Sell Your Soul

The sound of my stomach rumbling was what initially woke me up the next morning. I'm not one to wake up and eat immediately, but damn, whatever smell that was floating through the house smelled pretty delicious.

I rolled out of bed and walked to the bathroom to relieve myself before I made my way downstairs and to my kitchen. The first thing I saw was April standing in front of the stove with a spatula in her right hand and her other hand on her hip.

From behind she looked like someone who was really worth keeping around, not some bitch who hated my friends and was a junkie. I really hated her. The day before really opened my eyes and made it clear.

I stood in the doorway and tried to think of how I could put it into words. As much as I wanted to say, 'hey, you need to pack your shit and get out', it was really heartless, and I know if someone said that to me, I'd probably kick their ass and create hell for them.

April was enough of a problem as it was. Though saying something subtle didn't really appeal either. Somehow it seemed almost worst in my eyes. Of course anything that makes sense to any other regular person would cause all hell to break loose with April. I really fucked myself over by keeping her around.

She turned around and smiled at me. Her eyes were red and swollen. It was clearly evident that she had been crying not long before I made it downstairs. It created a sharp pang in my heart. But that's probably what she wanted to happen. She'd convince me it was all a mistake, and that she wanted us to stay together. But that was far from the truth and what I wanted. She was more of a hassle to keep around then to get rid of.

"Hey Matt," a weak smile found it's way across her chapped lips. She looked so fragile standing there. As much as I hated to admit it, the sight of her was starting to really get to my head. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and pretend everything was okay, but it wasn't.

I sighed and looked away before I stepped into the kitchen. "April."

Her body slouched over a little, like my voice physically hurt her. If only she had a real heart and emotions, maybe she'd see what she did to everyone around her.

"I made breakfast," she whispered back before she turned around and faced the stove again.

I nodded as I sat down on a high stool on the other side of the kitchen island. "I know."

The room was too quiet. Even the sound of bacon sizzling in the frying pan seemed to suddenly become muted.

She turned around with a frying pan in her hand and took a few steps over to the island where two plates were set across from me. She dished out some homefries and bacon onto the two plates and rinsed the pan out in the sink before grabbing the other frying pan on the stove. Once she dished the eggs onto the plates and rinsed the second frying pan she slid a plate towards me and then a glass of orange juice.

"Thanks," my voice was level and held no enthusiasm and very little emotion.

She nodded her head. "You're welcome Matt."

I watched as she debated where to sit. It was either next to me or across the room at the dinning table. I could see she wanted to be next to me, but she was fearful that I would blow up at her.

I sighed and pulled the stool out for her that was to my right. She looked up at me and made her way over to my side of the island and sat her plate and orange juice down before she sat up on the stool. "Thank-you."

I nodded my head and took another bite of bacon as I stared at the tiled backsplash along the far wall.

"I think we need to talk." April finally spoke, but her voice failed her and it came out weak and small instead of strong and confident.

"Later." I stood up and tossed my plate in the sink and left the kitchen.

I went up to my room and locked my door behind me. I walked into the bathroom and tossed my boxers into the hamper before I stepped into my tiled stand-up shower.

I let the hot water run down over my face and the rest of my body. It relaxed my tensed muscles and made me feel a lot better then what I was actually feeling.

When the hot water began to run out, I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist and walked back into my bedroom. I grabbed a clean pair of black boxers from my top drawer and slipped them on. I rubbed my short hair with the towel to dry it a bit more and then tossed it on the floor.

I tossed on deodorant before I walked back into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and made my way back towards my closet. I grabbed a white Guns 'N' Roses sleeveless shirt and a pair of black surf shorts.

I picked up my keys off the top of my dresser and my wallet and shoved them in my pockets. I grabbed my aviators and put them on and left my room to make my way back downstairs again.

I slipped on a pair of black sandals, disregarding my slip-ons right next to them. I didn't know where I was going to end up, I just needed to think.

"I'm going out for a while." I called out before I closed the door behind me and walked to my car. I unlocked the door and slid into the driver's seat. I sat in silence with the keys in the ignition for a few minutes. I didn't want to drive aimlessly around Huntington. I was the type to always have a destination in mind and then set out to it.

I sighed and turned the ignition to start my car. I shoved in Metallica's Garage Inc. into the car's CD player and backed out of my driveway.

When I got to the destination that I had settled on, I sat out in my car, debating if it was the right thing to do or not, if it was the right person to see. In my gut I knew it was, but my head was clouded. I wasn't the Matt that I used to be anymore. I wasn't sure if I liked that fact or not.

I sighed and got out of my car before I could pansy out. I shoved my hands in my pockets as I walked along the stone path to the front door. I raised my fist, but the burgundy door opened before I even came in contact with it.

"Hey Matt," her voice was so soft and sweet. I looked up from the ground and met her eyes. Hazel orbs stared back at me, reading me like I was a book.

"Hey Kayla," I smiled up at her. In an instant she had me wrapped up in her arms and suddenly everything felt alright. My tensed muscles relaxed and my heartbeat slowly became regular again.

It was moments like that, that utterly killed me inside more than ever. To this day I still don't understand why things ever ended between us; we had always been so perfect together. I had never been the same since.

How could I not have changed, when it was Kayla who still had my heart in her hands grasp. I wanted to be able to move on and find someone else to love, and for them to love me just as much in return, but April could never be human enough to gain my love. I was sure of that.

Maybe in the long run things hadn't been April's fault. Sure she was far from perfect, and she was nothing but a backstabbing, manipulative bitch, but maybe I was the problem.

Maybe I was the fucked up one in the end.

Who knew?