An Arrow to My Chest

In a land far, far away.

Deep, deep in the forest.

Up, up in a tree near a long, long road.

There sat a very, very lonely Frank.

And waited. And waited.

Yes, my name is Frank. That’s my real name. But, also the name that only my close friends know me by. My more famous name is something different. Entirely different.

In the village amongst the ignorant villagers I am only known by the name of Robin Hood.

Yep, I’m ‘Robin Hood’. I steal from the rich and give to the poor.

Most of the times at least.

Sometimes.

Other times, I steal from the rich and give to me. And my friends. Because after all, you can’t live in this world without money. Especially not during winter time.

But now. Now spring is upon us here in the forest, and I’m able to hide quite well between the green leaves on this tree.

I’ve heard there’s a rich guy coming to town to visit the Prince. The cruel Prince, that is. Prince Jon. Horrible guy. Way too rich. He even got money to waste on getting his clothes dyed! And what horrible colors they are! Bright. Way too bright. Red, purple, yellow, green, blue, orange. So many colors that they hurt my eyes just glancing at them! Hopefully, Prince Jon’s rich friend won’t match him.

Us common pillagers are left with neutral colors to wear – black, white and burlap. The latter being used the least, despite what you might think. Though we are all in exile, we do still know the feeling of what is comfortable.

And by ‘we’, I do mean more than just me. I’m not a nutcase.

I hear a birdcall and I know it belongs to Ray Scarlett.

Yes, his name might not be the most masculine, but he himself is. His broad shoulders and his enormous biceps frighten even me. And I’m not scared of a whole lot. Except Ray Scarlett, his muscles and his knives. He’s sick at throwing knives. His precision cannot be described.

Once he threw a knife and hit a guy right in the spine, even though he was over 5 miles away.

You think I’m exaggerating? Well, no matter what, the morale of the story is to never ever run away from Ray Scarlett! And yes, there we have the girly name again, but he doesn’t mind it. Calling him Scarlett, though, is a huge mistake – a mistake I only made once. I can show you the scar on my arm where he hit me, if you want proof!

And; don’t ever make fun of his hair. Once I placed an egg in his huge fro’. Big mistake. Yep, got a scar on my leg from that one. Ray Scarlett never hurts me badly, though. We’re friends. Just never make fun of him, and you’ll survive.

And never mess with him.

And never walk into Little Bob’s room without knocking. Never ever ever ever EVER!!!
Little Bob is, in fact, not ‘little’ at all. He’s big. Very big. Though there is a reason for the name Little Bob – a very good reason.

Because, you see, Little Bob only thinks with his ‘Little Bob’. He’s got a new girl every week. Hot girls. Big breasted, pouty lipped girls.

Though Little Bob’s ‘Little Bob’ might be called ‘Little’, I can reassure you: It is not ’little’. I learned that the hard way.

You see, once I walked into Little Bob’s room without knocking, and though his ‘Little Bob’ was down some big breasted, pouty lipped girl's throat, she was so kind to pull away from him to show me… ‘not so Little Bob’. And that, my friends, was the last time ever that I entered any of the rooms of our small tree house without knocking.

In the distance, I can hear the sound of hooves against the dirt road. Lovely, they’re coming closer.

Let the pillaging begin.

And as all the good Robin Hood’s, I steal from the rich and give to the poor. Though, at some point – just once – I’d like to steal a rich and give to me.

Not because he’s rich, of course, but just because… I’m lonely. It’s lonely living as the only gay guy in a big, dark forest with two straight guys and their sea of women.

Yes, Ray Scarlett is quiet a Don Juan, just like Little Bob. Little Bob is the leader though. The undefeated master.

But no, no love for Robin Hood. Frank. Me.

I’m supposed to find my Maid Marian and live happily ever after, but to me, happiness lies within a man. And more specifically, it lies within his…. ‘Little Insert-name-here’. Whatever his name might be.

The sound of the hooves has grown louder, and now I can make out the sound of wooden wheels. I look over at the tree on the other side of the rough road to see if Little Bob’s ready. He is. He’s smirking at me, which means he’s more than ready.

I look down at the road, and there it is. It’s a fancy carriage. Uh, lots of good must be in it.

I soon see Ray Scarlett sneaking behind the carriage – hiding behind trees along the road.

This will be good. This will be very good.

I get up from sitting on the branch to standing on it – ready to jump. Little Bob and I have agreed that he will jump the coachman, while I jump on the horse to stop it. Then Ray Scarlett will take care of the rich fellow.

The horse and carriage is now right between me and Little Bob.

I jumped first.