Harder Than You Know

'Addison. Look, I'm sorry for everything I did to you. I know it was all wrong and just totally unfair. Call me, please. I just want to talk to you. Bye.'

The voice pleaded over the speaker. I groaned out in frustration as I glanced down at the water standing on the floor. I decided to clean it up after checking on Audrey. I went upstairs to find her playing with Barbie's. I sighed, heading back downstairs to clean up my mess.

Alex came in around nine, carrying Subway. I took it graciously since I hadn't felt like myself since the phone call. I wasn't sure whether I was going to return it or not. Alex put Audrey's sandwich in the refrigerator since she had gone to bed around seven thirty. We ate in silence. It wasn't too awkward, but it wasn't comfortable either.

"Whats wrong babe?" He asked me, rubbing his thumb on my thigh in soft circles. Now matter how long we had been together, I was still weak at his touch. I trembled slightly, my breathing become ragged.

"Um, go listen to the newest message on the answering machine." I told him quietly. He looked at me with curiosity written on his face, but went into the kitchen nevertheless. I followed slowly after sitting my plate down on the coffee table. He had pressed play, and the voice was just finishing their message.

"Are you going to call them back?" He asked me, taking my body into his. I shrugged my shoulders, wrapping my arms around his small frame.

"You should, you know. If you don't, you may get more phone calls." He told me gently, brushing some of my hair behind one of my ears. He kissed my forehead gently while I sighed with a lot of force. He picked me up carefully and carried me up to the bedroom.

"Just get a good night sleep, love. You'll know what to do in the morning." I nodded, pulling my jeans off awkwardly while trying to keep from rolling sideways and off into the floor. Alex stripped of his clothes so he was only in his boxers. I keep my shirt on, it was just a loose Cobra Starship shirt. He joined me in the bed after switching off the lights and cracking the door.

"I love you." I murmured softly, listening to the steady heartbeat in his chest.

"I love you more than you could imagine." He breathed back. That was the last thing I heard before I drifted off into sleep.

I sat up from the bed. This wasn't Alex's and my room. No - this was my room back in Las Vegas. I quickly got up, ready to find out what the hell was going on. I was in my old, run down apartment that brought back dreadful memories. There was no way in hell.

'This is just a dream. A very bad dream.' I muttered to myself. I continued to where the kitchen was. Talking was coming from the inside. It was more along the lines of arguing, however. I pushed open the door to see Max and Ronnie standing there. All talking halted when they noticed my presence.

"Um, Sophia sweetie. Shouldn't you be in bed?" Max smiled gently at me.

"I feel fine. What's going on?"

"It's nothing babe." Ronnie cooed, smiling nervously. I took a step backward, then the scene changed. I was standing in the sand, staring out to the ocean. Alex walked up beside me, wiping the tears from my face softly.

"Addison's in a better place, love. Don't stress yourself over this. I know it would be her tenth birthday, but we still need to take care of Austin." He mumbled into my ear, enveloping me in a hug. I cried on his shoulder a few minutes, until I finally stopped. I missed my daughter.

Once again, everything was different. I was in a black dress, black heels, and absolutely zero make up. Dry tears stuck onto my face, making my cheek hard. Everyone was around me crying as they lowered a casket into the ground. Once the poured the dirt back on top, and everyone had left, I walked to the tombstone.

"Goodbye, love." I murmured, kissing my fingers and pressing them to Alex's tombstone. Addison sat behind the wheel, waiting to drive us back home.

I jumped up and nearly rolled off of the bed, but clutched the sheets tightly. Alex was across the room, going through clothes. I sprang up, launching myself onto him.

"What wrong sweetie?" He said worried. I didn't reply, but instead grabbed his face between my hands and pushed my lips onto his. I knocked him back into the dresser, making him grab a hold of me startled. I let go, breathing deeply.

"You know, I'm going to be around much more often if I get responses like this." He laughed. I smiled gently, glad it was only a dream.