Crawling Back To You

Megan’s POV

The aroma of homemade pancakes made its way up to my room, waking me ever-so-quickly. It was 7:15 when my eyes fluttered open, meeting a brand new day, an important day at that. After Joe left my house yesterday, I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what I would say to Nick. I lost count of how many new text messages I opened and closed out of, unable to find the right words.

I love Nick with every fiber of my being. The entire time I was in the hospital, I loved Nick with every fiber of my sick, feeble being. I felt guilty going to bed without telling him that. He had suffered enough, and I’m a terrible person for letting him suffer through another night. But today, today I would make it known to him that we were going to make it, that we were going to be happy again, like we were before the Grammys incident. Feeling good about the day, I swung my legs over the side of the bed, resting them on the floor. I stood up, letting my entire body stretch itself out.

I glanced at the picture frame on my desk and smiled—Nick and me. It was taken on the beach. We were watching the sunset, the background an incredible blend of yellow and orange. Nick was sitting with his legs spread apart, creating a perfect little nook for me to place my body. His arms were wrapped tightly around my shoulders, my hands resting gently on top of his. Neither Nick nor I were looking at the camera, which made the picture that much better. Tara took the picture. She’s into those artsy type photos, and this was just another one of her masterpieces.

My nose took over my thoughts as I quickly got dressed in practice attire and ran down to the kitchen. On the table was a feast— golden pancakes, crisp bacon, luscious fruit and fresh orange juice. Colin had already dug, placing another pancake on his plate. Mom placed a strawberry in her mouth as her glasses aided her in reading the world’s latest news.

“Good morning,” I announced my presence in the kitchen.

“Hey Meg,” Colin greeted.

“Hi sweetie, how are you feeling?” Mom asked.

“I feel great. I can’t wait to go to practice, and I definitely can’t wait to eat.”

They laughed as I sat in my unofficial assigned seat at the kitchen table, directly across from Colin. Mom placed a pancake on my plate as I poured myself a glass of orange juice. I smiled in thanks, and attacked the pancake with my silverware.

“Dad had to leave early this morning?” Colin asked.

“Yup, he’s working on a very big case,” Mom replied.

For the next few minutes, the only noise in the kitchen was the clanking of forks against plates. The silence was peaceful, almost refreshing. The sounds of the kitchen were much more enjoyable than the hectic sounds of the hospital.

A beeping came from the box by the front door. I excused myself, informing my family that I would attend to the ringing. It was the bell from the front gate, meaning someone was here that doesn’t know the code for it. I walked to the front door, looking at the screen projecting a live feed of the gate. I saw a white van with Athletic Club Flower Shop written on the side.

I pressed the button and spoke into the white box. “Hello?”

“Hi, I have a delivery from the Athletic Club Flower Shop,” a man said.

“Sure, one second.”

I pushed another button, one to open the front gate. I ran back to the kitchen to grab another piece of pineapple, waiting for the man to arrive at the front door. The doorbell was my cue as I ran back to the foyer. Opening the big, wooden front door, I was met by a man holding a huge bouquet.

“Megan Gibson?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Here you go. Enjoy.” He held the flowers out to me. I grabbed them as he said, “Have a great day.”

“Thank you very much. You too.”

I put my back against the door, pushing it shut as I smelled the flowers. The arrangement was beautiful. There were two dozen flowers in the vase—one dozen pink lilies and one dozen white lilies. My heart raced as I walked back to the kitchen. I knew exactly who they were from—the lilies were the tipoff.

“Wow, those are extravagant,” Mom commented as I placed the vase on the counter.

I noticed a small, white envelope sticking out the top of the flowers. Slowly pulling it out, I took a look at the handwriting my name was written in and it brought butterflies to my stomach. Even after being angry with Nick and not speaking to him for a few days, he still finds his ways to unleash the butterflies in me. That’s why I love him. I opened the top of the envelope, slipping out the card.

Megan,
I’m pretty embarrassed right now. Figuring you wouldn’t want to see me, I called the hospital to get your room number for these to be delivered to. They told me you checked out. I don’t know which emotions are stronger in me now—the disappointment in myself that I did something that hurt you so much that you won’t talk to me, or the relief that you’re okay. I miss you, Megan. You’re on my mind all the time. I know you’re upset and you have every right to be. I am willing to give you as much time as you need because…I need you. I’m waiting for you. I will always wait for you. I love you.
-Nick

“Nick?” Colin asked. I couldn’t tell the tone of his voice. Colin was angry with Nick that night, but Nick hasn’t been talked about much since then. I don’t know Colin’s current thoughts and feelings towards Nick.

“Yeah,” I replied with a smile, letting Colin know I thought it was a sweet gesture.

“Colin! You need to get going! Do you need a ride?” Mom yelled from the other room.

“I’ll take him! See you later, Mom!” I yelled back.

I ran out to the garage and checked my soccer bag, making sure everything I needed was still in it. Colin came out a minute later with his backpack and his bag for baseball practice.

“You’re lucky you don’t have to go to school anymore.”

“Oh yeah, because it’s so easy doing schoolwork at home where there are so many fun distractions calling my name,” I said sarcastically.

“Touché, sister. Let’s get going. I have a math test first period.”

Colin’s request made me speed up my actions. After getting settled in the car, I drove down the driveway, turning onto the street. A car parked on the side of the road immediately started up and pulled out right behind me.

“I think we’re being followed,” Colin said.

“Paparazzi, maybe. They’re probably freaking out that they haven’t seen me and Nick together for the past few days.”

“Speaking of Nick…” Colin’s voice trailed off.

“What about him?”

“The flowers were nice.”

“Yeah, they were.”

“When are you going to forgive him?”

“I’ll take care of it after practice.”

“I’ll forgive him this time, but if he does it again—”

“Alright, simmer down, Mr. Tough Guy.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry I want to look after my sister.”

“Thanks, Col. I appreciate it.”

“Mike said the same thing by the way, when I told him what happened.”

“I swear, the two of you are incredibly sweet people, but it takes one small thing to set you both off.”

“People better stay on our good side, that’s all. And what about you?! The same goes for you and you know it. Must I bring up the Ms. Cyrus incident?”

“Alright, so it’s a Gibson thing,” I declared, causing both Colin and I to laugh.

“You can just drop me off over there,” Colin told me as I pulled up to his school.

Colin opened his door and stepped out. As he opened the back door to get his bags, camera flashes started going off from the car that was following me.

“Dude, am I going to be in a magazine?!” Colin asked, overly excited.

“It wouldn’t be your first,” I reminded him.

“Yeah but it would be another to add to the collection.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Have a good day, Col.” Seeing a few of his friends waiting for him, I rolled down the window and yelled, “Love youuuuuu, Colin!” Colin furrowed his eyebrows while his friends tried to hold in their laughter. I waved to them and drove off, the sketchy car in tow.

Nick’s POV

I’m sick of the four walls that comprise my bedroom. While it has been my safe haven for the past couple of days, part of me is dying to get out. The other part of me knows I can’t leave. I can’t leave because the generous part of my personality won’t allow me to. My optimism has turned to pessimism. I carry a negative energy with me wherever I go. It is noticeable and contagious. Spreading it around would be unfair.

The minimal amount of communication—and by minimal, I mean zero—between Megan and me has been slowly killing me on the inside. My lack of care for anything but Megan has begun to take a toll on my physical appearance. I haven’t slept much, the bags under my eyes providing solid evidence. I don’t care about my hair, I haven’t showered in two days and the one time I left the house, I didn’t care how my outfit looked.

Not a minute goes by that I don’t think about Megan. I think about what she is doing, who she is with, how she is feeling and if she is thinking about me too. I sent her flowers this morning because I just can’t sit here anymore. I have questions and I need answers. Will I be forgiven for this stupid mistake? Are we going to be okay?

Exhaling all the oxygen in my lungs, I reluctantly picked up the book lying next to my bed. I had lost count of how many times over the past two days I looked through it. Despite the pain Megan was causing me, which is my fault, looking at her beautiful face and the times we had together made me smile.

The scrapbook Megan gave me on my seventeenth birthday has been growing at a steady pace. The book was something we created together and it is turning into quite the masterpiece, showing different qualities of our relationship. The picture of Kevin and me pushing Megan into her pool shows the silly, childish aspect. The picture of me wearing Megan’s way-too-tight-on-me jersey shows the support we have for each other. The picture of Megan and I kissing in the basement, which “Joe the Creeper” took, shows the love between us. The picture of Megan and me on the red carpet of the AMA’s shows the public side of us, our other lives.

The list goes on and on. I could look at this book forever. I want Megan by my side forever. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Megan is my rock through this hectic, insane life that I live. She knows that I need her, but she doesn’t know how much. Only I will truly know how much because there are not enough words and not enough things I could do to show it.

While studying the pictures on the ‘Christmas 2008’ page, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Every time my phone vibrates, I pray it is Megan. This time was no different—I hoped to see her name across the screen. This time was no different—it wasn’t her.

1 Received Text Message: Joe Jonas
11:58 a.m.- I’m too lazy to come up and tell you that Dad brought home a pizza. You want a slice?
1 Sent Text Message: Joe Jonas
11:59 a.m.- Maybe later. Save me one?

Flipping through some more pages, my phone vibrated once more as I scanned the random candid section, including pictures from the plane ride to New Jersey and Megan’s soccer game in January. Assuming it was Joe, agreeing to save me a slice, I opened the message without looking at the sender. When I went to turn the page, I refocused my attention to the phone.

1 Received Text Message: Megan Gibson
12:02 p.m.-Hey Nick, are you busy right now?

A large lump formed in my throat as my mouth dried up. I closed out of the message in shock. After rubbing my eyes a few times, I went to my inbox to see if the message was actually there, or if my sleep deprivation was playing an evil trick on me. The pounding of my heart inside my chest increased as the message appeared at the top of inbox. Opening a new message, I quickly responded.

1 Sent Text Message: Megan Gibson
12:03 p.m.-Megan. Hey. No, I’m not busy.
1 Received Text Message: Megan Gibson
12:05 p.m.-Can you meet me at the lookout point in Baldwin Hills?
1 Sent Text Message: Megan Gibson
12:06 p.m.-Of course. What time?
1 Received Text Message: Megan Gibson
12:08 p.m.-I just got out of practice so I’m going to go over there now. Whenever you can is fine. And wear sneakers.
1 Sent Text Message: Megan Gibson
12:10 p.m.-I’m leaving now, and thanks. See you soon.

As I tied up the laces of my running sneakers, I thought about Baldwin Hills. It’s quite a hike to get up there, but I didn’t care. If Megan will be waiting for me at the top, I will run up those hills. Grabbing keys and other essentials, I finally emerged from my room, sprinting down the hallway, declining speed only on the stairs.

Running through the kitchen, I was greeted with very confused faces. “Going to see Megan,” came out of my mouth sounding like one, long, incomprehensible, meshed word. The looks of confusion probably grew but I didn’t have the time or interest in explaining right now. I had one thing on my mind and one thing only.

_______________________________________________________________________

Climbing the stupid hills was one of the most rigorous activities I have ever done. It’s a good thing Megan told me to wear sneakers, otherwise I would have been even more uncomfortable than I already was. Although the hike was a pain, it was a great location. Whenever there was a break in the trees, there was a breathtaking view of the city.

As I reached the top of another hill, I saw a cleared opening. If it wasn’t the lookout point, I was going to need to take a break. The huffs and puffs were a reminder that I need to get in shape. When not on tour, I fall out of shape without jumping and running around on stage for a few hours each night. But when I reached the top of that hill, all else was forgotten. Everything in the real world stopped as the one thing that makes Nick Jonas world go round came into sight.

Megan’s back was to me as she sat on a big boulder. One leg was brought up to her chest while the other dangled above the ground. She looked so peaceful, so serene, that I didn’t even want to disturb her. At that moment, I just wanted to touch her, to hold her, to tell her I am an idiot and I full well know it. Realizing we would have to talk before any type of touching occurs, I took the big first step.

“Megan,” I said, barely above a whisper. Her head turned, looking over her shoulder. I thought I saw a small smile tug at her lips.

“Nick,” she responded in an exact copy of my tone. She moved over on the rock, patting the space next to her and inviting me to sit with her. Progress. I like progress.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” Megan asked as I lifted my body onto the rock.

“Incredible. How’d you find this place?”

“Months ago, before I even knew you, practice was cancelled one day, so Heather and I decided we wanted to go on an adventure. We stumbled across this place and I’ve been coming here ever since. I usually come here to think.”

Taking a daring chance, I asked, “What are you thinking about?”

“Right now? I’m thinking about how when I’m up here, I feel so small. There are what, like six billion people in this world? One-six billionth is nothing. It makes me feel so…so unimportant.”

I unconsciously reached my hand out to rest it on the hand on her knee. When I realized what I was doing, I immediately pulled it back. I couldn’t rush this. It just had to happen. As badly as I wanted to pull her into me and let her know how important she is, I just couldn’t do it.

“You can’t underestimate your importance. Your importance in the world as a whole may not be much, but your importance in the people in your life is enormous,” I told her.

“Well that’s another thing. There are so many people out there in that city,” she said, focusing my attention and hers on the aerial view of L.A. “And so many people in this world that have problems much more serious than a little bicker in a relationship.”

“You’re right,” I agreed, trying to look into her eyes through the tinted lenses of her sunglasses.

“I look at my life and I love it. I’m so thankful for the things I’ve been able to do and the people that have been there along the way and…and I am so thankful for you being in my life. I’m over this disagreement, Nick. It’s not worth it.”

After those words lifted an enormous load off my shoulders, I simply responded with, “Thank you, and I’m sorry. I know what I did was wrong. I’ve been thinking about it—about you—nonstop since it happened. I overreacted, I let my built up frustration out on you and you didn’t deserve it at all. You had every right to be mad at me.”

“It wasn’t so much you letting out your frustration that got to me. Everyone gets frustrated and you need to let it out. Venting is healthy. What got to me was the blame. You blamed me for not being there, Nick, when you knew that if I was just barely healthy enough, I would have been.”

“I know you would have. I don’t know why I said that and I shouldn’t have. I’m ashamed in myself for blaming you. I was even harder on myself about that then I was about messing up on stage.”

“I know you’re sorry and I know you probably beat yourself up over this.”

“I did. I promise it won’t happen again. I love you too much to go three days without you again.”

“I love you, too.”

I lost the inner battle against my will power. My arm slowly found its way around Megan’s neck, waiting for her reaction. I smiled as Megan leaned her body into my chest, taking my hand and intertwining hers with mine while pulling it closer. I buried my face into the hair on the top of her head, taking in her scent. As the familiar smell registered, relief overtook my body. Placing a kiss on the top of her head, I looked out at the incredible sight before us, enjoying the comfortable silence of the area.

“I missed this,” Megan stated.

“I missed you. My family missed you, too. My family even missed me. I haven’t been the same.”

“I heard you on the radio yesterday. I was worried about you. You didn’t sound good.”

“That’s because I wasn’t good, but now,” I paused, placing another kiss on her head, “Now I’m good.”

She turned her head up towards me and smiled lightly. Considering it a silent invitation, I leaned forward, pressing my lips against her smiling lips. The kiss was genuine, filled with three days worth of bottled up love. Finally, I felt whole again. I felt like everything was actually going to be okay. Pulling away, I looked out taking in the site some more as Megan did the same.

“Let’s make this our spot,” I suggested.

“I’d like that,” she replied.

“Hey Meg?”

“Yeah Nick?”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure.”

“In the future, if you’re mad at me, which I hope you aren’t, can you please not leave me in the dark again? When Colin told me you didn’t want me to know you were being admitted into the hospital, I swear a part of me broke inside.”

“I know. That was my fault. I tried to get back at you and I know now that I was only feeding fire with fire.”

“No matter how mad you are or how mad I am, I love you and I need to be able to be there for you. It’s not a want, Megan, it’s actually a need.”

“It wasn’t an appropriate thing for me to do and for that, I am sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s in the past—the whole thing. Let’s not forget about it, but move forward from it.”

“That was deep, Nick,” Megan laughed. Her contagious laughter made me join in.

“What do you say we get out of here? Get something to eat and then go to my house?”

“That sounds perfect,” Megan agreed.

I hoisted myself off the rock before turning around. Megan grabbed my hands that were extended out to her and jumped off. Stepping back onto the dirt path, we ventured back down the hills, our hands intertwined and our problems solved.