Sex, Booze & Tattoos

Reagan

I nod as Elvira exits the door, leaving it to snap shut with a loud bang. I turn back to the computer screen on my desk, with a swivel of my padded seat and tap away at the keyboard, downloading more horror movies. Minute after minute passes by until Elvira bursts back into the room through the door and falls face first onto the rough carpet.
“Er . . . zombie-chick-who-was-once-Elvira . . . ’what the hell’ springs to mind . . .” I say, not knowing anything more legible to speak of in its place.
“We have to meet them backstage when boss gets a call from the management or one of the band. We’re allowed to go a-wandering just as long as boss knows it and . . . he’ll call when he gets the call if we’re not back in time.” She states, pulling her frame from the dirt ridden floor and dusting off.
“Woo! Let’s go buy more porn, Sexx!” I splutter. After a sigh Elvira nods in agreement then wanders off to her own personal office to lock up and get her short PVC coat. She shortly returns and meets me in the corridor as I twirl my keys around my finger. We waltz down the hallway to the elevator with linked arms all the while. We fight to press the button childishly then when it stops we squeeze in with about ten other people.
“It smells bad in here!” Elvie states while looking at the ceiling.
“Like what?” I enquire with an interest.
“Like your mum!” she replies, screwing her face up.
“’Uckin’ ” you reply in a stupid voice [chavs say ‘fucking’ wrong cuz they can’t talk to save their lives].
“What, what! Bang y’out dick’ead!” she replies in an equally stupid voice, forcing my laughter to burst out in a spray of damp slime from my nose. I swat the orifice with my sleeve to wipe anything else away before anyone can notice, but it seems the cause of my shame is already in a fit of laughter beside me, while a few other people are looking at me in disgust.
“Fuck off!” I say elbowing her.
“Dickface!” she retorts, elbowing me back.
“You suck go die!” I say before the door opens at the ground floor.
“You’re not very nice!” she says chasing me towards the expensive glass doors, situated at the exit of the building.
“I don’t think I like you!” I shout back at her.
“You’re not very nice!” she says again.
“Cuz you made me cry!” I sing in tune, in her face when she catches back up.
“You’re not very nice and I don’t wanna see you so why don’t you just fuck off and die!” we shout at each other then begin to cackle like paralytic banshees.

As said, we take the twenty minute walk and end up back at the porno shop. As soon as we each step through the door, we see the fit guy lay on the counter staring at the ceiling. He turns his head and smiles that weak smile once more.
“Hello again,” he says, swiftly moving to sit up before jumping down back to the cement floor.
“Hey,” I say seductively.
“Eya,” Elvira says, appearing less than amazingly interested in him. She goes off in search of something or other.
“Back for more stuff I see. You’re becoming favourite customers of my boss,” he says as I approach him.
“Good to know,” I smile, “I was wondering, I haven’t seen the movies in the back yet, would you be interested in showing me?” I ask, with something other than looking at porn movie cases, on my mind.
“No problem, right this way,” he smirks slightly while briefly looking me up and down.
I smile to myelf and proceed after him, watching as he trudges spinning the chain with keys on, around his finger, while whistling something that sounds like Faster Pussycat.

Elvira

As Reagan wanders off, I sigh and look around for any no smoking signs, I see one above the counter but half of it’s been ripped off and the rest has burn holes in, there’s also a can of deodorant on the counter next to the wall, pretty obvious signs that the shop assistant doesn’t care. I decide on lighting up after all this and feel able to breathe properly after the first two drags, ironically. I hear the radio in the background and, after being uber nosey find it behind the counter as I lean over, I turn it up and I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor dives from wherever the speakers are. I dance around stupidly to it for the duration, covering the bangs of my friend’s body against the wall as she endures routine excitement. It’s a tough life, all that sex, drugs, rock ’n’ roll, it’s damaging after a while, but neither of us would trade it in for anything.
A short while later I’m on a third cigarette. The inevitable has come, which of course is to drink from a small vodka bottle, containing a mix of vodka and tango that I have in my coat pocket. I check everywhere for security cameras before lazily putting a few pointless miniature things into the pockets of my pants, merely a couple of flashy lighters, with obscene images on them, just for shits and giggles. I see some nice looking magazines on the counter, no price tags anywhere, flicking through a few I can’t help but keep a hold of a vintage one. It’s too nice to just leave and the waistband on my pants is crying out for it.
“Why the hell not,” I mumble to myself, rolling my eyes and put it down the waistband at the back as thought. I turn the radio back down as I hear the other noises stop. I put out the cigarette and go across the room to look at the glass cases with bizarre ornaments in. Reagan appears looking flustered as she combs through her hair with her beautifully manicured nails.
“I bet that you look shit on the dancefloor,” I sing at her.
“Come on let’s get back, I want some vodka for this fucking trip.” Reagan says striding out of the door, myself tagging along.

Reagan

“How was he then?” Elvira asks plainly.
“Meh not anything I haven’t done before,” I reply.
“Reckon Joey’s better?” she asks with a chuckle.
“Hell if he aint he’ll cry about it, tell ya!” I say digging out a cigarette from my pocket, along with a lighter.
“Ah ah ah! Got you a pressie. Close you eyes,” Elvie instructs pulling the cheap 50p lighter from my grip.
“What now?” I complain as I close my darkened eyes.
“Ungrateful little fucker. One for you, one for me,” she says putting something small, hard and smooth into my palm. I open my eyes and look down.
“Eddy...five-finger discount? You got a warning for this before” I grumble “It’s very nice though,” I scan the metal surface of the lighter then turn it over and the image of Dita Von Teese enters into my retinas.
“Yeah I know but they’re sexy and I had like ages to check for security cameras, but I was more careful about no smoking signs to be honest,” she tells me.
“Well I hope that’s the first time in a while,” we begin walking again and reach the main road.
“Tis, don’t fret my dear. I got something else too,” she beams.
“Oh god if it’s a plasma widescreen TV I’m gonna be upset with you,” I sigh deeply.
“Not quite. I’ll save it for later viewing though don’t you worry, don’t you fucking worry.”
We get to a nearby shop for alcopops and the like. I grab a load of WKD for the night then grab a copy of Sugar [its this kids girl magazine for those who don’t know], get a load of Poptarts and head for the counter,
“Twenty Marlboro Red please,” I ask as I put everything down.
“Have you got ID?” the shop assistant asks.
“Eh? What for?” I ask slightly confused.
“I’m not sure you’re over eighteen. No offence, I need identification,” she says.
“Just cuz I’m not tall goddamnit! I’m twenty for fucks sake!” I start freaking out then slam my driving license on the counter.
“Sorry,” she says, and then turns around for the cigarettes. She puts them on the counter, taps the cash register while sighing, “That’s fifteen twenty-five,” she says.
Wordlessly I put the correct money down then take the bags and storm towards Elvira who’s looking at porn magazines.
“Dude what crawled up your ass?” she asks putting FHM in her basket that’s got two large bottles of Smirnoff Ice, two Jack Daniels, four Pepsi with Lime twist’s, and three chocolate milkshakes in already plus chocolate Poptarts and then I see the usual bottle of German wine in the bottom.
“That fucking cuntface asking for ID as if I’m three that’s what!” I growl, really fucking pissed off.
“Oh no! She always asks me for ID even though I come in here all the time. Everyone else working here remembers me except her....juuuust perfectly remembers every other asshole that comes in but me....lying whore I’ll smash her face in. If she does it again tell me!” Elvie says very monotone before striding up to the counter. I follow her then lean on the ice cream freezer.
“Get me out a Cornetto would ya,” she asks. I slide the lid and get a mint one like she always wants before throwing it to her.
“Can I have twenty Silk Cut aswel please,” she says, I only see the back of her head but I can tell she’s giving a death glare from the expression of the girl that was giving me shit before.
“That’ll be uh...um....thirty pound please,” she asks still scared stiff.
“No problem,” Elvie says cheerily, digging through her wallet for the cash. She hands it over then spins round to wink at me as she puts everything in bags.
“Th-thanks,” the girls says as we both skip off out of the shop.
“I don’t think she’ll mess with us again,” Elvira comments feeling very sure of herself.
“Nice one,” I giggle.
Taking another fifteen minutes to get back to the office, just as we step from the elevator on our floor, my phone rings.
“Y’ello,” I answer.
“Get your asses to my office now,” the boss says, sounding no more happy than usual, before hanging up. I turn to my left and open the door.
“Hi,” I say poking my head around.
“You called?” Elvie says, her head appearing below mine.
“What the- Get in here now!” he says rolling his head that way they always do.
“News?” I ask sitting on the floor, crossing my legs with the bags set around me.
“They want you over at the Astoria ASAP...within the next fifteen minutes would be good. Here’s the number I got given. You’re being met outside the back entrance,” the boss informs us.
“’Ight coolness,” Elvira takes the piece of paper with deluded scribbles on it.
“I gave your number, Eddy,” he says.
“Wh-ch- who the fuck to?” she scowls, leaning on the desk and putting her bags to the floor.
“The manager,” he says.
“His name isss?” I ask from behind a Poptart box that I’m checking for fat percentages.
“Ummmm,” he replies.
“You’re an idiot you know,” I say chewing through the foil.
“Pft come on lesbian,” Elvira picks up her bags and goes off for her office to get her other two bags. I find her groaning as she stuffs her bottles into the bags, in the dark of her office without lights turned on.
“Have to be difficult don’tcha,” I say turning the light on.
“Turn the fucking light off now! I don’t like the artificial light you know that!” she snaps, stopping momentarily before struggling in the dark after I switch the light back off.
“Come on I’ll help you,” I say.
Within a minutes they’re both full with the exception of the wine which she is now carrying instead.
We fly down the steps because the elevator smells, and find ourselves face down at the bottom in no time.
“What’s this, bed time! We gotta get a cab you foof!” Elvie says lighting a cigarette. She gets to the bottom and helps me scramble to my feet. I emerge from the fire escape stair doorway and charge ahead to get a cab before there comes the twenty minute gap when there never is one just to take the piss.