Flipping Coins

The day Brendon was able to finally withdraw from the hospital, it was some unintelligent person’s grand idea to go out and celebrate.

Now the meaning of the word “celebration” can vary with age differences. For instance, if it was your 85th birthday, you wouldn’t exactly want to have your elderly friends over and then hire a stripper to come over and party, right?

Well, since the guys were all 20-23 while I was a wee 19 year-old, the meaning of “celebration” was to go have dinner at Hooters, (Jon’s idea, not surprisingly) and then we would hit the clubs. The whole point of tonight, according to the others, was to get Brendon some action.

Of course, I wasn’t satisfied with that proposition, but what could I say without making it completely obvious that I had feelings for Brendon? No one knew except for me, myself, and I. I’ve never ever told a soul due to fear of the secret getting back to Brendon himself. Even Ryan remained clueless on that dirty little secret.

“Emie!” someone called from behind me, slugging me in the arm without holding back might. I learned early that the guys didn’t hold back on their hits, even if I was a girl.

Wincing, I turned and whined, “Godammit, Grey! What the hell do you want?”

Grey sighed, rolling his eyes as though it were obvious. “It’s not what I want, it’s what he wants,” he pointed across the hospital’s parking lot. There stood Ryan, flailing his lanky arms while gleaming his teeth in a wide grin at me.

“Oh, well in that case, I can’t thank you enough, Rocky,” I remarked to Grey, quickly slapping him on the back of his head and then sprinting off before he could calculate my actions and attack back.

“What’s up, doc?” I greeted Ryan once I reached him.

Ryan’s dimples deepened before asking, “Would you care to ride with me tonight?”

I gasped dramatically, placing a hand on my heart for emphasize. “Gosh! That’s a big commitment, Ry. I don’t know if our friendship is ready to take on that kind of responsibility. I mean, car rides is a pretty big step, don’t you think?”

Ryan rolled his eyes and opened his Cadillac’s door. “Get in, drama queen.”

Truth be told, I really wanted to refuse Ryan’s offer. I actually was hoping that Grey would let me ride with him since he was taking Brendon, but I guess karma was out to get me again with a knife in hand.

I tried to dress noticeably well tonight, but my closet held limitations. So, I ended up wearing something .5% dressier than my usual outfit choices. I kept my hair up, although I did go through an elongated five minute debate on whether I should let it loose or not.

But, even when I did make an effort to keep my aspect congenial, I still failed to catch Brendon’s eye. He had only briefly glimpsed at me when I said a pithy comment at the hospital, but everyone had did that along with him, so it wasn’t exactly abnormal or out of pure lust like my sneak-glances at him always were.

As I continued to replay the day’s earlier events, Ryan’s light tug against my sleeve jumbled me out of my thoughts to focus on reality.

I glanced at the smiling Ryan before I questioned, “Aren’t you supposed to be looking at the road, Cheshire Cat?”

Ryan rolled his eyes before giving a self-conscious flicker of his eyes to the road. “I just asked you a question and, if you ask me, it sounds as though you are avoiding answering it.”

Confused, I responded, “So not paying attention now means avoiding?”

Ryan sighed heavily; clearly flustered at my non-cooperative attitude, before asking me a question I couldn’t help but to blush at. “I asked you why you decided to dress up so extravagantly tonight?”

But Ryan never missed a thing, even if it was evening and the Sun should have done me justice of hiding the rush of warmth that had bloomed onto my cheeks, so he continued to harass. “Oh, so there is a reason, or should I say, special someone?”

Rolling my eyes, I attempted to play it off. “Oh sure, Ryan. You caught me. His first name is Special, and his last is Someone. You’re a genius.”

Ryan gave me the look, indicating that he wanted a straight answer minus the sarcasm.

“Why does there always have to be a special someone behind a girl’s cleaning up of appearance?” I questioned, turning the tables on him. “Can’t I fix up myself without being pestered about my motives?”

Ryan took that in and simply nodded his head.

And this made me want to lavish Ryan in hugs….

“You do have a valid point. Oh, hey! Did you see Grey’s new tint job? The guy totally got ripped off.”

He knew I was bullshitting, but he took the bait and dropped the subject anyways.

Do you see why Ryan Ross was the awesomest person in the world?

We were pulling into the Hooters parking lot minutes later, and I couldn’t help myself.

Leaping out of the car, I advanced towards Ryan and grasped him into a tight embrace of gratitude. I knew that whatever was going to happen tonight, for good or worse, he was going to be there to pick up the pieces and glue me back together. I guess the girl hormones took over, or maybe I was just dying for a hug, but whatever it was, I held onto Ryan like he was my lifeline.

Ryan seemed thoroughly confused, but wrapped his gangly arms around me none-the-less. When we pulled apart, he cocked a concerned eyebrow at me and asked, “You okay?”

I could feel the intense glare from an elderly couple exiting the restaurant, probably disapproving from our P.D.A, but I ignored them.

Nodding brightly, I gave Ryan a large grin in response to his question.

“What was that about, then?” Ryan questioned, still confused.

I shrugged. “I guess that’s just my ultra-girly way of saying thanks.” Without waiting for a reply, I entwined my fingers in his in a friendly gesture and towed him inside of Hooters with me.

Brendon, Jon, and Grey were already seated in a spacious booth that would fit ten people easily. They had taken the table right next to a giant window that overlooked the parking lot, so we had the benefit of seeing if our cars got jacked.

Jon and Grey were both bellowing with laughter at something most likely perverted when Ryan and I sauntered up.

“Hey guys!” Jon addressed us once all eyes had acknowledged our presence. “Boy oh boy do we have a story for you!”

Without a word of response, Jon went into this elaborate tale about how a couple of hicks ran them off the road or something along the lines of that plot. But as I was “intently” listening to Jon, I couldn’t help but to let my eyes linger off to the right at Brendon.

To my own shock, Brendon was gazing at me already. His auburn eyes were eyeing my own with some empathy lurking beneath the dark chocolate.

Embarrassed that he had caught me sneaking a peek at him, I had no time to annotate the emotion hidden within his orbs of wonder and snapped my eyes back to Jon.

Jon was still babbling on about the hicks gave them the finger, but I couldn’t concentrate to save my life. I was still trying to savor the fact that Brendon was supposedly sneaking looks at me too.

Biting my lip with debate, I decided to go for the risk and take another small peek at Brendon again. My eyes cautiously flickered to the right once more, only to see that Brendon was still gazing at me, just not at my face. He was eyeing my arm…no…my hand….

It was only then that I realized I was still clutching onto Ryan’s hand. It wasn’t like I had purposefully left my hand curled in Ryan’s to show that I had feelings for him or to try and spark up envious emotions that didn’t exist within Brendon. I had honestly just felt comfortable, and it had slipped my mind what holding hands could symbolize.

Hastily unraveling my fingers from Ryan’s calloused grip, I reeled my arm back to myself before shoving it violently into my jeans pocket. Ryan cleared his throat from beside me and took advantage of his now-released arm to scratch the back of his neck uncomfortably.

Apparently, I had made two people uncomfortable with my misleading actions.

When I looked back up at Brendon, he was sending me a confused expression. It was almost like he had expected me to meet his gaze again.

I played it off by sending him a puzzled expression back, acting like I was confused at why he was confused, before reeling my eyes back to Jon who had almost finished his story.

I joined in with the chorus of laughter that concluded Jon’s tale before Ryan and I took our seats. I made sure to sit inbetween Jon and a vacant spot instead of taking a seat next to Ryan, just to let Brendon know that I wasn’t interested in an intimate relationship with Ryan.

Soon Spencer and his girlfriend, Gretel, strolled up, linked by arms. Eventually our booth was full with the new additions of Zack and his wife, and Dan with some other girl that worked with him whom he brought along.

The dinner went by generally fast, and I spoke in seldom, adding a few comments here and there just to keep everyone aware that I was, indeed, still alive. We soon finished off our fries and wings, and everyone just sat around, the conversations still very much alive.

I hadn’t said a peep in at least ten minutes, and it was more out of fright than meekness or embarrassment. Questions brimmed my mind, each one adding more volume to the bubble of fear producing inside of me.

What if Brendon thought there was something going on between me and Ryan? Would he assume that quickly after just seeing us hold hands? Would he never develop any feelings for me if he continues to think that Ryan and I want to be more than friends?

Half-listening, all the information I gathered was that they were now harassing Spencer and Gretel about their relationship….

“So, are you planning on chucking Spencer soon? I mean, in case you haven’t realized, the dude is a pervert who has shaggy hair with a colony of lice invading it.” Grey smirked at Gretel while Spencer took an extra-long sip of his Budlight.

Gretel merely smiled sweetly before grabbing Spencer’s hand. Spencer looked a bit surprised, but before he could say anything, Gretel flickered her light brown eyes back to Grey and answered, “Well, I grew up with shaggy, flea-infested dogs in my house, so I’m used to it. And as for the pervert part, well, I don’t mind that one bit because that just means he gets into it when it comes to the bedroom.”

Grey looked shocked, Spencer looked proud (the weirdo), Ryan suppressed a laugh at her words, Brendon choked on his beer, and I chewed on my nail, obliviously clueless as to what was going on.

Gretel must have noticed that I wasn’t paying attention and remarked, “So Emie, how do you like your men in bed?”

Only peering up at the mention of my name, I realized that Gretel had so politely turned the spotlight to me, and everyone was now staring at me, apparently waiting for an answer.

Disconcerted and bashful, I answered with puzzlement, “Um…sure?”

Gretel giggled. “No, Emie! I asked you how you like your men in bed. You know, feisty? Sweet? Dirty? What?"

Feeling my face morph maroon, I stiffened at the question I could most definitely not answer. I flashed my eyes around wildly, my throat closing in, and then accidentally moved my eyes to Brendon, who was blushing just as feverously and staring pointedly down at his feet. I ended up just looking down at my feet too, biting my lip and praying to God that an earthquake would come just to break up this awkwardness that had built up from a simple question.

Ryan coughed to himself before laughing weakly. “Well, how about we head off to the club? Brendon doesn’t want to spend his party time sitting at Hooters for half the night.”

Everyone gruffly muttered agreements before scooting their chairs out and standing up, all except for poor Gretel who was lifted up by Spencer. Spencer flashed everyone a smile that was way too large as Gretel looked befuddled beyond words.

Spencer exclaimed, “We’ll see you guys there!” Then, he dragged Gretel out towards the exit, whispering harshly in her ear all the while.

So she hadn’t heard the story yet….

Not daring to look up, I stared downward at my scoffed, black flats as I shuffled out of the restaurant’s doors. Ryan said goodbye to everyone else and got directions before joining me inside of his Cadillac.

Ryan understood that I wasn’t in the mood for chit-chat and started his car silently, turning on the radio to drown out the awkward, non-communicating mood.

And before I could stop it, the memory of that night replayed in my head….

The feel of his full lips smothering themselves against my neck as his body fluently moved against mine made me anxious for what was to come. The sheets were sticking to our skin from the sweat we were giving off. Our breath hardening with every little touch, every little push, every little movement Brendon made against me. Each push of effort bringing me another round of adrenaline to rush through me and another sound to erupt from my throat. Brendon lightly smiled against the skin of my chest, pressing me harder into the mattress. I wanted this….I wanted this….

And, even though I felt like I had made the possibly the hugest mistake of my life at that moment, I also wanted it to happen. I wanted it with all of my heart. I wanted Brendon [insert big fat period here]

Getting lost in the blurry memory concealed in my brain, I was hardly aware that we had already arrived at the club. I just sat there, gazing without focus out of the passenger window at the non-moving scenery.

Feeling a focused watch on my face, I wounded my head back to find Ryan peeking up at me with a fixed stare. I raised an eyebrow, and he swiftly peered down at his hands. His fingers tinkered with the keys for his car as he feebly mumbled, “Um…are you ready? You know, to go inside?”

Chewing on the inside skin of my bottom lip, I looked back out of the window at the attracting, neon sign and wide, bricked building almost pounding with techno music. “Yeah…I guess it’s now or never.”

Looking back at Ryan for his response, he glanced back up at me with a concerned expression. “You know, you don’t have to go. I can take you home if you want. Shoot, I would even be more than happy to stay with you instead of going in there."

“You don’t want to go to the club?”

Ryan peered out of his own window as Grey’s car pulled up next to us. “Well…not really. But what Brendon wants, Brendon gets,” my skin gave off a slight shudder at the mention of his name, but Ryan took no notice. “Besides, I need to update my club status. The last club I went to was in Houston, Texas, and we had a gig there.” Ryan peered back at me to give me a sheepish smile.

“Beats me,” I snorted. “The last time I went to a club was…wait, does Chucky Cheese count?”

Ryan chortled along with me, but our laughter was cut short by a sudden thud. We both looked to Ryan’s window to see Grey smiling at our surprised and frightened faces.

“You two coming or should I come back another time?” Grey wiggled his eyebrows with a suggestive smirk as I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, sure. Come back when you grow a sense of maturity you twisted pervert. Save your dirty side for the porn sites at home.” I giggled at the glum face Grey threw on at my unbeatable comeback. He hated it when I beated him in comebacks, but I was really amazed that he hadn’t gotten used to it by now.

Brendon appeared then, punching Grey lightly for no reason before ordering, “Move along! Can we just get this night over with already? Puh-lease?”

Grey mimicked him in a shrilly high-pitched voice; only earning him another hard blow to the chest from Brendon’s clutched fist. All the while, I was trying to hold in another round of shudders at just the sight of Brendon’s face. The reference back to my unclear memory had really taken its toll on me.

Grey and Brendon began to bicker to each other, the distraction enough to leave me and Ryan at peace for one minute, tops.

Ryan looked at me, sighing heavily. “You ready?”

I purposefully widened my eyes to look more awake and lurched my neck from side-to-side so that my joints popped. Then, sending Ryan a determined look, I stated without hesitation, “Let’s go.”

The exterior outlook of me was prepared, while the interior part of me already began to scream regrets.