Do I Really Love You, Or Is It Just Me?

“So where are we going tonight?” We were walking down the street to my house; I had started to swing our holding hands as we walked.

“Well, I was thinking that we could go see a movie. Then maybe dinner. And then maybe…you know…meet…the parents…” he said the last part quietly. I still managed to hear him though.

My eyes popped open wide and my head turned to look at him so fast that I heard a crack. “Excuse me?”

A mixture of guilt and sheepishness dominated his features. “I thought that it would be a good idea if we you know, told our parents about, well, us.” He explained, looking everywhere but at me.

I took a deep silent breath before responding. I didn’t like the thought of my parents of having to meet my boyfriend but oh well. I guess that it would be better now than never. I stepped forward and pressed my lips to his firmly. He kissed back and wrapped his arms around my waist. I pulled away after a few seconds. “I think that’s a great idea,” I said with a smile on my face. He smiled ad took my hand again, leading me to my house again.

About five minutes later and we were at my house. We stopped and he took both of my hands in his own. “All right, well I guess I’ll see you later. I will pick you, up at around six, I guess,” he said, holding my hands.

“Mmmkay, what movie are we going to see?” I asked, staring at our hands.

I looked up when he didn’t respond, in time to see his eyes swish from side to side. “It’s a surprise,” he said and smiled, showing all of his teeth. In other words, he had no clue. I playfully rolled my eyes at him. He gasped in mock hurt.

“Fine then, we’ll go see one of those chick flick date movies with preps,” he said, smirking. My heart skipped a beat. I love that smirk. Then it registered in my head what he said. He knows how much I hate those kinds of movies.

“You wouldn’t?” I gasped at him in shock. He just smiled innocently and kissed me on the lips. He then dropped our hands and walked off to his house. I stared after him, a little put out that he left me so soon. But I comforted myself with the fact that I would be seeing him again soon. I smiled and jumped a little at the prospect of my first official date with him. I’m surprised I didn’t scream right then and there.

But I did skip all the way to my front door. That’s right, I fucking skipped. As usual, I got that prickly feeling on the back of my neck. As if someone was watching me, again. I pushed it out of my mind, choosing not to think about it. This has been happening to me for the past week or so. I get the prickly feeling, I turn to look, and no one will be there. I eventually chalked it up to paranoia.

I unlocked my front door, depositing my bag and boots in the closet. I walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. After I made some beautiful and heavenly liquid, I glanced quickly at the clock. It was now about four thirty. I had about an hour and a half until Frank came. So about twenty minutes and five cups later, I was ready to start getting ready for tonight. Hey! That’s funny. I’m ready to start getting ready! It’s sad how I’m able to entertain myself so easily.

I sprinted out the kitchen and straight to my room. I burst through the door, letting it slam against the wall. I skidded to a stop in the middle of my room, teetering on my tippy toes. Hehe, I love those words. Tippy toes. Hehe. It’s fun to say. Say it! Now! The waffles command you! …Hi! Hehe…okay I’m good now.

I stood in the middle of my room, with no idea of what to do. Then I spotted my stereo a few feet away. Within five seconds I had Black Flag blasting through my speakers. Then I just stood there, again, bored as hell, again. Then I remembered that I had the entire house to myself. I let out a joyful scream, turned up the volume as high as it would go, and ran around the entire house.

Then it occurred to me to check the time. The clock in the living room read 5:00 PM. Shit! I gotta get ready! I ran back upstairs and grabbed the necessities and ran to take a shower. Fifteen minutes later and I was dressed and my make up done. I was straightening my hair when I heard voices downstairs, Black Flag still blaring throughout the house. “Raven, turn that off!” a voice called upstairs. My parents were home. Shit! Not good, I was hoping that I would be gone before they got home. I finished my hair and ran back to my room and turned off my stereo, putting off the explanation about my date tonight. I grabbed my choker with a bat medallion. I grabbed my black and purple striped fingerless gloves and yanked them on my hands. Then I grabbed my silver coffin shaped ring and put it on. Before glancing at my reflection, I placed the barbells in my ear and eyebrow.

My hair was straightened and my fringe was going over my right eye. My eyes were outlined in black. I was wearing black skinnies, a slim fitting Black Flag shirt, and black flats with spider webs patterns. Oh, not to mention my black belt with purple stud and Gir belt buckle. I approved of my reflection and ran out my room, grabbing my small Emily the Strange bag.

I stopped at the top of the stairs and crept down them quietly. I made it to the bottom without alerting my parents. Okay, so far, so good. Then I froze. Right ahead of me was the front door. But off to my right was the living room. Where the TV was on. And my parents were talking. …Fuck.

I took a deep breath and started to tip toe past the room. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my parents watching TV, facing away from me. I tiptoed past, I was so close to the door…only a little bit more now…just a few more steps and-

“Where do you think you’re going young lady?” My dad’s voice rang out loud and clear in the living room. I stopped where I was and turned my head to look at my parents. My dad was sitting closest to me, on the couch with his head turned toward me. My mom was across the room, sitting in the armchair.

I think everyone in the neighborhood heard me gulp. Cause if I tell them about me and Frank, there’s gonna be questions galore! What’s his name? How old is he? Where does he live? What’s his phone number? What’s his social security number? Trust me, they’ve done it before. I could feel a headache start to make itself known. And not just from all the questions. I shuddered at unpleasant memories.

“Raven, where are you going,” my dad repeated. I jumped at his voice. I guess I kinda zoned out. I started to fume a little. So what if I wanna go out? Do I need permission? Oh, well I guess me and Nate did kinda sneak out last week.

“Um…out,” I answered vaguely, looking down at the floor.

“Rave,” my mom said in the no-nonsense tone she used sometimes.

I glanced at the clock before answering. The bug hand was close to the twelve and the small hand was between the five and six, closer to the six. 5:58. Any minute now. I took a deep breath. “I’m going out with my boyfriend Frank tonight,” I said in a rush.

My parents’ mouths just dropped open. I smiled sweetly and then the doorbell rang. Oh thank you sweet lord! I smiled sweetly again and ran to the door to answer it. I threw the door open, revealing Frank standing there. And then my mouth dropped open. He was wearing tight dark gray skinnies and a black Misfits shirt that hinted a little at the muscles the concealed. His eyes were outlined in black and his hair was done in the usual Mohawk fashion. His tattered checkered Vans completed his perfection. He looked sexy.

“Hi,” he said with a little wave. I almost pounced on him right then. But then I remembered my parents still in shock in the other room and settled with taking his hand and kissing him on the lips.

“Let’s go now,” I said and tried to lead him away quickly. No such luck.

Instead, he led me into the house. “Nope. First part of our date is meeting your parents,” he explained as he headed towards the living room where all the noise was coming from. I paused to wonder when I would get to meet his and followed. We stopped in the living room to see my parents still sitting there with their mouths hanging open. Um…oops.

They snapped back to reality after a few seconds. Then they saw us standing there, holding hands. They just stared at us, not saying anything. The silence seemed almost deafening. Frank was the first to break it. “Hello Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I’m Frank Iero.” My heart was thumping against my chest. Shit, here come the questions.

“Hello Frank, our daughter tells us that you two are dating,” my dad replied, standing up and walking around the couch to stand in front of us, my mom following.

“Yes sir. In fact we’re going to the movies now, then dinner, and then we’re going back to my house if that’s all right. Then we’re going to our friend’s Bob’s house.” I could tell my dad like the ‘sir’ part by the way he nodded. But I was still insanely nervous. My heart picked up pace and Frank squeezed my hand reassuringly. My dad opened his mouth to say something but my mom cut him off.

“Of course Frank. You two go ahead and go on your date now. Be back by midnight though,” my mom said with a genuine smile. I was tempted to tackle my mom into a hug. And midnight! Hell yes!

Frank flashed a grateful (and charming) smile. “Of course, thank you Mr. and Mrs. Smith.”

“Oh no, call us Lauren and Dylan. Now you two get going or you’ll be late for the movie,” my mom answered and Frank flashed that smile again and pulled me away from the living room and toward the front door.

Just before walking outside, I hear my dad whine, “Lauren.” My mom answered in an annoyed tone, “Oh calm down Dylan.” I burst out laughing as soon as we were walking down the street. Frank just looked at me weird. I shook my head, smiling. He playfully rolled his eyes at me. I smacked his arm.

“So what movie are we going to see?” I asked a few minutes later.

“We are going to see the new horror movie,” he answered as we walked to the small movie theater near my house. We arrived there and Frank kept on insisting that he would buy the tickets. He can be so stubborn sometimes. As soon as he bought the tickets and walked through the doors, he made a beeline for the concessions. I followed just in time to see that he had bought Skittles.

I laughed and he smiled, taking my hand and leading me to the dude to give him our tickets. He showed us where our room was, his eyes flicking from Frank to me, settling on me and his eyes traveling down me. Frank seized my hand and pulled me along, pushing past the guy, muttering death threats. I walked a little faster and pecked his cheek. He stopped muttering and let go of my hand, his arm slithering around my waist. He kissed the side of my head and we walked into the…showing room place…I have no idea what in the hell its called.

We walked al the way to the back and sat there. He sighed and started to open the bag of Skittles. I made an ‘eep’ sound and snatched it out of his hands. I hid it behind my back as he raised his eyebrow in confusion. “It’s tradition to wait for the movie to start,” I explained. He gave me a disbelieving look and held out his hand. I just stared at him and gave him a puppy dog pout.

“Oh fine!” he relented, taking his hand away. Ha! I knew he would cave. I smiled happily and gave him a thank you kiss. He smiled and put his arm around my shoulders. I pushed up my glove on my left hand to glance at the time on my Charmander watch. We had ten minutes left to kill. So we just spent that time talking about random shit. Mostly about whether or not you could fall up while going down.

It’s a very interesting topic of conversation. We came up with many different ways. Something about flying elephants with spatulas and talking hippos with a British accent wearing a tutu. Yeah, I’m thinking that I’m not the only one who had coffee earlier. Then the movie started. Before a quarter of the movie was through, my head was buried in his chest. And I stayed like that for the rest of the movie. Every five or ten minutes, he would lean his head down and kiss the top of my head. I just snuggled my head into his chest. I breathed in his scent to try to comfort myself and take my mind off of the sounds of the carnage on the screen.

Finally, after about an hour and a half of blood and gore splattering across the screen, the movie ended. We stood up and left, walking past the guy who had been looking at me earlier. Frank growled a little deep in his throat. I took his hand and quickly led him to the exit before he was arrested for beating the shit out of that guy.

When we walked outside, the cold air hit me like a ton of bricks. My stomach felt queasy and bile rose in my throat. Shit. I hate blood. I swayed where I was. My knees started to buckle and I almost fell when I felt strong arms wrap around me. His heavenly voice drifted toward me through the nauseous haze. “Are you okay?”

I weakly nodded my head, “Yeah…I think so. I just get really queasy around blood like that.” I immediately regretted what I said. Bad idea to talk at the moment, at least that’s what my stomach decided.

“Do you want to sit?” he whispered in my ear, kissing the side of my head. I shook my head no, I didn’t want to sit in case the close proximity to the ground would convince me to puke everywhere or faint. I really didn’t want to do either. However, I was hoping for the latter as unpleasant memories floated to the forefront of my mind. At least if I fainted I could escape them. I felt even queasier at the thought. “Can you walk?”

I nodded my head and stood up shakily. He removed his arms but protectively kept his hands on my upper arms to catch me in case I fell. I tried to take a step forward but my legs almost immediately gave out. The ground rushed up to meet me at an odd angle. My fall was broken when someone caught me and the ground moved away from me. My eyes closed slightly when I started to fall, the rushing air burned my eyes.

So I could only see through my eyelashes. The person who had caught me was muttering to himself. My cheek was pressed against the soft fabric of a t-shirt. Beneath the shirt, I could hear a strong heartbeat. The sound calmed and soothed me. I rested my head against the person’s chest. Through the haze, I noticed something weird. I felt as if I was moving. But why was I moving? I shouldn’t be moving. Although the motion was calming down my stomach.

I forced my eyes open and looked up. Frank’s face was above me, beautiful and serene. He was muttering under his breath something about being an idiot. He was the one carrying me. One of his arms was under my knees, and his other was around my back. I breathed in his scent and sighed silently in relief. The nauseous haze was finally clearing. I turned my head and snuggled my face into his chest.

“You okay?” His voice was laced with panic and concern.

“Yeah.” I answered, my voice muffled by his shirt. He still seemed to hear me.

“Good. I’m sorry about what happened,” he said, this time with sadness in his tone.

“It’s fine. Really. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. You didn’t know blood made me sick.” No one knew. Unpleasant memories started to resurface again at the words.

“I still should’ve called you earlier to find out what movie you wanted to see, instead of just deciding without asking you. I’m taking you home.” I tuned the first part of what he said out. The second, however, registered immediately. Oh no. Not good. I did not want to be left alone at the moment.

I looked up at him while trying to cover up the pain that had surely appeared on my face. “No, I want to finish our date.”

“Raven, you almost got sick back there. I’m taking you home before you really do get sick.”

“What if I stood all by myself without falling flat on my face? Then can we finish our date?” He stopped walking, processing my question. “Please Frankie,” I added for emphasis.

He gave in a few seconds later. “All right.” He bent at the knees and lowered my feet to the ground. He made sure I was able to stand before removing his arms. I silently thanked him for carrying me and his scent. It seemed to calm down my queasy self and didn’t make what I just said a complete lie. I was able to stand by myself, even if I was still a bit shaky. I held my hands out to the sides ‘See?’ expression on my face.

He stood there, looking me up and down, assessing my stance. He seemed satisfied and walked over to me, pulling a black bandana out of his pocket. He walked around behind me and tied it around my eyes.

“Nope,” he answered and grabbed my hands and returned them to my sides. “I want you to be surprised when we get to dinner.”

“Oh…okay!” I exclaimed turning and searching for him with my hands. He giggled as my hands found his after a few seconds. I smiled and stretched my face to where I thought his would be in the darkness. He made it easier when he met my lips with his. I could almost picture him bending to stretch his face to mine. We pulled away a few seconds later and he took my hand, beginning to lead me to dinner.

I followed trustingly, unsure of what would happen next. I do admit that I was a little nervous. What if it was a fancy restaurant? A diner? A candle-lit dinner? Was I under dressed? The only thing that kept me from freaking out completely was the feel of his hand in mine and the sound of his foot steps. A few minutes later and he stopped. I stopped too; I didn’t want to accidentally crash him. He removed his hand and I heard him step around behind me. “We’re here!” he said in a sing-song voice.

He untied the bandana and I blinked in the sudden brightness. I laughed when I saw the place. It was the small café I fell in love with the day after me and Frankie got together. The guys had been helping me and Nate with our rooms and we had decided to take a break and went for a walk. They had led us to this place and we all had gotten coffee. It was the best damn café. “You don’t like it?” he asked in a hurt tone.

“No, silly. I love it! I just think its adorable how you chose this place,” I explained as I turned to face him and then kissed the tip of his nose. He smiled, showing all of his teeth. Then we walked over to the café, titled CC. I found out when we came here before that it stood for Coffee Café. I had to keep from bursting out laughing at the time.

He walked ahead of me and opened the door for me, bowing like a gentleman. I walked in and he stepped in after me, allowing the door to close silently behind him. He looked around for a minute and then placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me to the right. He pushed me over to one of the tables against the window. With his hands still on my shoulders, he stopped me; I couldn’t stop smiling. I just thought it was so adorable!

He took one hand off my shoulder and reached over to pull out one of the chairs. I giggled at his gentlemanly ways and sat. He made sure I was comfortable before excusing himself and running off to the counter. I swung my legs under the table and watched as he stared intently up at the menu. I could imagine him sticking his tongue out of the side of his mouth a little. He does that sometimes when he’s thinking.

Finally, after countless times of him raising his finger and lowering it, I watched him speak to the guy behind the counter. Frank pulled out his wallet from his back pocket and I watched as he pulled out a dollar bill and handed it to the guy. The guy took the money and handed Frank his change before walking back and forth around the machines. I decided to look away; I wanted to be surprised when he brought the stuff over.

I had started to entertain myself with counting all of the tiles in the wall when a black plastic tray was placed in the middle of the table. I looked over to see Frank sitting across from me and pulling things off of the tray. “One large mocha frappuccino and banana nut bread for the young lady,” he said placing my food and drink in front of me.

“Hehe, why thank you,” I said and picked up my frappuccino and taking a sip happily.

“Haha, why you’re welcome my dear,” he replied as he took his own food and drink off of the tray. He had gotten himself a latte and a flapjack. He raised the cup to his lips and breathed in the smell before taking a sip. I had to busy myself with nibbling on my piece of bread and studying the wall to keep from staring. I thought I felt eyes on the side of my head but I thought it was just my paranoia kicking in again so I didn’t think anything of it.

“You’re cute when you do that, you know,” Frank remarked out of the blue. I turned to look at him in confusion, still nibbling on my bread. He had started to pull his flapjack apart and was eating it in pieces. I cocked my head to the side as a question. “When you nibble like that, you’re like a squirrel,” he explained with a giggle.

I giggled too and pulled the bread away from my face long enough to say, “Yeah but squirrels are evil.”

“That is true,” he agreed with a laugh as he drank some more of his latte.

I gasped in mock hurt. “So are you calling me evil now Frankie?”

“Mmm, mayyyybe,” he said with a devilish smirk. I pretended to glare at him as I nibbled on my bread.

“Aw, I’m sorry Rave,” he said and placed down the piece of flapjack he had been about to eat and rubbed his hands clean on his jeans. He leaned across the table, his hands reaching for mine. But I just sat there, and looked at his hands. I was holding the bread to my mouth with both my hands, still nibbling. My hands had no intention of moving. He stared up at me with a pleading expression and stuck his bottom lip out. I caved. I put down my bread and wiped my hands clean and entwined my hands with his and leaned over to kiss his forehead. He smiled and kissed one of my fingers before pulling away. I smiled and returned to my banana nut bread and latte.

Ten minutes later and we were leaving the café, another latte to go for him and another mocha frappuccino to go for me. He took my hand and we walked down the street to our next destination! Which I have no idea where the hell that it. “Hey Frankie, where are we going?”

His face went a deep scarlet color before he spoke, “Um…I thought we could um…go to my house…so um…you can meet my mom…”

“Aw, Frankie, I would love to meet your parents,” I assured him and leaned over and pressed my lips to his cheek. I could practically hear the steam come out of his ears as the red disappeared from his face. And pretty soon we were walking down an unfamiliar street. I looked around the houses, trying to guess which house was his. I was deciding between a one story brick house or a one floor rancher when something occurred to me. “Hey Frank? What happened to those Skittles earlier?”

He removed his hand from mine and reached into his back pocket and pulled out a half empty packet of Skittles. I stared at them and then at him. “I got kinda hungry during the movie,” he said, shrugging one of his shoulders. I didn’t even realize that they had disappeared from my back pocket. I leaned over and kissed him again before he put the Skittles back in his pocket and took my hand again.

We started walking down the street again and I was sure we heading towards the rancher when he walked past it to the house next to it. It was a nice looking house. The house was a nice soft red with a dark brown wooden door. There was one big tree in the middle of the yard, with a flower bed surrounding it that was growing wild with roses. It was two stories and the shutters were the same dark wood as the door. And there was a driveway with one small purple car. It was a beautiful house. “Well, what do you think?” Frank asked nervously.

“I think it’s beautiful,” I said, still staring at the house, “especially that purple car.”

“Haha, yeah that’s my mom car and she takes great pride in our house.” He then led me up over the lawn toward the door, bypassing the tree. He walked up to the front door and let himself in. He walked in and pulled me in. He let go of my hand temporarily to pull off his shoes and place them under a small table next to the wall. I copied him and took his hand in mine again. “Mom?” he called as he pulled me forward.

“In here, sweetie,” a voice called back from deeper into the house. I felt my muscles tense at the thought of meeting his mom. He felt me tense and squeezed my hand reassuringly. He led me farther into the house and re emerged from the hallway into the kitchen. It was a baker’s paradise. I don’t even know how to describe it. It was just a baker’s paradise. That’s all I can say.

There was a young woman standing at the stove. She had dark brown hair and was a bit taller than Frank. When we walked in, she turned around with a friendly smile on her face. “Hi sweetie, who’s this?” She placed spatula she had been using on the counter next to the stove.

“Rave, this is my mom. Mom, this is Raven, my girlfriend,” Frank introduced us to each other with a smile. His mom’s eyes went wide and she looked at her son with a smile.

“Girlfriend? Really? Well, Frank I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” his mom said as she looked between us with a smile. A sheepish expression appeared on Frank’s face.

“Yeah, um, sorry, I was, um, yea,” Frank said, trying to find the right words.

“It’s all right, I did the same thing when I was your age,” his mom said. Then she turned to me. “Hello, Raven, I’m Frank’s mom, nice to meet you.” She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me in a motherly hug.

“Hello, nice to meet you too, Ms. Iero?” I said uncertainly.

“Please, call me Linda,” she said as she stepped away. I nodded and smiled. “So, are you guys hungry? I’m making dinner.”

“Thanks mom, but we already ate,” Frank said.

“But I’m making pancakes,” his mom said, pointing behind her at the stove. I looked up at him to see him wavering. I knew how much he loved pancakes.

“All right, fine! We’ll stay for some pancakes,” he said and rolled his eyes. Then pulled back as his mom leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.

“Okay, I’ll let you know when they’re done, sweetie,” she said and turned back to the stove.

“Kay, we’re going up to my room.” He didn’t wait for an answer and pulled me back into the hallway. We walked over to a set of stairs I hadn’t noticed before and walked up. We walked onto the second landing and down the hallway to the door all the way on the end on the right. We stopped in front of it and Frank opened the wooden door and let me go in first.

His room wasn’t big, but also wasn’t small. The walls were painted blood red and there was a bed with a black bed set against the farthest wall in the corner. There was a desk across the room from that with guitar books stacked neatly on it. Most of the wall space was taken up by millions of band posters. There were The Misfits, Black Flag, Bouncing Souls, and more.

I walked into the room and looked around it. “Well, what do you think?” Frank’s nervous voice floated from behind me.

“I love it!” I said happily and spun to face him. He smiled his beautiful smile and pulled me over to the bed. He leaned back against the headboard and I lied next to me. I leaned my head on his chest and traced circles on his chest lightly with the tip of my finger while I looked at the posters on his wall. I was trying to count how many Bouncing Souls posters he had but kept losing track. I shivered pleasantly as he buried his head in my hair.

His voice was muffled as he spoke. “I love you.”

My finger stopped mid-circle.

I looked up into his eyes to see he was telling the truth. The love was reflected in his eyes and his face. My heart gave a joyful leap. For once, someone told me that they love me and meant it. There was no chance that he was lying. There was no trace of it anywhere on his face. And I knew my response seconds after he announced his.

“I love you too.”