Fear and Love

I'll drink to that, let's drink to that!

I stepped into the dark club, my eyes adjusting to the change surprisingly fast. I walked down a few steps toward the dance floor, then edged my way around the gyrating bodies already filling the space and over to the bar that was occupied the entire back wall of the building.

A bartender who looked like she was half my age walked toward me. I met her eyes briefly as she gave me a once over. I never got why girls always did that to each other. She sniffed and just stared at me as she came to a stop in front of me, her hands set roughly on the counter as if I was interrupting something terribly important. I took her stony silence as a prompt to order.

“Uhm, can I just get a still water? Oh, and with ice, please…” I looked at her uneasily as I asked.

She closed her eyes, and let her head fall, nodding once and smirking, as if my American accent explained everything she needed to know about me. She handed me my water, with one of those cute little red cocktail straws in it and I found myself smiling foolishly as I asked her how much it was.

“No charge – you’re with Analisa, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” I nodded and I felt myself flush. Duh, Analisa told us everything was comp-ed. Well, a three drink maximum, anyway.

“Do I need a stamp or anything so you can count it toward the limit?”

She started at me blankly, “…It’s water.”

“Right! Okay, well I am an idiot. Just ignore me.”

She did just that, rolling her eyes and walking away. I walked back toward the dance floor, but slunk back, leaning on a railing that separated a seated area from the main floor. I felt someone walk up next to me, and I turned, desperately hoping it was Analisa or Elisha and not some dude wanting to dance – or worse, a guy wanting to buy me a drink. I knew it was a silly fear, but I’d been in extremely awkward situations before and it just got me nervous when guys wanted to buy me drinks and… “dance”. I never trusted their motives. Of course, part of this entire trip was to see if I could pry myself out of the shell I had been hiding from the world in… so I really needed to be more open to experiences, although I didn’t consider date rape to be one of those experiences. But, hey, carpe diem, right?

“Not wasting any time, eh?”

Elisha was standing with her hand on her hip, eying me with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, hell,” I motioned toward the dance floor, “I’d have to be intoxicated to get started in there. I mean, it’s only eight thirty for crying out loud! What are these people doing here?”

She laughed, “Fair point, I definitely don’t have an answer for that. But I am about to get started myself.”

“Oh, actually this is just water.” I lifted my cup and shrugged.

“I was gonna say, straight up vodka? Damn Molly, you’re hardcore!”

“Yeah, not me. I’m a pansy!”

“Well are you going to get a drink with me or not?”

The hand went back on the hip and she gave me a look that stung.

“Will it keep you from burning a hole in me with that look if I do get a drink with you?”

She considered for a second, “Well… yeah, I suppose so.”

Okay, if I must.” I teased.

“Yay!” she clapped her hands together, then grabbed my arm and dragged me back toward the bar.

When we reached the counter, she yelled for the bar girl who was currently talking to a really good looking guy. No wonder she’d been so irritated when I came up for my water, I thought involuntarily. It still didn’t give her an excuse to be so rude. I was probably just bitter.

Elisha ordered a cosmopolitan, and inspired by her girly order, I got an apple-tini. Miss Attitude eyed us with, well, attitude as she made our drinks, though she wasn’t as outright foul as she had been to me… presumably because I had a Brit with me this time. After we got our drinks and Miss Attitude gave us a wristband with a tally mark on it, Elisha pulled me toward the seating I’d previously been in front of, and we plopped down in one of the semi-circled booths. Elisha’s roommate and a couple guys that weren’t with the university group joined us a couple minutes later. Dudes 1 and 2 kept trying to buy us drinks because they didn’t believe that we got ours for free, however, two free drinks and many Britney Spears dance re-mixes later, we permitted them to buy us each a beer to top off our night, since we were out of the freebies, and well, they were still offering.

“Damn, I’m getting hella buzzed!” I gushed to Elisha as I leaned down to get my purse from under the bench where I’d just dropped it.

“You did NOT just say hella. Did you?”

I giggled, “Yeah! I lived in Oakland for two years so I picked up on the lingo of the locals.”

“You living in this Oak place and the local lingo means nothing to me. I’m British, remember? And a fairly sheltered one, at that.”

I just laughed and pulled out my (useless, except as a timepiece) phone to check the time.


If I was going to make it to Pat’s get together on time, I’d need to leave, oh, about two minutes ago. Then again, I should probably be fashionably late – make him think I had more important things to do… Like, uh, getting sloshed at my dorm headmistress’s sister’s club. Ha! Who was I kidding? He knew I was the new kid in town and didn’t know anyone. That is probably why he invited me to this fiesta in the first place. In any case, I knew I needed to leave now in case I couldn’t find my way as easily as Google Maps had suggested the trip from here to the pub was.

I took a couple of deep breaths before I tried to get up. Not because I was already drunk, I definitely wasn’t drunk yet. But I was walking that wobbly line that always presents itself to me after a few drinks. On one side of the line I felt good; Relaxed and happy. On the other side, I felt really good. Giggly and honest beyond belief. Oh, and slightly more uncoordinated than usual. And I sure as shit did not want to be on that side of the line when I saw Pat again, because chances of me making a fool of myself would be exponential.

Most of all though, I needed to clear my mind and think of a good reason why I was leaving the party early and alone. Surely Elisha would ask, and I suppose I could tell her the truth – but for some reason, it did not seem like the most prudent thing for me to do. Luckily, just at that moment, Elisha and Zoe were grabbed by the two guys and pulled out toward the dance floor. They laughed, protesting, but of course, they were four drinks deep and gave in easily. I scribbled a note on a napkin and wrapped it around her phone. I didn’t want her to worry about me when she got back and saw me gone.

I headed back early... the jet lag is catching up with me! Don’t bother checking on me when you get back, I’ll be out cold (Tylenol PM is a transnational flier’s best friend). See you in the morning.

I honestly did not know if I’d make it back to the dorm before Elisha or not. In fact, I was pretty sure she would be passed out before me, because before I turned to leave, Dude 1 and Dude 2 were buying her and the roomie more drinks. Good thing they lived together so the whole holding one another’s hair back and making sure they didn’t choke on their vomit wouldn’t be too difficult of a task. I would have to remember to ask Elisha about that tomorrow. Earlier she had seemed so uncomfortable when she mentioned Zoe but now they seemed fine, although, alcohol tends to make even the worst of enemies a little friendlier toward one another.
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So I know it has been forever, and this was actually a reserve chapter that was typed up BEFORE I went on hiatus, but it was recently lost when my computer crashed, but I finally recovered it... so here we are. The long awaited update.. :)

The song for this update is Knights Of The Island Counter by the lovely Dave Melillo!
I actually told him the other day that I was listening to this song and it made a terrible day much better, and his response was so sweet... he told me that my telling him that, made HIS day and put him in a better mood. Fabulous how stuff like that happens <3
(Also, there is the official recording AND this awesome acoustic version of the song on the playlist because I couldn't decide which I liked better, haha. Any thoughts on that?)

Anywho, playlist is here.

Comments/criticisms always welcome!