As Bizarre as It Gets

''Oh, gods. This is awful,'' I said looking into a full length mirror in Erik's apartment. We couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

When we had been walking from the bar to Erik's car, I slipped and fell on ice. There was mudd on my pants, jacket, in my hair and on my face.It was a good thing I didn't have to walk anywhere looking like that. I turned around and walked towards the bathroom.
I managed to get most of the mudd off with a wet cloth and washed my face and hands.

''I'm sorry, Carly. This is the bast I could do,'' I said to myself and went to the living room.

Erik had poured two glasses of red wine and sat comfortably on the sofa. He smiled when he saw me and asked:
''What would you like to hear?''
''Mmmh... Borghesia?''
He tilted his head to the side and gave me an annoyed look.
''Ok... Siouxsie?''
''Now you're talking,'' he said with a smile and went towards his cd collection that covered most of his southern wall.

The living room in Erik's apartment was my type of place: first wall – a cd collection, second wall – DVD collection, third wall – the book collection. The book shelves also happened to block a window so during daytime there would be only a tiny bit of light coming from the kitchen window that was on the northern side anyway. Take into consideration that the walls are purple and the furniture is black – and you've got yourself a pretty impressive place.

Music started playing and Erik sat down next to me.

''So... Any plans for New Year's?'' he asked.

''I don't know. You?''

''I had plans to go to Bulgaria but... I've just come back from Eastern Europe so... I don't feel like going anywhere for a while.''

''That's right, you were away... Where?''

''Moldova.''

''What is with you and the East?'' I teased.

He looked me in the eyes and smiled back. Then he looked away, cleared his throat and answered: ''I don't know. Somehow my path always leads me there. And I always find cool new things for my book collection.''

''And for your apartment.''

''Yeah, that too.''

We laughed. Both of us still remembered how he'd once bought an old crucufix from some shady guy who claimed he had stolen it from Bran Castle. After he'd brought it home, there were some spooky things happening in his apartment and Erik was so freaked out I had to stay with him for a week. I found it funny at first but then I started hearing footsteps and voices, lights and bathroom taps going on and off... It was getting nasty. It stopped eventually, though.

We sipped the wine and listened to Siouxsie's recognizable singing.

''The woman sounds like a goat, doesn't she?'' I commented.

He laughed and took out a pack of Marlboro Lights from his pocket. He offered me one and fired it up for me.

We'd known each other for such a long time and we felt so comfortable that he didn't mind when I crawled across the couch and sat on his lap. He absent-mindedly played with a strand of my hair and we continued sipping the wine. Soon it would be finding its way to my bloodstream.

''How serious is your relationship with that Austrian guy?'' he asked.

''He's German.''

''Close enough. But you didn't answer my question,'' he said and nuzzled my neck, taking in the scent of my perfume.

''We had a strange start. I sort of had a thing for a friend of his but he wasn't interrested, in the meantime I found out this guy had feelings for me and I wanted to give him a shot. It's a little tense, being in a long distance relationship. But I care about him. And I want to make it work. We had a fight last time he called. You saw it at the bar. It was all so stupid.''

''You care enough to try to fix the damage.''

''He angered me with being jelous. I'm afraid he could start treating me like a possesion. On the other hand, magazine articles describe him as a male whore. At the end of the day... What if he doeasn't care enough to try to fix this?''

Erik looked away and thought hard about something. He rubbed his forhead and said: ''I can't do this.''

''Do what?'' I was confused.

He stood up, picking me up bridal style. He put me on the couch and sat next to me.

''Carly... We both know why I asked you to come here tonight. But he does care and he does want to be with you. When you were in the bathroom your cell rang and I answered. It was some guy who was speaking to me in English. He asked me where you were. I told him you were in the bathroom. Then he asked me if my name was Erik. I said yes and he hung up.''

''What?! And you waited this long to tell me this?!!!''

''First I needed to know if you loved him.''

I winced when he said the L word. He noticed but said nothing. Instead he patiently waited for me to speak.

''It's not on you to decide if you're gonna tell me my boyfriend called. And you shouldn't have been answering my phone anyway,'' I said.

''I'm sorry. But a part of me can't let go of you. I miss you sometimes.''

''I'm sorry too, Erik. But you're not gonna be licking wine off of my stomach any time soon.''

We laughed. Knowingly.

After a couple of hours we both fell asleep on the couch. He would offer to give me a ride home after a delicious breakfast. And then I would deal with Yu. But not sooner.

The next day I was at home, pacing around my room. Usually most of my problems looked smaller in the morning but this one had aparrently grown overnight.

I tried to emagine what Yu was thinking. Now I knew I should have called him the night before. What had I been thinking? A guy answered my cell and I hadn't called back for the next fifteen hours? That couldn't have looked good from Yu's point of view. It would probably be the best to check how much damage was done first. So I called Strify.

''Hallo?'' he answered.

''Hey, it's... It's Carly,'' I said.

''Oh...'' he sounded surprised and then remained quiet for the next few seconds.

''How is he doing?'' I stopped trying to beat around the bush.

''I don't know. He's doing that thing again. He's not speaking. Last night I asked him what was wrong and when I asked about you, he said he didn't know anybody named Carly.''

It took me some time to find my voice so I could clarify: ''He thinks I slept with another guy last night. I can't blame him for suspecting but I didn't do anything.''

''Please, don't ask me to be the messenger. The last time I was the middle man, I got punched in the face, remember?'' he was serious but I could hear a smile in his voice.

''I know, that's why I wouldn't ask such a thing. I just needed to check the damage done before calling him.''

''You do that right now. Bye.''

''Strify!''

''I'm still here.''

Thanx.''

''You're welcome, Carly. Now fix this. I can't look at him moping around,'' he half-joked.

''I will. Bye.''

''Bye.''

I tried calling him five times that day. And then the next day. And then the next. He never answered. He never called back. I couldn't admit to myself that I was devostated. It felt like there was an empty hole in my chest that grew. Depression was spreading through my body like a disease. I couldn't eat or think. I every night I sat in the dark and cried, afraid to fall asleep. I knew I would dream of him and that scared me to death.

Soon days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. I stopped trying to reach him. I was sleeping for about an hour every night and woke up at dawn. When I woke up, I would feel like hell but couldn't remember why. And then the whole story ran through my head and I would break all over again.

Everybody noticed the change in me. I was faking smiles for my family and friends but I knew I wasn't fooling them.

And then it happened. At that time I was looking at the world through a haze but my memory of that day is still clear. It was 6th March 2008. Saturday. Mum and dad left to visit my grandparents. It was early afternoon. I was supposed to meet my editor that day so I stood in front of the bathroom mirror trying to think of a way to fix what I saw. It had to be fixed.

I sighed, already used to feeling that pressure in my chest and opened the medicine cabinet hoping to find some concealer or foundation there. I found nothing. Nothing except a bottle of sleeping pills. Why hadn't I thought of them earlier?

I went back to my room to get my glass. Then I went back to the bathroom, filled the glass with water and diled my editor's number. I called in sick.

I sat down again and opened the pill bottle. Two fell out on my palm. I didn't think that would be enough to help me sleep. Then another two fell out. And then another two. Soon I held a fisful of pills. A weird feeling came over me. Like I floated out of my body and watched myself sit there on the edge of the tub.

I just stared at my hand for a while. A deep buzzing sound snapped me back to reality. I forgot I'd left my cell on the top of the medicine cabinet.

I put the glass of water on the floor, got up and frowned when I didn't recognize the number on my display.

''Hello?'' I answered.

My heart skipped a few beats when I heard Yu's trembling voice on the other end: ''Carly... I need you.''