Resurecting Love

You know about Harry moving out, that went quite quickly, not quite as fast as he wanted. It took him a month to find a flat and then a week to move out. I didn't see where he moved too, he wouldn't allow me to, he asked Mum and dad to leave him alone for a while and he'd come and see us. That liar, so my parents gave in as fools lending him some money to start off the rent. As soon as his furniture had left his room, I stood there crying in the empty space. All the posters still there but nothing else. I had been left to stand on my own two feet. I didn't know when I would next see him or where he worked now. It was too confusing. He got himself a new mobile because I had rung his mobile about a thousand times to talk to him. He would hang up every call.

While I tell you this delicate memory, please think about how you would feel in my position because that is the only thing that will connect you to my emotions...

[Flash Back]

I sat on my chair in my brothers old room. I was looking out of his window wondering when he would come home. He had told mum and dad that he'd be back in a few weeks but so far we've had no responce from him. Nothing. Someone knocked on the door and I glanced round at it, half hoping that he had finally come back. Just to open the door and tell me to bugger off out of his room but no. Mum popped her head round and pulled an unhappy face.

"Abi, honey, please come away from that window. I'm sure he'll come within the next few days." She came into the room. "Please sweetheart." She asked putting her hand on my shoulder. I turned back to the window emotionless.

"Maybe later mum." I replied. She would have pressed me harder to get me to move into a different room, but I had actually said that I would leave his room which is more than can be said for yesturday.

I heard mum go down the stairs and talk to dad. I knew that they'd ring Harry again, just because that was the only thing that would bring me back to life, and stop moping around the house. It's not like he'll come. He hasn't spoken to any of us in two months.

[Flash back ended]

Harry only rang us once after he moved out and that was after four months of me moping around. He told us he was fine, that he couldn't come and see us because his job stopped him. I begged him over the phone to come back. I tried desperately to get my brother back but he wouldn't.

I haven't had contact with him since, I don't even know if he is alive, but if he was, first I'd murder him. Only after then I'd tell him everything that has happened since he has gone. I've had quite a rollercoaster ride what with Suki and Lola. One second I have to go sort something out.

-

Phew, now thats done and I've got myself a coffee, I can resume the story so far. Sorry for holding you up, its about 8pm now you see and I'm rather tired. Anyway, a diary of these events is no place for napping. So on to my next trouble.

I was fifteen and my brother had walked out on me. My school life was a mess but my parents made me pull through, telling me what to do and when to do it, but at least they were there for me. Of course I hated the extra attention and the fact they never stopped pesturing me, but any teenager would. I know its sad because I'm nineteen now but I can see why my parents did what they did. Woops I've made it sound like there not around anymore, they are, I still live with them. Anyway back to my story.

It was about a week after Harry's phone call, I got one from Suki, she wanted to talk to me, we hadn't had a heart to heart for a very long time. I'm afraid to say that David stopped Suki seeing me. And at the time I hadn't the strength to tell her that my brother was gone. So she didn't know. We saw each other at school but we concentrated on our work because we finally realised the importance of being someone who could get a job, make money and make a difference.

Suki was the best thing that happened to me for a very long time but then as I said I got this phone call and I answered it like usual.

[Flash back]

" Hello. "

" Hey, Abi, it's me. " Suki! I smiled towards the phone.

"Hey, Suki, how are you?"

"I'm okay, I wanted to say that I'm so sorry David wont let us hang out, I reckon he's scared of your brother." I heard her laugh from the other end. She stopped when I didn't join her. "Abi?"

"I'm here Suki." I answered.

"Are you okay?" I didn't know the answer to that. I would have said no but then she'd worry about me.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"You sure," There was a long pause, "Anyway I wanted to know if you could come over, so we could catch up and have fun." I knew that we shouldn't do that because David would have a hissy fit when he found out.

"I cant I'm busy." I lied quite blatantly.

"Abi, why? Are you scared of David?" If only that was the answer. I wasn't just scared that Suki would get a handful from David but that I would be broken and Suki would finally find out about Harry. I mean she just thought he was fine. That was what I was telling her after all, as far as I knew he was as fine as I last saw him. Whether he's done something since... I have no clue.

"No, I just cant, not today. I have some business to sort out. " Her immediate reaction was silence and I clenched my jaws because of it.

"Will Harry be able to pop over?" This was the first time that she had wanted to see him since the concert. I wondered if she had broken up with David but then thought better of it. He was still in her life because otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned him at the start of our situation.

"I don't know. If you want I can give you his number... I mean mobile because he's not here right now." I cant believe I'm doing this, I'm letting Suki have a go at talking to my brother because he wont talk to his own family. My god, if I sound like I'm in mono-tone, you know the really dreary tone it's probably because I feel like that. I feel so alone and up-set. How could I think that he would pick up a call from Suki? He'll most likely either stop the phone call, or stare at it untill she stops ringing.

"Can I Abi?"

"His number is ..." So I let her have the digets to his last mobile. If she gets through then my god will I envy her.

"Abi... I rang for a real purpose and I can't not tell you but I don't want to say it." I sighed knowing that it wasn't good.

"Tell me, please."

"David, thinks that we're not right as friends anymore. That we've out done our laughs and that our conversations lack spark. I think I agree with him. I want you to know that if you ever need me I'm here but ..." I couldn't cry, as much as I wanted to. If I tried to tell her what David was doing, she wouldn't listen to me. He was isolating her off, so that only he would have communicatory rights. He was one disturbed dude that had crossed his boundaries. He had corrupted my best friend successfully so that she couldn't see him doing it.

"You don't want to be friends anymore." I replied bluntly.

"It's not that. I just see it as I think we can't. We don't talk like we used to, like who we fancy, or what celebrity is really hot." Thats not my fault but thats not your fault either. He's told you what to say and what to think. He doesn't want my family around and so what does he do? He finds reasons to shove me out of your life by putting his reasons in your head.

"Okay. Suki I have to go. " We sat silently on the phone for thirty seconds. "Bye." I said feebly.

"Good bye." And I hung up.

[flash back ended]

Not everything since I broke up from school has been bad. I met a guy. He complains that it took him six months to get me to talk to him but hey, he's great. He makes me laugh all the time, he always knows what to say, and I think I can trust him with anything. Except I haven't got round to telling him about Suki and her dramatic life and well, her fucked up boyfriend. There isn't really much he could say is there, only that David's an arse.

Anyway so this guy I met whilst I was in college doing my english and Music A-levels was, different. I was sixteen and he was seventeen. I think he knew I was shakey in being his friend but he never took no for an answer. Including when we met.

[Flash back]

I sat on the chair at the back of the classroom with Mrs Conwere talking about art of making writing good. When she allowed us to pack up our books and go, she called me over, asking for a quick word. I knew it then that she would ask about home, and if something had happened that could be effecting my concentration. I put everything away and walked over to her desk. Hiding my discomfort by holding one folder in front of me.

"Abi, are you okay?" She glanced at me as she tidied her desk up. "You haven't been participating in class as much as you usually do." She stopped what she was doing and looked directly at me. "I guess, what I'm trying to say is, is there anything wrong at home that I can help you with?" I almost laughed at her without meaning to. It was ironic, my brother had been gone from my house, months now and I obviously wasn't showing my true standards, to the only teacher who knew me so well. I suppose I have let my grades fall, and without meaning to I think of my brother and what he could be doing.

"I'm fine Miss," I answered, "I have a headache today that's all." I went to leave but she put her hand on my shoulder.

"It may seem that you are alone Abi, but remember we are only alone if we choose to be." I pondered her words. What did she mean? Was I so absorbed in myself that I was shutting people out? I hadn't meant for it to happen, I just, I need my rock, my brother. My eyes filled with tears but miss couldn't see them because I had turned from her. I was about to say goodbye to my English teacher when someone knocked on the door.

"Excuse me, Miss, is it alright if I leave this story I wrote with you. I finished writing it the other day and I would like some feedback if you would mark it for me." I looked up at the person at the door. It was a boy, he looked barely older than me with his long black hair. He glanced at me then and I saw concern flash in his eyes. I had forgotten that I was crying.

"Bye miss," I said quickly dashing past the boy by the door and legging it down the hallway. How could I do this? Act normally when I want to scream and shout for my brother, who wont come. I sat on the wall outside the front of the college, breathing slowly and letting the tears flow silently down my cheeks.

"Can I help you," A boy asked from behind me making me jump, I got up and turned around quickly wiping my eyes.

"No, I'm, I'm fine." I said quickly. He walked over and smiled at me.

"If you were fine, then your eyes wouldn't be red and you wouldn't forget your folder." He picked my folder up and gave it to me. "My names Robert by the way."

"Robert, thanks," I held out my hand to be shaken before deciding that I should leave. He took my hand, shook it then kissed it randomly. He bowed his head,

"Your welcome... " He paused for my name but I couldn't give it to him. His actions how ever suprising and charming they were. Were just a little too forward for me right now and I can't get into something.

"I've got to go." I stated.

"You couldn't just say your name," He asked as I turned to leave. He made me laugh.

"Abi, my name is Abi." And I smiled as I walked away.

"Well, my newest friend Abi, I look forward to getting to know you." I heard him say behind me. I laughed a little again because I just got hit on by a hot guy.

[Flash back]

So as I mentioned, Robert wasn't the type to take no for an answer, not even with asking for my name. I did eventually let him in and we've been everywhere together since and life can only get better for us. Especially with our little Lola, she's beautiful.