, and swung my legs back and forth to try and generate momentum. I got it after five swings, and my legs were high enough to loop over to my right next to my right hand. I spanned my body over the two before shifting my weight onto one, and then onto the wood that was on either side of the bars. I could see the entire playground from where I was, even though it wasn’t much higher up than how tall I am.

Aubergine was still rocking back and forth on the swings with the prettiest expression on her face – it was one of pure contentment. She looked completely at ease, like she hadn’t a care in the world. It brought a smile to my lips to think that sometimes I made her feel like that.

“Gina, come over here!” I called gently, wanting her to be enjoying the astounding view right here with me.

Her eyes immediately opened, only to squint against the harsh sun that her pupils had been concealed from by her eyelids. She turned her head around for a few seconds, searching for where my voice had come from.

“Up here!” I called, waving my arms back and forth, careful not to lose my balance. Falling from up here, although it wasn’t that high, would definitely not be good.

“How did you get up there?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Do you wanna come up? I replied, ignoring her question. After she hesitated for a moment, “I can help you,” I offered.

Instead of an answer, she simply lowered her sneaker-clad feet onto the brown woodchip ground to slow herself down before losing enough height and momentum to jump off safely. She walked over to where I was still perched on the monkey bars in what felt like a slow pace which in reality was probably not, but it felt like it because I was mesmerized. I know that sounds impeccably cheesy, but it was true. The sun was at the right angle that it shone perfectly on her long brown hair and made it sparkle like an expensive diamond. It flowed around her pale face, framing it. Her blue skinny jeans hugged her slim frame tightly and her hands were stuffed into the pockets of my hoodie. Her sneakers lightly scraped the ground as she walked over, a bright smile etched on her face as she looked up at me.

“So how do I get up there?” she asked, as she looked up at me with a hand shielding her eyes from the sun.

“Grab onto the bars, and then I’ll reach over and pick you up from your armpits and haul you over,” I said, although it sounded difficult to do when I put it like that.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Aubergine shrugged, and reached up slightly to grip the bars.

“Can you pull yourself up at all?” I asked – the higher she could get up by herself the easier my job would be of getting her all the way up.

“Of course, I’m not that weak,” she scoffed, and flexed her biceps to move up a few inches.

I reached under her armpits (where her breasts were a few inches away) and lifted her up. She obviously compensated a bit, because she lifted easily and slid her butt onto one of the bars, and then onto the same strip of wood I was on, but for the other side, so now we were facing each other.

“Thanks,” she breathed out. “So how do we get down from here?”

“Oh, good point,” I thought out. “I didn’t figure that one out before I came up here.”

“Oh well,” she said. “We’ll cross that road when we get to it.”

I began to swing my legs back and forth underneath me, careful not to lose my balance.
“Do you ever think about what things would be like if nothing existed?” Aubergine asked after a moment of brief silence.

“Sometimes, I guess. Why?” I wasn’t exactly in the mood for a highly philosophical conversation about life and what it meant and things along those lines; what would happen if the Earth stopped moving, what would happen if the human race died out, that kind of thing.

“I just wonder about that a lot and I wondered if I was the only one.”

“Nah, I think about it too sometimes. It just scares me.” I responded.

“Me too. I mean, I know that if I had never been born, I wouldn’t worry about what my life would be like without certain people because I would never have to think about that anyway. But it’s just weird, you know?”

“Yeah. Like I said, that’s why I try not to think about it.”

“This is kind of a disturbing conversation,” Aubergine piped up after nothing was said for a minute.

“You brought it up,” I grinned, to which she replied with a smile of her own, showing off her straight white teeth that she had spent three years getting intimate with orthodontics for. It sure paid off, though.

“Do you want to go?” I asked after picking a scab off of my arm, which Aubergine watched. When I looked up to ask the question, her face was still contortioned with disgust.

“Yes, if it will make you stop picking your scabs.”

“What, I’m not allowed to pick my scabs in public now?” I defended.

“Actually, no, you’re not,” she giggled.

“Whatever,” I rolled my eyes, being overly dramatic. In reality, we both knew that I didn’t care. “I’ll get down first.”

“Damn straight. I’m not jumping down from here.”

Getting down actually wasn’t that difficult, it was the not-landing-on-my-face part that was the challenge. I hear cats will always land on their feet when the fall, from any height, and I wish that was true for me. But I’m not a big cat person, and I would much rather be a human than a cat, even if it meant I would always land on my legs when I fell.

“Are you okay?” Aubergine called down after Igracefully landed on my side.

“Yup,” I called as I got up and brushed woodchips off my shirt. “Now it’s your turn!” I said and wore a malicious smile on my face.

“What do I do?” she asked, looking around as if to find a rope that she could climb to get down.

“Give me your hands,” I suggested, and she leaned over and did so as I reached up and grabbed them. I then moved my hands up to her biceps, and pulled downwards. She understood the motion, and made a motion upwards with her body (as much as she could while sitting on a piece of wood) while I still held her arms. She landed much better than I had on the ground with a little oompf.

“Good?” I asked, and she nodded. “Let’s get out of here then.” I said, and led the way to my bike where I had dropped it on the ground.

She hopped up on the handlebars before I situated myself on the seat and got my feet on the pedals. I pushed them slowly as we rode off back to my house into the night like E.T. – except on land.