The Hardest Part Is Letting Go of Your Dreams
I Don't Love You
*Franks POV*
No one told me what the schedual was for tonight. I guess I'll have just follow everyone else. We started with three songs then Gerard started talking about... what? Since when are the girls coming up to play with us?! Maybe Gerard was trying to get me back for almost breaking the promise. Ray shoved me off the stage and Bob came soon came after me. The only people who were up there were Zanda, Gerard, Ray, Mikey, Tay, Jazz, and Keel who was playing rhythem guitar instead of bass. My job. But I didn't know the song. It was new.
"Well, we're gonna do things a little different, tonight," said Gerard.
"Yeah, we've got a new song called, 'I Don't Love You,'" said Zanda as the intro closed.
Gerard started to sing:
"Well when you go,
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay.
And maybe when you get back,
I'll be off to find another way.
And after all this time that you still owe,
You're still a good for nothing I don't know.
So take your gloves and get out.
Better get out.
While you can."
I listened to the lyrics. I wondered who wrote it. The pattern was familiar but matched two people. Guess who? The singers. Zanda joined Gerard in what was apparently the chorus:
" When you go
Would your even turn to say,
'I don't love you
like I did yesterday.'"
Zanda wrote it. Obviously. The next verse was about how I'd broken my promise. How I'd hurt her.
"Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading.
So sick and tired of all the needless beating.
But baby when they knock you down and out
Is where you oughtta stay.
And after all the blood that you still owe,
Another dollar's just another blow.
So fix your eyes and get up.
Better get up.
While you can."
I can't believe this. Bob was next to me, listening and nodding along. Even murmuring some of the words. He'd known! They didn't tell me because the song's about me! But that really didn't matter now.
I had still held on to a ray of hope that Zanda would forgive me. But that ray of light was extinguished. She didn't love me anymore. I knew she had because I'd felt it. But now I had nothing but ice in the pit of my stomach. It was my turn to get my heart broken. Gerard and Zanda were going to be happy together. The happy song writing couple. But this was going to be worse than getting abandoned. They'd be all lovey dovey, dangling what I could have had in front of me. I hated Gerard at that precise moment. I think I even hated Zandalee, Miss Girl of My Dreams. The two people who I wanted to be with more than anyone, were going to be together, with me off to the side as just another rhythm guitarist.
"When you go
Would you even turn to say,
"I don't love you like I did yeasterday.
Well come on, come on!."
Ray and Keel ripped it out here, making me even angrier. They'd shoved me off stage as if I was just a stand-in. Bob was off stage as well, but he'd known what was going on. Tay's drum beating, Keel and Ray's guitars, Jazz's keyboard, and Mikey's bass softened and most died out as Gerard and Zanda followed with softer than air voices:
"When you go
Would you have the guts to say,
'I don't love you,
like I loved you yester..
DAY! I don't love you
Like I loved you you yesterday.
I don't love you
Like I loved you yesterday."
The song ended and I stood there, frozen as the crowd roared.
"Ray and Jazz have a song as well. Of course along with Bob, Keel, and Zanda on drums, bass, and keyboard," Gerard said.
"How many of you like The Cure?" Jazz asked getting a reply of loud cheers from the audience.
I ran back to the tour bus, finally able to move as Gerard started walking toward Bob and I. I locked myself in and sat on the couch. Thinking. A random tear here and there. And clutching my chest because of the pain.
* Gerard's POV *
The song I'd written for Frank closed and I introduced Ray and Jazz for their song. I walked over to where Bob was standing alone.
"Hey, where's Frank?" I asked.
"Um," Bob looked around. "Bathroom, probably."
"Right," I said. I turned back to watch Jazz and Ray's song.
"Well, we're gonna do 'Lovesong' by that particular group," Jazz continued. The crowd cheered more the before as they started to play.
"Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am home again...."
They coninued the song but towards the end, I noticed Frank still wasn't back. I turned and walked towards the tour bus because for some reason, I knew that's where he really was.
~*~
It's been about twenty minuets and I keep thinking of him, so I went after him. He was my best friend after all. I got to the door of the bus and heard muffled sobs.
*Frank's POV*
I couldn't keep it in any longer. I just had to let it all out. The two people I love have left me. Left me for eachother, maybe that's why I like both of them. Because they're so much alike. But now I have no one and since Gerard has Zanda then maybe I really should quit the band. I'll talk to him first. It would just end worse than before if I didn't. I heard someone walk towards the bus so I shoved my head in my pillow, trying to make myself stop. I must seem like such a pansy.
I heard someone walk into the bus after unlocking the door. I didn't care who it was until I heard that voice, really quiet but not a whisper. "Frankie," my heart melted. So maybe I haven't gotten over him. I saw him out of the corner of my eye come towards my bunk.
*Gerards POV*
So maybe my feelings haven't changed. Maybe I still love him. I can tell because everytime I see that face look at me, his expression softens and he grins until something else catches his attention. I love him.
*Franks POV*
He looked at me with those eyes. The eyes I would wish were looking at me everytime we were apart. I looked down to his lips. They were perfect, and I just wanted to kiss him. So I did, only to realize moments later that this wasn't a dream. So I pulled back. I couldn't even look at him. But I had no choice he brought his hand and put it under my chin and moved my head so we we're looking into eachothers eye's. I had ruined our whole friendship. I couldn't think because his lips crashed right back into mine. As he pulled back he whispeared to me.
"And you never even knew..."
No one told me what the schedual was for tonight. I guess I'll have just follow everyone else. We started with three songs then Gerard started talking about... what? Since when are the girls coming up to play with us?! Maybe Gerard was trying to get me back for almost breaking the promise. Ray shoved me off the stage and Bob came soon came after me. The only people who were up there were Zanda, Gerard, Ray, Mikey, Tay, Jazz, and Keel who was playing rhythem guitar instead of bass. My job. But I didn't know the song. It was new.
"Well, we're gonna do things a little different, tonight," said Gerard.
"Yeah, we've got a new song called, 'I Don't Love You,'" said Zanda as the intro closed.
Gerard started to sing:
"Well when you go,
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay.
And maybe when you get back,
I'll be off to find another way.
And after all this time that you still owe,
You're still a good for nothing I don't know.
So take your gloves and get out.
Better get out.
While you can."
I listened to the lyrics. I wondered who wrote it. The pattern was familiar but matched two people. Guess who? The singers. Zanda joined Gerard in what was apparently the chorus:
" When you go
Would your even turn to say,
'I don't love you
like I did yesterday.'"
Zanda wrote it. Obviously. The next verse was about how I'd broken my promise. How I'd hurt her.
"Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading.
So sick and tired of all the needless beating.
But baby when they knock you down and out
Is where you oughtta stay.
And after all the blood that you still owe,
Another dollar's just another blow.
So fix your eyes and get up.
Better get up.
While you can."
I can't believe this. Bob was next to me, listening and nodding along. Even murmuring some of the words. He'd known! They didn't tell me because the song's about me! But that really didn't matter now.
I had still held on to a ray of hope that Zanda would forgive me. But that ray of light was extinguished. She didn't love me anymore. I knew she had because I'd felt it. But now I had nothing but ice in the pit of my stomach. It was my turn to get my heart broken. Gerard and Zanda were going to be happy together. The happy song writing couple. But this was going to be worse than getting abandoned. They'd be all lovey dovey, dangling what I could have had in front of me. I hated Gerard at that precise moment. I think I even hated Zandalee, Miss Girl of My Dreams. The two people who I wanted to be with more than anyone, were going to be together, with me off to the side as just another rhythm guitarist.
"When you go
Would you even turn to say,
"I don't love you like I did yeasterday.
Well come on, come on!."
Ray and Keel ripped it out here, making me even angrier. They'd shoved me off stage as if I was just a stand-in. Bob was off stage as well, but he'd known what was going on. Tay's drum beating, Keel and Ray's guitars, Jazz's keyboard, and Mikey's bass softened and most died out as Gerard and Zanda followed with softer than air voices:
"When you go
Would you have the guts to say,
'I don't love you,
like I loved you yester..
DAY! I don't love you
Like I loved you you yesterday.
I don't love you
Like I loved you yesterday."
The song ended and I stood there, frozen as the crowd roared.
"Ray and Jazz have a song as well. Of course along with Bob, Keel, and Zanda on drums, bass, and keyboard," Gerard said.
"How many of you like The Cure?" Jazz asked getting a reply of loud cheers from the audience.
I ran back to the tour bus, finally able to move as Gerard started walking toward Bob and I. I locked myself in and sat on the couch. Thinking. A random tear here and there. And clutching my chest because of the pain.
* Gerard's POV *
The song I'd written for Frank closed and I introduced Ray and Jazz for their song. I walked over to where Bob was standing alone.
"Hey, where's Frank?" I asked.
"Um," Bob looked around. "Bathroom, probably."
"Right," I said. I turned back to watch Jazz and Ray's song.
"Well, we're gonna do 'Lovesong' by that particular group," Jazz continued. The crowd cheered more the before as they started to play.
"Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am home again...."
They coninued the song but towards the end, I noticed Frank still wasn't back. I turned and walked towards the tour bus because for some reason, I knew that's where he really was.
~*~
It's been about twenty minuets and I keep thinking of him, so I went after him. He was my best friend after all. I got to the door of the bus and heard muffled sobs.
*Frank's POV*
I couldn't keep it in any longer. I just had to let it all out. The two people I love have left me. Left me for eachother, maybe that's why I like both of them. Because they're so much alike. But now I have no one and since Gerard has Zanda then maybe I really should quit the band. I'll talk to him first. It would just end worse than before if I didn't. I heard someone walk towards the bus so I shoved my head in my pillow, trying to make myself stop. I must seem like such a pansy.
I heard someone walk into the bus after unlocking the door. I didn't care who it was until I heard that voice, really quiet but not a whisper. "Frankie," my heart melted. So maybe I haven't gotten over him. I saw him out of the corner of my eye come towards my bunk.
*Gerards POV*
So maybe my feelings haven't changed. Maybe I still love him. I can tell because everytime I see that face look at me, his expression softens and he grins until something else catches his attention. I love him.
*Franks POV*
He looked at me with those eyes. The eyes I would wish were looking at me everytime we were apart. I looked down to his lips. They were perfect, and I just wanted to kiss him. So I did, only to realize moments later that this wasn't a dream. So I pulled back. I couldn't even look at him. But I had no choice he brought his hand and put it under my chin and moved my head so we we're looking into eachothers eye's. I had ruined our whole friendship. I couldn't think because his lips crashed right back into mine. As he pulled back he whispeared to me.
"And you never even knew..."