Sex, Booze & Tattoos

Elvira

"I wanna see I must see now!" I run in front of Reagan as she keeps to a tiresome glide, and click the play button on the answer machine.

Hello Miss Landers, it’s Manson here. I'm just calling to say that I enjoyed the demo you compiled very much and I would like to see your band perform. If you could call me back when you get this then we could perhaps arrange for a meeting. Until then...

There's a pause and a click. The annoying voice tells us there's another message but I press stop anyway.
"Oh my god!" we both screech in ecstasies then pull each other into a huge hug. I’m so overjoyed I don't care what the next message really is and just scream happily.
"We have to call Veronika! She's gonna piss herself she'll be so happy!" Reagan says wiping the corners of her eyes, taking a little eyeliner onto her fingers also.
"And then we have to call Manson back. Shit this is amazing!" I yell before jumping up and down again and just screaming for the hell of it.
"Wait, wait, wait man! What's the next massage?!" Reagan calms herself then pushes her dark hair behind her earrings and delicately presses the play button again.

I know you're not in yet but when you are get to my office immediately!

It's the boss so we just grin at one another and skip out of the door and lock it behind ourselves.
"Follow the yellow brick road!
Follow the yellow brick road!
Follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow the yellow brick road!
We're off to see the wizard!
The wonderful wizard of Oz!”
We both sing with linked arms in a very cheerful way indeed.
"Yellooooo Mr. Boss-man!" I say and leap onto his desk that has a computer sitting on one side and nothing on the other. I sprawl my entire upper body across the desk and grin upwards at his raised eyebrows and intrigued expression.
"What have you been giving her Reagan? Again?" he asks with a sigh.
"Oh nothing. She's just happy that our shit-assed band has almost got a record deal with Marilyn Manson is all" Reagan answers, staring up at the ceiling with a mildly amused face before jumping on top of me, giggling manically.
"What Marilyn-The God of Fuck-Manson?" he says leaning forwards in dismay.
"The one and only!" we both chorus gleefully.
"Since when? And since when did you even have a band? And why have you only just told me this now!?" he rushes in disbelief.
"Chicken pox!" I pretend I’m making sense and stare at his face with widened eyes.
"We've had a band for ages and been playing occasionally in the underground wasteland. He called us up last night anddd we only just found out," Reagan informs him, making more sense than myself.
"Oh ok then," he says half-heartedly, "In two weeks I want you to go on tour with Slipknot to write the biggest and best article, in article history. This feature is gonna be huge...so don't fuck it up." He tells us.
I give him a stern look as does Reagan.
"Have we ever fucked up?" I ask.
"N-" he gets cut off.
"Do we look like we'll ever fuck anything up?" Reagan asks
"N-"
"Well then!" we both growl before getting up then waltz out of the door....literally.
"Dun...dun dun...DUN DUN...dunununun...nunun..." we change to tangoing and mumble along the tune 'til I can close the door behind us.
"Woohoo Slipknot!" Reagan screams.
"We get to rape Joey!" I say linking her arm and start back down the corridor.
"I heard he has a girlfriend though," Reagan pouts.
"Psh girlfriend shmerlfriend...we can climb obstacles, we've done it before," I wink at her.
"Of course! Girlfriends can be fun obstacles to climb if they're hot!"
"You hussy!" I laugh in a posh voice.
We both cackle insanely.
"FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!" I scream pointing at her.
"FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK-MOTHERFUCKING-ROAD!" she screams right back at me, pointing also. We then dash back down the corridor in a childish race.
We both spring from the elevator and ballroom dance our way to the shops where we buy a load of useless stuff including Jelly Tots, Terry's Chocolate Oranges, Aeros, a porn magazine and chocolate milkshakes.
"Eddy, why have you bought a porn magazine?" Reagan asks.
"Cuz I haven't got a porn movie and I find them hilarious," I answer.
"Oh yes...they are funny. Lets go get some movies then!" she suggests as we stumble into the crowded street.
"What Reagan you want porn!?" I scream once we're in the swarm of busy people.
"Yes I do want some porn!" she shrieks even louder.
"Ok then let's go get some..."
"PORN!" we both yell, gathering a lot of weird looks.
Stumbling like crazy and laughing like mental patients we both get to the nearest backstreet adult shop.
"Hello!" I say in a strange manner as Reagan goes to poke the display cabinet of vibrators. A man appears behind the counter and vaguely smiles, he's so hot I nearly fall over; black lipstick with a lip ring, a lot of eyeliner, possibly white foundation and gorgeous black hair just above his shoulders.
"Can I help you?" he asks with an almost friendly tone.
"Yeah uhm....have you got any Dita Von Teese movies?" I ask shyly.
"I'll check for you, come this way," he glances over with a smirk, at Reagan who's cracking a whip with an unnerving grin on her face...until she sees a bunch of dress up costumes and advances with the look on her face getting scarier by the second.
The guy takes me over behind the counter to a huge storeroom in the back of the shop, stocked to the ceiling with DVDs and Video tapes.
"Holy shit that's a lot of ass," I say looking at them all.
"Oh sorry," he mumbles and pulls his pants up.
"I meant the movies," I simper.
"Hmm Dita Von Teese right?" he asks glancing at me through his hair.
"Yeah," I say just noticing how cute he looks.
"Got two, Intimate Moments and Mad Menace," he pulls two DVDs from a shelf and waves them about childishly.
"Cool, I'll take both," I smile taking them and looking at the backs.
"Anything else while we're here? Just the doors an ass to open once it locked up."
"Erm I dunno got any torture that's not lame ass pathetic bondage?"
"Uhm I dunno that's pretty rare, think we got a few" he looks around then pulls about five dusty video tapes off the top shelf before dusting off the thick layers of filth.
"This one is actually antique snuff...I think its pretty wrong even if it is worth a lot." He looks at a very dusty cardboard covered tape that’s at the back of the other four.
"And the rest? Is it pretty gross?" I ask studying the cases that he hands to me.
"Well I'm not sure cuz I haven't watched it but I think they were in order of the worst so you got this which is just slightly worse than average S and M, then this which is snuff" he lays all five out on a stack of other tapes.
"Alright then I'll take hmmmmm these two. Should keep her laughing for a few hours," I take the third worst and next one down that's not so bad.
"Ok then. Just hang onto them for now then," he says then searches for the light switch. The light is flicked off and I make my way to the door. I walk back out into the shop and see Reagan dressed up in a black and red PVC cop uniform consisting of red corset, black mini skirt and jacket, and these cool matching suspenders clinging onto black fishnets, complete with Joey-like military hat, she's also clutching a riding crop that's she's about to hit me with.
"Reagy if you come near me you don't get to watch any of this!" I growl at her.
"Ok I'll be good," she says then sprints momentarily before dragging her bag back into the main part of the shop, from behind the changing room curtain. Obviously she's going to pay for the outfit and go back to work in it.
"That's ermmmm 70.50" the guy says tapping at the cash register keys.
"Aye, these movies aren't cheap are they," I say getting out my wallet.
"Not really but its good quality," he tells me leaning on the glass display case the cash machine is on.
"Eddy what did you get?!" Reagan shrieks as she pulls her wallet out of her bag that's hanging onto her shoulder.
"You'll see later," I tell her as I hand the money over.
"Well if it's got you in then it's gotta be good," she says looking over the guy. He seems lost for words and just laughs instead.
"Don't mind her she's just insane."
"No way, I feel the need to say he's hot. You think so too anyways," she nudges me while looking through her money. I just roll my eyes instead of saying anything too stupid.
"Sorry about her," I mumble putting the movies in my bag.
"Hey I'm not on anything alright! I got a damn cop uniform bitch!" she says and hands some notes over "Well she might be stiff but I'm not. She's an under-performer, I'm probably an over-performer so if you want it you know it's right here," she says making a complete ass of herself.
I just cackle manically and stride out of the shop. After a few minutes I’m getting bad images her lay on a silver dish amongst a lot of lettuce and salad stuff, in offering to the fit guy.
"Reagan now!" I bellow opening the door.
"Yessir!" she salutes then goose-step marches towards me.

A while later we are both sat around my office busy eating KFC, Reagan drinking coke and me chocolate milkshake, all the while, having a very detailed conversation about fit rock stars; who we'd fuck, who we'd fuck again and who we wouldn't ever touch. The top of the 'again' list if of course Pig...cuz it's obvious.
I remember I should call Alice if we're going on this Slipknot job instead on the monthly visit I’m allowed.
I dial the number into my office phone then sit back as it is set to loudspeaker...
"Urh...hello?" the tired and coffee fuelled rasp of Alice comes vaguely down the receiver.
"My dear Malicia. Sounds like I woke you. I do apologise but it is I...Queen of The Lil' People here," I say sitting back in my very comfortable padded black swivel chair, then drop the remains of three Jelly Tots and a spoonful of sugar from the packet, down my throat.
"Oh hi sexy, what's up?" she says seeming a lot more awake, less hostile and frustrated. Evidently drinking coffee as the conversation is in progress.
"Yeah uhm. I'm just calling to uhm...I can't come up this month. I'm so sorry but we have work to do and we'll be gone a whole week. So do you think you could like...bend the rules and change the date just this once?" I ask biting my lower lip, clamping the two rings in a fixed position between my teeth.
"Shit man, she's gonna be upset you know. Your job keeps doing this to her. You know I can't bend the rules, it's a fixed day. They still got cops because of your record," Alice replies.
"I know. I suck. Is she there?" I ask apprehensively, still biting my lip.
"I'll go get her," Alice says after a rather long pause, followed by a time-consuming sigh to match, then the receiver clicks onto a surface.
A couple minutes later there is a shuffle and a few more random noises before the phone is picked up again.
"Hey man what's up?" comes Noir's voice. Soft and child-like; just as it should be, but not a squeal.
"Hey...uhm I take it Aunty Alice didn't...urmmm tell you..." I say leisurely.
"Oh man what this time....you're not coming again are you?" Noir mumbles sadly.
"Noir, baby, I'm sorry....it’s work but I promise I'll bring you stuff back. And I don't care about the cops...I’m gonna come see you when I get back," I tell her in hopes she won't be too upset.
"Mum no, don't fuck up your record more. I do want to eventually get to live with you ya know...who's the job with this time?" she whispers almost silently.
"Slipknot. And don't swear" I say. "I know you don't really like them but you know if I could I'd get you backstage at the show in London."
"I know. And I love you for it" Noir says "Tell me how it goes when you get back...and let me know if you can get another date set."
"I will. I have to go now but I love you so much darling, you know that right?"
"Yeah and I love you too. I just wish you could be around. I'm sick of just hanging with Malice...I want my mum back," Noir says, my eyes begin to fill with tears.
"I wish I could be there too. Don't even get me started on it or we'll be here for hours and I'll end up smashing everything," I try to hold back the tears.
"I know I know, Mum. Bye for now....love you. Phone-distance hug!"
"Phone-distance hug! Bye-bye Sex Pistol," I say and wait for her to hang up.
"Eddy...it's ok man. It'll be alright and those fucking pigs will pay for this," Reagan hugs you.
"It's not the cops fault...for once I can say that. It's the fucking government and their bullshit!" I end up screaming and Reagan has to hug me before I can reach for the phone and throw it against the wall. I finish up crying on her shoulder because I can't stand that my daughter that I love so much has been taken away from me.