Observations

"Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting."

~Peter Pan

Valentines Day comes in two ways it seems.

Either it is a day of affection and joy, of celebration and togetherness. Or as a day you find yourself caring very little for, a reminder of your loneliness, a chance for couples to rub their relationship in your face without arousing suspicion or complaints. After all they are like every other couple, smitten as can be exchanging gifts and going out together right, no-one who has someone notices the faltering smiles on that lonely persons face.

Valentines Day is a very odd day for yours truly Cecilia. The day becomes nothing much but a blur of complicated, mixed emotions. The lists of facial expressions are endless;
-‘You don’t know it yet but I’m your secret admirer’
-‘I hope they like the card/gift’
-‘Who the hell is the stalker kid sending me cards’
-‘Oh great every corner I turn there is a couple, I can’t escape’
-‘This is a really bad present but I’m going to pretend I like it’
-‘I say the opposite but I really do want someone to want me’
-‘He/she hasn’t noticed me yet again, but today somehow it hurts a little bit more’
As I said, endless.

This complex cocktail of emotions really tires my mind. It is hard as a sensitive listener and watcher to deal with the head rush. I daresay everyone other then the person themselves and me are completely unaware of how they feel about the whole scenario.

But even I, the silent, watchful, wallflower, could not imagine how today’s events would become so poignant in my memory and the memory of few others. The hub-bub of the hallways was flowing and undisturbed much like every other day. There were sweet smells in place of the boring everyday scents. Valentines Day.

That’s when I felt it, a harsh draft of anxiety coming from a certain blonde headed lad by the name of Iban Vierra. Though his arm was resting on the shoulder of his adored, his other fist appeared to be clenched and his eyes were hurting. Indie reached her hand up to meet the hand gracing her shoulder, she gave a slight squeeze. He smiled and though it didn’t reach his eyes he kissed her delicately on the lips. Iban gripped her tightly and they stood there for about ten minutes, seemingly unaware of everyone glancing as they walked past.

When they broke apart Iban couldn’t seem to muster the courage to look into her eyes. I could see how much it hurt them both, that he couldn’t look at her. He didn’t want her to understand which was okay because Indie definitely did not understand. I could almost hear her brain think about what was wrong, and it clicked. Iban was letting her go, she just didn’t understand why. Had she done something wrong?

It was distressing to watch as her eyes looked up at him. As she grabbed her face and forced him to look into her eyes. As she searched for some clue in the now murky depths of his eyes.

And as a lonely drop of salty water escaped her pacific eyes, the only word she could find was;

“Why?”