Exposed In Lights

Majic cantered up to the high jump for the sixth time and again ground to a halt front of it, almost throwing me off the back of her. I didn’t blame poor Majic, she could sense through the reins that I was nervous and unfocused; she was acting on instinct to protect myself and her.

I couldn’t focus. I’d been looking forward to seeing You Me At Six at the House of Blues for three months and today guess which three boys posted a blog telling people they’d be there? Jonas Brothers.

I felt like they were stalking me, they seemed to be everywhere. It was annoying the hell out of me, it hurt so much just to think about him but to see him in person hurt more. He was at a charity event, dinner, concert, I even saw him in Starbucks! I’d debated whether to go home to England and spend some time there but it would only make it scarier to come back to all of this.

I sighed, letting my body fall forward onto her neck. My arms hung beside her long neck as she slowly walked onward, cooling her self down from her sweaty state. I let her walk back to the stables, it was almost laughable that a horse could just wander where ever it wanted with the rider almost asleep on its back.

Majic stopped in the shade of the stables and began munching on hay. I snapped up and tugged her reins, pulling her away from the food. “No, not with your bit in.” I scolded her and jumped off her back, I took off her bridal and let her eat.

She stood patiently and still, free to run if she wanted too. I unbuckled her girth and ran up the stirrups. With a large heave I pulled off her saddle, I’d forgotten that I’d used the leather one and that it weighed three times as much. I almost dropped it until a secure hand caught it.

I lifted my head up and caught my breath. “W-what are you doing here?” I breathed to Nick, his stance making me crumble.

“I don’t know.” He said honestly, taking the saddle from me and then placing it on the stable door. “I guess I just wanted to see you.”

I blushed and a tingling feeling shook my body. I tried to act normal as I prepared Majic’s tea which consisted of mollichop, carrots, apple and garlic all in a small bucket. I carried it over to Majic, hyper aware that Nick was contently watching me from his seat on top of a large circular bail of hay.

I was continually looking for distractions. I suddenly remembered her water bucket was empty, I rushed into the stable, grabbed it from it’s tyre on the floor and carried it to the water tap. I waited for it to fill up the grabbed onto the handle, only to have it taken from me.

I glared at the back of Nick’s head as he carried the bucket back into the stable. I sighed then grabbed Majic’s head collar, I put it over her muzzle then pulled the buckle behind her ears then fastened it. I didn’t check to see if Nick was following me as I led her out to the field. But after I let her off I wasn’t shocked to see him there.

I dropped the head collar and lead rope on the floor and leaned against the wooden fence. I’d always found that watching horses was peaceful, some may say all the do is eat grass but they do so much more than that. Their whole structure amazes me.

“So… are you going to the concert tonight?” I asked, still watching the horses.

“Yeah, you know I am.” Nick chuckled, I ducked my head and pulled up my black jodhpurs.

I smiled gently, “Just trying to strike up a conversation so your journey over here wasn’t a complete waste of time.”

I looked up at him, squinting in the sun light that shone behind his head. “It wasn’t a waste of time. I’ve achieved my goal.”

I smirked, “And what was that?”

“To make sure you’re still ticking. I worry about you.” He confessed with a serious light in his eyes.

My heart fluttered and the urge to wrap my arms around him was unbearable. I grinned like a Cheshire cat and he smiled back. “Well, thanks for the concern.”

“You’re welcome.” He teased, I swung my body into his side weakly nudging him for making fun of me. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yep.” I nodded and watched him walk back to his car with an intensified aching in my heart.

Time Lapse

Never before I had I ever been so nervous at a concert, ever. Especially not ones I’m watching. I just kept waiting for them to come, everyone else was here. Demi was and so was her friend Tiffany. Frankie was already here too and currently sat on my lap as we played thumb wars to pass the time.

“I own you!” Frankie shouted as I let him pin my thumb. It was a pretty unfair fight, he only had little hands which could do nothing against my lanky thumb. “Do it!” He demanded.

I rolled my eyes and lifted him off me then placed him on the chair so he was at my height. “I am weaker than Master Franklin. I bow down his mighty thumb war skills.” I then bowed three times before he burst out laughing. “I hate you.” I mumbled jokingly as I stomped off in a pretend mood swing.

I wandered into the bathroom to check my outfit over. I pulled my ribbed brown tank top down under my nude coloured skirt and then reattached my fringed belt around my waist. I decided it was too warm for my thigh length green cardigan so I pulled that off and hung it over my arm.

Just as I was about to leave Demi poked her head through the door, “They’re here, just a heads up.”

I smiled at her thankfully. “Okay, I’m coming now anyway.”

Instead of following her to them I tried to buy my self some time by heading downstairs with Tank to buy a merchandise shirt. I jumped the queue and bought one from behind the desk, it was green with ‘youmeatsix’ written across it. People whipped out the cameras at the sight of me and began taking photographs of me putting on the shirt over my clothes.

That was my second distraction. I spent another ten minutes signing and taking pictures with fans before Tank dragged me away. “You can’t put it off forever.” He told me as he pushed my body back up the stairs to the balcony. “Plus, the show is starting in ten minutes.”

I pushed the door open and scanned the balcony for them. They were sat at the table I was previously seated at and Kevin was sat in my seat. I scowled at Demi, she laughed at me. I handed my cardigan to Tank who took it away to the coat closet for safe keeping. I leaned on the railings of the balcony and looked down at the pit of people who directed their flashing cameras at the balcony.

I waved to them with a smile then turned around to examine the room some more. “Ah!” I let out a shocked noise as Nick chuckled at me. I put my hand over my beating heart, “Are you trying to kill me?”

“Of course not.” He chuckled and smiled at me making shudder, “Cold?” He asked and I shook my head. But despite my honest answer he shrugged out of his black leather jacket and held it for me. With a smile, I pushed my arms through the sleeves and he pulled it onto me. “Better?”

“I’m not really cold, but… if it makes you happy.” I teased and tapped his cheeks. I realised how I was acting and flushed red, sometimes it was too easy to act like his girlfriend. I spun around to look at the stage and the lights dimmed, perfect timing. The majority of the audience turned their attention to the stage but there was still the odd lurker taking videos and pictures of the ‘celebrities’ that had lined the balcony to watch.

They opened with ‘The truth is a terrible thing’ and I screamed as the five men ran out onto the stage. I jumped up and down with Demi who had come next to me. “Nervous, you’re tearing at the seams!” I sung loudly along with Josh.

I ignored Nick as he stood next to me and sung along. I didn’t know what the hell he wanted from me. He’d broken up with me and now he was pushing himself back into my life. Nick needed to make his mind up and stop messing me around, it’s not fair on me.

I felt his hand move across my back and to my waist. In great haste I pulled his arm from around me and glared at him, he gave me a questioning look. “No.” I mouthed and turned back to gawking at the guitar player Max.

An hour and a half later, they were finished and the boys took off. I hung around to meet the band who came up, signed my shirt and took a picture with me. Then I had to dash after realising it was after my curfew of twelve. I dropped my mum a text, telling her I’d be late.

I changed into my pyjamas when home and signed onto my MSN. No one was online, I hated time differences. Though one person was online, Nick. I quickly signed off in an attempt to avoid him.

I then switched off my phones and then the light.

My sleep was restless, I had a constant headache and lump in my throat. I didn’t know why, but something felt wrong. I’d had this feeling before. Brooklyn was four and I was in school, I felt a sudden wave of terror and something was wrong, it was pulsing through my veins so powerfully that I ran out the classroom and through the school until I got to Brooklyn’s class.

He had tripped over and broken his leg, the teachers hadn’t noticed because he had been the cupboard getting out the play box. I was terrified, I thought he was going to die. I never left his side the whole time.

That feeling was there now. I shot out of bed and ran quietly to his room, he was asleep, snoring away peacefully. I checked Cruz’s room and Romeo’s room, they were sleeping too and then checked on my parents, who were cuddled up together asleep. There were no messages on their mobiles so nothing must be wrong with my family.

But, something was wrong, I could feel it. It was intuition; the ability to sense or know immediately without reasoning

I walked downstairs and checked every room. All was okay, nothing had moved and no one was in the house. I was extremely worried now. The lump in my throat was making it hard to breath and my headache was hurting. My temples felt like they were being pushed together.

A quiet knock on the door made me gasp. I rushed over to it. Suddenly, my headache was a migraine and the closer to the door I got the more it hurt. I looked through the spy hole and gasped.

Swinging open the door I let out a shaky breath. “Oh my god, what’s happened?” I choked out.

Nick stood with tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes red and puffy with dark circles around his eyes. His hair was disheveled from what looked like his hands. He wore a creased black tank top with some grey sweats and black trainers. He looked broken.

My heart ached at the sight of him. “He’s gone. Grandpa’s gone.” His voice cracked, he could barely speak.

Tears flew down my cheeks rapidly. I pulled him inside and into my arms, we both crumbled to the floor. I cradled him into me and cried with him, I could feel all of his pain in me. His sobs continued endlessly, my shirt was soaked with a mixture of my own tears and his. I kept a hand on the side of his face and held him against my body with a firm hand around his waist.

“Nick,” I managed to speak after a few deep breaths. “Nicholas, we need to get you off his cold floor. Can you come up to my room with me?”

He nodded and I lifted him off me then we stood up together. I kept a tight grip on his hand and waist as we ascended the stairs. It was like lugging a bag of potatoes. Finally I got him laid down in my bed, shoes off and under the covers in the warmth. He continued to cry with his eyes closed with the duvet pulled over all of his body leaving his eyes and nose the only thing vulnerable.

I grabbed my phone and kissed his forehead, “I’ll be five minutes.” Nick nodded ever so slightly.

I turned my phone on as I walked across the house to my parent’s room. I gently shook my Dad awake, I could never wake my mum; she looked too peaceful. “Nick’s Grandpa just died, he’s in my room. I’m just letting you know so you don’t freak in the morning.”

Dad nodded, “Okay sweetie.” He kissed my forehead and watched me walk out the room.

I sent a quick text to Denise. I didn’t know if she knew where he was and I had no doubt she would be worried enough without Nick not being there.

He’s with me, don’t worry. He’s safe. I’ll bring him home in the morning. I have a kit for his blood. Julia xxx

When I opened the door to my room, all was dark and the only sound was Nick’s sniffling. I switched off the light in the hallway then closed my bedroom door. Quietly, I climbed into bed next to Nick and maneuvered him so his head was on my chest. He slowly wrapped his arms around my waist and began crying again.

I mapped his face out in numerous lines and gently twisted his curls around my fingers. I pressed my lips against his forehead. “You’re still the soldier in my eyes.” I whispered to him.

He didn’t move at all. I watched him carefully as exhaustion over took him. It took him five minutes to give into his eyes that drooped constantly. Finally, his tears stained cheeks relaxed as he drifted to sleep; the only peace he could get until he was done grieving.

While he was asleep on me, I carefully opened the drawer beside my bed and pulled out a spare kit that I had been given. I pricked his finger and then placed some of his blood on a test strip. He didn’t even flinch. ‘118’ appeared on the screen and I smiled, one less thing to worry about.

I only slept for a short while during the night, knowing Nick was so close to me kept me awake. I didn’t want to miss a moment of it, even if he wasn’t awake. Knowing he was hurting was a problem for me, I wanted him to be as relaxed as anyone in his position could be.

In the morning, I managed to slip out from under him and still keep him sleeping. I shuffled down to the kitchen where my Dad stood in a suit drinking some coffee and reading the newspaper.

“Is he still asleep?” Dad asked. I nodded and placed two slices of toast into the toaster.

I heart a rumbling sound coming from my Dad. “For god’s sake dad, must you fart so early in the morning!” I laughed.

“What? My guts are bad.” He laughed a care free laugh.

“David, I wish you’d have a shit already. You're disgusting.” My mum scolded spraying some air freshener. I smiled and cracked some eggs into a pan of cooking oil. They sizzled away happily while I buttered the toast. “David, time to go.”

I got kisses on the cheek from both parents then they disappeared swiftly. I cooked Nick’s eggs sunny side up, just how he liked them. I cut the two slices of toast in half then placed them around the edge of the plate, I put the eggs in the middle and then poured some orange juice into a glass. Carefully, I arranged everything onto a tray.

I carried it up my bedroom where Nick was still sleeping. I placed the food on the bedside table and then opened the curtains letting the sunlight pour through the windows. He tossed and turned in the bed as his eyes got used to the light.

I crawled next to him on the bed and sat cross legged beside his awakening body. I slowly rubbed his arm in hope to gently him awake. I watched his face as he slowly awoke, once his eyes were open I sent him a small smile.

“Morning, I made you some breakfast.” I whispered.

He sat up robotically. Using his fists he rubbed his eyes, “Thanks.” He grumbled, his voice not adjusting to the morning easily.

I stood up from the bed and placed the tray in front of him and then placed the black bag of omnipods, insulin, test strips and the small management system. I reluctantly left his side to wash my face and get changed. I wore a simple outfit, a cream dress with some leather sandals.

I put on some foundation and tied my hair back in a messy bun. When I re-entered the bedroom and Nick had eaten half an egg and was on his second slice of toast. I joined him on the bed. He placed the tray back onto the bed side table and chugged down on orange juice.

“Your mum knows you’re here.” I assured him. He nodded and played with the bottom of his tank top. “I’ll leave you to get washed and stuff.”

I shuffled to the end of the bed but was halted as a hand gripped mine. “Please stay.”

I nodded and moved back to him. He wrapped me up in his arms and we lay together trying to fix each other.