Exposed In Lights

It took me an hour to find the perfect dress but I finally it; a wonderful striking blue dress that bunched up at the front making it a bit longer than my knees with a beaded chest design and heart shaped neck line with no straps. A pair of beaded black Stella McCartney shoes seemed appropriate with this dress and I managed to dig out a beautiful antique copper bracelet that went perfectly with the dress.

Maria, my mum’s make up artist, made my eyes smoky but a lighter shade on the edges, my foundation was perfect on my smooth skin with a light pink blush on my cheeks. Ben, the hair stylist, curled it and pinned it against the back of my head then curled my side fringe gently at the end and clipped it with a bobby pin away from my face.

There was no red carpet, just a short walk from the car into the venue where press could get their pictures instead of crashing the party though if they tried they’d fail, security at the doors was like the secret service.

The crowded space was filled with plants, I felt like I was in some sort of secret garden, fake butterflies were clipped on and circular lights hung from the ceiling. The dance floor was all mirrored, I didn’t want to dance in case you could see up my dress and the tables were all sixteen seated with the main long table at the front like a wedding but the venue looked nothing like a wedding which was always a plus.

Footballers lurked everywhere and celebrities were in every nook and cranny. I was currently stalking Ronaldo with Ashleigh. He looked gorgeous as always. “Julia, you’re needed with your parents.” My own security, Tank as I call him, told me.

I sighed and patted Ashleigh on the head, “Find Steven Gerrard, I’ll be back.” I saluted her and she saluted me back, I chuckled and followed Tank with a smile on my face.

I waved to familiar faces as I passed them though I was always searching for a certain family. Their table was still empty, I’d made my mum rearrange the seating chart at the last minute to put Paul McCartney next to them that way if they didn’t come they could kick themselves for life.

I hovered by my dad’s side as he worked the crowd, he was going through all the important people who had flown out to be here so he felt it was only fair that I be there too though I didn’t say much. I just blushed when they complimented me and tried to change the subject when they asked where my date was.

Finally, people got settled on their tables, ate and then got ready for the bidding to begin. My parents had decided to turn this into a charity session of bidding, while we have millionaires in one place why not bleed them dry a bit.

We sold a few things, priceless jewellery, holidays, and all sorts. It was my turn to offer my services but I really saw this as a chance to check if the Jonas family had arrived. “Please welcome, Julia Beckham.”

I stood up as people clapped and I walked out in front of the glass podium. Immediately I saw the Jonas table was filled with all of them, my spirits were raised automatically. “Thanks,” I giggled into the microphone. “So, we’re trying to raise as much money as possible and I know you’ve all been giving generously but don’t put your money away yet. I’m auctioning off a private concert in a venue of your choice next Saturday where I will perform, Miley Cyrus will perform, Demi Lovato will perform, Jay-Z will perform, Beyonce will perform and so will Coldplay.”

The chatter in the room got louder, excitement bubbled in the air and I let people confer amounts before I started my roll of cash.

“Who’s going to start the bidding?” I spotted a woman with two of her fingers in the air, “two hundred thousand,” then I pointed to a man with all his fingers spread, “half a million over there! Come on this is a one off thing!” then I spotted eight fingers, “eight hundred thousand dollars!” I shouted and grinned, “Come on people you’re all rich, dig deep!”

I looked around and just when I thought it was all over I saw Richard Branson stand up on a chair, “One million dollars!” He shouted loudly.

Then, an old man with a little girl next to him stood up, the girl looked desparate, “One million two hundred thousand!” He shouted.

Richard didn’t let up. “One and a half million!” He called and everyone buzzed excitedly, he turned to the old man and his granddaughter, “She can come.” He smiled.

“Sold to Richard Branson!” I shouted into the microphone and clapped. “Wow, amazing.” I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face if I tried. “Does anyone else want to put in a lot to get sold?”

Ozzy Osbourne stood up and so did Sharon, I tried to listen to what they were shouted and after twice I caught it. “Ozzy Osbourne will cook dinner for ten at your house and bloomin’ eck’ it better include wine.” I laughed and began the bidding.

Ozzy managed to rake in an extra seventy thousand dollars. Then P.Diddy came up and offered a Saturday night out with him in New York. “And I promise you,” He added, “I promise you yo’ ass won’t wake up until Wednesday… lying beside me.”

I burst out laughing and started the bidding. A man walked up behind Rooney and pointed to him. “Mr Wayne Rooney!” I shouted with a smile, I loved to tease him.

“Me and you Wayne!” Diddy shouted, “Me and you baby! Yeah!”

“Two people for one fifty.” He called, I looked to Diddy for an answer.

He shrugged, “Sure, you can bring the whole football team if you want.”

“Sold to Mr Wayne Rooney everybody!”

I finally got a chance to take my seat and relax for a moment. I took a drink of water, still smiling as my parents thanked me for raising so much money. But as happy as I was, I was extremely distracted for the whole time. I excused my self from the table and walked into the ladies room. I made a quick phone call and hurried back out through the lobby.

But, I was halted in my path by the sight of Nick hovering around. He wasn’t facing me, “Hiya.” I called and he spun around sharply. “Enjoy the food?” I asked nervously. I sat down on the large set of stairs beside me.

Nick walked over slowly and sat beside me, keeping his distance. “Y-yeah.”

“Really?” I was shocked, “I hated it.” I smirked and turned to look at him.

He chuckled, “Me too.” My smile broke out into a grin and he smiled too.

I stood up, “Follow me.” I walked away and turned to check he was following me and he was. I led him to the large empty kitchen, on one of the steel counters was a box and the aroma of pizza was in the air.

I grabbed the box and sat on the floor then opened it up. A circular pizza sat calming, steaming away fresh and hot just waiting to be eaten. I took off my heels and tossed them to the side then grabbed a piece. “Do you want some?” I questioned.

Nick still hadn’t sat down. I watched him as he debated in his head whether he wanted to or not, it wouldn’t bother me because I’d still eat it but I desperately wanted him to want to sit with me. And he did.

We ate pizza in silence, a very awkward silence. I threw my final crust into the box, “Why don’t you eat the crust?” Nick asked brushing his hands together to remove the crumbs from his fingers.

I shrugged, tossing the box back onto the counter above us. I looked into his eyes, was it any wonder I fell for him. “I’m really sorry.”

Nick sighed and pursed his lips, “Sometimes we don’t learn from our mistakes.” I nodded and looked down to my dress. “Sometimes we don’t have any choice but to walk away.”

My head snapped upwards, realisation hit me of what he meant. “No,” I managed to choke out, “No, I need you. I can’t live without you.”

“Of course you can.” Nick smiled softly, but I didn’t want that.

“I can’t.” I breathed out letting the tears fall freely from my eyes, he winced at the sight of them. “I just want to be around you all the time. You make me so happy, Nick.” A sob shook my small body. “I could spend forever just talking to you. I could spend forever with you. I want a forever with you. Please.”

“Julia, you have to understand that I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

“Then why are you doing this?” I interrupted, wiping my black tears from my cheeks. “If this is because of last night then you hurt me too, just remember that. I don’t want to fight with you anymore, please.” I knew I was making no sense. I had so much to say but couldn’t put it all into order.

His hands gripped my face as my breathing became ragged. “You’re going to make yourself sick, peach.” Nick’s calm voice just made me more panicked, why wasn’t he upset like me?

“Please don’t do this.” I begged quietly, trying to convince him with my eyes that he gazed deeply into. “I don’t want to not ever get to kiss you again, or dance with you, or hold you. I need you.” I hiccupped.

I lifted my shaking hand to his cheek. Once my skin made contact with his he shut his eyes and a few tears slipped through his defences and rolled down his warm cheeks. My thumb stroked them away, nothing hurt worse than seeing him cry. It was like being stabbed in the gut.

“Just remember one thing for me?” I nodded, letting out a raspy breath then drawing a forced breath of air into my lungs. “I love you more than yesterday, but less than tomorrow. You’re everything to me.”

He placed one last kiss on my forehead and let me fall from his arms to the floor and he walked away.

I let out a heart breaking cry. Physical pain wracked through my body as I clung onto the cold floor, crying, broken and lost. A lump in my throat cut off my breathing and I choked out loud sobs, it sounded as if I was being sick but nothing was coming out. Another cry erupted and my face twisted into a permanent look of pain.

I’d never get to kiss him ever again, never feel the tingling of the lips left on mine. The sweet messages or texts would never come anymore, they’d eventually be sent to another girl once he’d moved on and I couldn’t bear that thought. I’d never lie with him, watching a film or in silence, just enjoying his comfort.

So many things I’d taken for granted; his touch, his laugh, his adorable smile that was only ever for me. The sweet nothings he’d whisper in my ear or the song lyrics he’d speak, just for me. No more would I hear the words ‘I love you’ come from his lips. We’d never have sleepovers, waking up to him was the single most amazing thing I had ever experienced and it was gone. I was falling with him, now I’ve hit rock bottom; the floor of a kitchen, surrounded by my own tears.

Sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down, just get back up when it knocks you down.

Won’t see it coming when it happens but when it happens you’re going to feel it, let me tell you now.

To say I was lifeless would be a lie, I was content with being alone. I wasn’t lonely without him because he’d always be with me. Someone once said that love is when your own happiness depends on the happiness of someone else and if Nick was happy I was. He deserved someone so much better than me and I wasn’t going to let my selfishness get in the way of that.

I didn’t know he was happy, but he seemed happy enough. He and his brothers were currently promoting the new TV show, they were everywhere and it hurt so much to only see his picture. His voice was everywhere, I couldn’t even watch Disney Channel anymore without the fear of an advert of coming on of him and his brothers.

So, three days later. I left the house for the first time, tired of eating ice-cream and crisps I decided it was time to have a McDonalds so Emma had offered her service to me. The boys were apparently doing a television interview so I felt free to walk the streets.

With no make up and bags under my eyes that I tried my best to hide with large sunglasses, I walked into McDonalds whilst being stared at by many people. “What do you want?” I asked Emma quietly.

I dug through my bag and pulled out my purse. “Big Mac meal, I’ll get us a table.”

I stood in the queue and pulled out a note to pay with. I tried to distract my self from the stares at me and the whispering around me. It must have been an odd sight to see me as a wreckage; my clothes were shabby than my usual styled. A pair of worn out black jeans and a grey zip up hooded jacket.

“Two medium Big Mac meals with coke please.” I mumbled and handed over the money. The worker didn’t mess around when getting me my order, I carried the tray over to the table Emma had chosen then sat opposite her.

“You look like death.” Emma threw some chips into her mouth. I threw my sunglasses onto the table and rubbed my hands into my eyes.

I picked up my burger and took a large bite. “Thanks, you know how to make me feel a lot better.” I sighed and threw some chips into my mouth.

“Serious Julia, give up this whole ‘I’m happy if he is’ shit. You’re not happy, not one single bit. I’m tired of watching you fall to pieces and pretend you’re fine.” Her voice lingered comfort in the air. Her words of truth tried to break down my act, but I’d became an excellent actress.

“I’m fine, you’re such a misery guts.” I finished off my burger with a long drink of coke.

The fact I wasn’t giving in was impossible for Emma to grasp. She was always a determined one and hated losing, but this was my battle and she couldn’t worm her way in. I’d came this far, a whole 72 hours, I can live for the rest. I just have to take it a minute at a time.

Distractions were key, I looked for them everywhere. If I was driving home I’d look for somewhere else to go, home bared too many memories of him. I wasn’t even safe there. But, I’d ran out of excuses now. Home was the only place I could go, so I made my way there leaving Emma to shop alone.

Once home, I checked the freezer for stock. A large round tub of vanilla ice cream smiled at me from its drawer. I pulled it out, grabbed a cooking spoon and shuffled into the living room. I curled up under a blanket and turned on the TV, I’d been watching Rush Hour 3 ever since we broke up, this would be the thirteenth time of watching it and I wasn’t bored.

So I sat, shovelling ice cream into my mouth smiling at funny parts of the film. I checked the time and saw I’d missed the start of Ellen. But when I changed the channel they were there, on the sofa talking with her. I wanted to change the channel but he was there, I couldn’t resist it.

A picture of me came up on the large screens behind them and on the small TV between them and Ellen. The picture was us sat together at the Grammy’s. It seemed like a century ago.

“Tell me a little bit about her.” Ellen smiled at Nick.

Joe got in there first. “Julia Beckham is one of the most amazing people I have ever met and I’m bringing out serious Joe now.” The audience chuckled at a joke I’d obviously missed. “She puts everyone before her self and is just an incredible person—”

“She has a heart of gold.” Kevin interrupted with a small smile. “And she’s one of those people who you can’t help but feel at ease around.”

“She’s so unaffected by the life style she’s grew up with. It never fails to amaze me at how selfless she is.” Joe nodded and Ellen smiled at them.

“Tell us some things we don’t know about her, like weird or funny things.” Ellen asked.

“Nick will be good at this.” Joe nudged him with his elbow and Nick blushed slightly, always the shy and serious one.

“Ummm,” his thinking face came on. I nervously awaited his answer with another mouthful of ice cream. “Before she goes to bed on a night she always lifts up the covers to check for spiders, once she didn’t and there was on there and ever since she’s been paranoid about it. She’s really good at school work and loves maths, especially trigonometry. S-she also loves the Discovery Channel and hates the pet name ‘babe’ or ‘baby’.”

“Julia also has like OCD for untidiness; she can’t sleep if she knows her room is messy or if she knows she has something to do.” Kevin added, I smiled remembering the time on tour where I cleaned their room before they slept.

“If she hates the pet names ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ what did you call her?” Ellen smirked holding her chin between her thumb and forefinger.

“I don’t know if that’s digging a bit deep into the personal life there.” Nick laughed nervously. “Kevin…” Nick trailed off trying to change the subject.

Kevin laughed, “He’s probably embarrassed. Those two are odd together but Nick called her ‘his peach’.”

The audience let out a resounding ‘aw’ and in true Nicholas fashion a small blush crept to his cheeks. “Why peach?”

“Because… I don’t know… she’s just cute and peachy. A little peach.” My heart fluttered as he said that. I wanted so badly to have him say it to my face.

“Is that your favourite thing about her?” Ellen was obviously trying to drain as much as she could from them.

Nick paused for a moment, “See, I can’t really pick a favourite because I can’t see anything wrong with her so it’s hard to like…” He trailed off as the audience gushed and clapped.

I turned off the TV, a new wave of hope succumbing my body. I didn’t want to watch the rest because that was enough to send me to cloud nine with my tub of ice cream.