For Keeps

I woke up at about nine o'clock the next morning. I felt refreshed and ready to start a new chapter in my life. Today, I thought, I am going to be the best that I can be. To me, that meant a hair cut. I had been too busy to notice the dead the ends of my hair and that my light brown locks almost reached my belly button.

Also, as a way to better myself, I was going to cut down to two packs of cigarettes a week. I know, I know... But it's a start. I got out of the clothes I wore to bed last night and took a shower, scrubbing my old life away. I looked in the mirror. I knew I was skinny and I knew it looked unhealthy, but my weight was the one thing in life I actually could control.I put on a navy blue dress and tied my hair up in a bun.

"Hey!" I said in a cheerful tone upon seeing Shia reclining on the couch watching the news and eating cereal.

"Hey." He said through a mouth full of Fruity Pebbles. His eye looked a little bruised and his lip a little swollen, but it only gave him more of that "bad boy" image. Very attractive. "You're very happy this morning."

"I'm becoming a new person." I said, pouring a cup of coffee. "Meet the new Rayne." I said and sat on the couch next to Shia. I planned on becoming more aware of current events and pretended to be interested in the news. I picked up the pack of Marlboro Lights on the coffee table and lit one to go with my coffee.

Old habits die hard.

"Okay, well how are you going to become this new Rayne?"

"First of all, I'm cutting back to two packs a week," I said, motioning to the cig in my left hand. "I'm going to get my hair done. I'm cutting off ties with all the negative people in my life, and I'm going to be a healthier person. Not just like, a healthy body, but like a healthy mind, you know?"

Shia chuckled, sort of mocking me. I didn't care though, I knew I could be the person I wanted to be and I was going to do a damn good job.

"Your grandma called." He said after a few minutes of silence. "While you were in the shower."

"Really? What did she say?" I was eager to hear about how their jewelry line was going at the meetings.

"Uh, they haven't had meetings yet, so they've just been hanging out. And she asked about the Nick situation."

"And what did you tell her?"

"That he got his ass kicked." Shia laughed. "No, but really, I let her know that you were safe and I was keeping an eye on you. She seems like she trusts me."

"Mmm." I was officially over talking about Nick. We watched the news for a few minutes while I pretended to be interested. "So, I'm gonna go get my hair cut, and I will see you later."

"Okay." Shia got up from the couch and began to follow me out to the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm going with you." Shia said in a 'no duh' tone.

"Oh no, you're not." I pushed Shia's chest with my finger and pushed him inside.

He chuckled but didn't budge. "I promised your grandma I'd watch you." And he began walking toward his truck.

"I'm not five, Shia. I think I can get my hair cut by myself." I was sick of not being able to be trusted, SO WHAT if I was caught doing whippets in the girls room in tenth grade, I stopped didn't I? And so what if I have already been to rehab three times. I was okay now. I could be trusted.

"Get in the car, Rayne."

"No." I crossed my arms and wouldn't move. I would have driven myself but Shia's truck was blocking the driveway.

I saw Shia exhale and get out of the car. I thought I had won this war, but he just picked me up and walked me to the car.

"Shia! Put me down!" I was kicking to get out of his arms but his grip was too strong and kept laughing at me. "Shia, I'm wearing a dress! My ass is showing!"

"I know." Shia laughed. He didn't stop laughing even after we drove off. "Where are we going?"

I ignored his question. I was busy being stubborn.

"Rayne, come on, don't be mad!"

I still ignored him. But then I thought, what would the new Rayne do? Yeah. The new Rayne would be stubborn too.

"Fine, we're going to Supercuts."

"NO!" I shouted. "Turn left at the next light, we're going to La Brea."

"Alright, chill out..." We drove in silence for a few minutes until we pulled up to the salon. "Still mad at me?" Shia asked, smiling so that even if I couldn't be mad if I tried.

I exhaled loudly and rolled my eyes. "No..."

Shia followed me out of the truck and into the salon. A few people noticed him, so he pulled his baseball cap lower over his head.

"Rayne?" A hairdresser called my name after we were waiting for a few minutes. Again, Shia followed me. I pretended to be annoyed with him, but I could still feel his eyes on me as I walked in front of him.

About an hour later my haircut was finally finished. Shia would make faces at me while my hair was being cut, forcing me to shake with giggles and piss Jamie, who cut my hair, off. We must have looked like a couple of five year olds, but I didn't care.

"How does it look?" I asked Shia when we got back in the car. I wasn't sure if I liked it. I was so used to having my hair long, way down to my belly button, so even four inches seemed like a lot.

"It's nice." He said. Typical guy answer.

When we got home, Shia and I laid out by the pool and soaked up the sun. I made margaritas to drink out by the pool and started to feel the buzz of the tequila after only two glasses and noticed that I really didn't know much about Shia.

"Is that your only tattoo?" I asked him. I turned on my side to face him and saw that he was laying on his back with his arms behind his head and I could see the tattoo on his ribcage.

"Nah, two more." He answered without opening his eyes. There was a paw print on his bicep and numbers on his wrist. "Did you ever take the plunge?"

"Yup." I answered. He turned to me as I showed him my tattoos. "There's this one," I said, pointing to the sparrow on my foot, "and this one," it was a violet (for my grandmother) on my ribcage, "this," the dove on my neck, "and my mom's name, here." I said pointing to wrist.

"What happened to her?" He asked, kind of softly.

"Um, she died when I was younger."

"I'm sorry."

"No, well, thanks, but you know, everything happens for a reason, right?"

"Right." I lit a cigarette and exhaled. The buzz from the margaritas gave me the courage to keep talking about my mom.

"Yeah, I was four when it happened. A car accident. So then it was just my dad and me." I took a puff and exhaled. "Which was pretty awful. I mean, he was addicted to heroin and that's not easy to grow up with. There were people in and out of the house all the time." I wasn't even talking to Shia anymore, but just talking out loud. "I didn't know at the time that he was selling the drugs. Then when I was thirteen he OD'd on a bunch of drugs. I don't even remember what they all were."

I took another drag from my cigarette and kept talking.

"So then I moved in my grandmother, here, which was nice, because the only other person who loved me was my mom, and she was gone, and my grandmother loved me. I feel bad, though, cause I put her through hell. I mean, with all that happened, it was recommended I had a therapist who said I had PTSD, and I had insomnia t the time too, which I guess came with the post traumatic stress disorder. So I started smoking a lot of weed, cause then I could sleep at night easier without relying on pills and shit.

I was all of a sudden a motor mouth. I never even talked this much with any of my therapists. "And then there was the anorexia, but that's over, and I'm not going back. But while I was in rehab for the anorexia, I started painting and it became my passion so I didn't have to rely on drugs or anything to make me happy or feel whole and then I had this show at Burgamot Station, you know the gallery in Santa Monica? Yeah, and I had this whole article in the LA Times, so it's been this roller coaster. I've been way, way, way low, and way high."

"Where are you at now?"Shia asked. I stopped talking long enough for him to put a few words in.

"I'm up there." I said with a smile.

"I didn't know any of that." Shia said kind of softly. "I mean, I did know some but not really."

"No more tequila for me." I put down my margarita and looked at Shia, I mean really looked at him. He was wearing Ray Bans and only had on a pair of black shorts. His hair was wet from diving in the pool and little while ago and still had a little water glistening on his tan, muscular, body. It was the first time I really, really noticed just how sexy Shia was. I mean, I knew he was cute, but I never saw his sex appeal until right now.

I caught the lovebug.