Clash Of The Rockbands
Single Again
Daphne’s POV
Jay and I were in a bit of a rough patch.
Our personalities no longer meshed well. Before, our personalities had gone hand in hand. Now, our personalities held a sharp dagger at each other’s throats. Every time Jay and I had gotten together for the past couple of weeks, we usually ended up getting in some huge argument. We’d both go home fuming, and would never forgive each other by the time we got together again to go some place. That anger with each other just accumulated and accumulated until we got into arguments just walking to his car.
Also, Jay was becoming annoyingly suspicious of my faithfulness. Anytime I would happen to walk out of school talking to a guy, when I reached Jay’s car, he would instantly start chewing me out, asking me who that guy was, asking me why I talked to him. It didn’t matter if that guy was gay, if he was a teacher, even if he had been my brother, Jay still acted over jealous, and overprotective, and it had really begun to annoy me. I didn’t chew him out when he talked to other girls; what gave him the right to chew me out when I talked to other guys?
I huffed and sunk down deeper into the sudsy, soapy water in the bathtub. I didn’t need this drama right now. I didn’t need a suspicious boyfriend with a personality that gnashed at my own. But I still feared what would happen if we broke off all ties from each other. So, I tried to keep the relationship going, but I didn’t know how long it would hold up under all this new strain.
“This sucks,” I grumbled beneath my breath, sinking down further in the warm water. Now only from my mouth up stayed above the water.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and slipped completely beneath the water. I hung out beneath the surface for about thirty seconds. Once my lungs began to burn, I straightened up, and my head broke the surface. I gasped in air, my hair glued to my face with water. I wiped the water away from my eyes before opening them. It felt so refreshing to just go beneath the water, to feel the silence beat against my ear drums. I felt away from the world, away from the grief, away from that fucked up thing called love.
With loud sloshing sounds, I climbed out of the bathtub and wrapped a white, fluffy towel around my body. I turned around and pulled the plug on the bathtub, and it began to drain with loud, obscene gurgling noises. I stepped over to the mirror to look at myself.
I looked no different. I looked the exact same as I had in Indiana, when Mom and Dad were still alive. My eyes weren’t puffy, bloodshot, and red. I didn’t look pale, or sickly. I looked normal.
All the more better to mask my depression.
I let the towel slide away from my body and instead twisted it around my hair to squeeze any excess water out of it. I dragged on my undergarments, a pair of lime green pajama shorts, and a turquoise tank top. Then, I let my hair out of the towel and combed it out before tying it back in a simple braid.
Right as I walked into my room, my phone began to ring from where I’d thrown it on the bed. I strode over to it and scooped it up, flipping it open. I placed it to my ear and answered,
“Hello?”
“Hi, Daphne,” Jay replied.
“Oh, hey.”
“I was going to send you a text message, but I figured this would be the best way to go.”
“Okay...” I trailed off, not sure what he was talking about.
“Listen, Daphne, our relationship is going nowhere. We fight every time we see each other. I’m suspicious of any guy you talk to. It’s just not working out.” Jay began. I slowly sank down on the edge of my bed, feeling my heart begin its descent towards the pit of my stomach. “So...I’m breaking it off. We’re not a couple anymore.”
My stomach, with my heart in it, dropped out of my body completely. My hand trembled upon the sheet sprawled across my bed.
“But...but...but...” I stammered. “Can’t we...Can’t we try to fix it? Can’t we try to not fight? Can’t we try to make the relationship better?”
“No, Daphne,” Jay answered. “We can’t. It’s impossible. You’re young, naïve, stubborn, and I wouldn’t expect you to understand. I’m not your boyfriend anymore, Daphne, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“Fuck you!” I choked out. I closed the phone and chucked it at the wall opposite. Before it had even hit the wall, though, I collapsed across my bed, buried my face in my pillow, and screamed. I screamed again and again, until it diminished to a strangled sob. Tears soaked my pillowcase, but I didn’t give a damn.
Fear washed over me. Fear, and sadness, and just a tiny hint of anger. My mind had already begun to go in a billion different directions, thinking a billion different things. I didn’t know what I would do. What would happen to me? My depression would worsen, I knew that much. But what would happen when my depression worsened? Would I commit suicide? Would I become a different person? Would I lose myself?
There were too many questions. There were too many damn unanswerable questions. I could feel depression lurking in the shadows around me, waiting to pounce when I was at my most vulnerable, at my weakest point. It waited to pounce when I felt empty, and confused, and horrible. And, if all that were true, it would pounce soon.
Very, very soon.
Jay and I were in a bit of a rough patch.
Our personalities no longer meshed well. Before, our personalities had gone hand in hand. Now, our personalities held a sharp dagger at each other’s throats. Every time Jay and I had gotten together for the past couple of weeks, we usually ended up getting in some huge argument. We’d both go home fuming, and would never forgive each other by the time we got together again to go some place. That anger with each other just accumulated and accumulated until we got into arguments just walking to his car.
Also, Jay was becoming annoyingly suspicious of my faithfulness. Anytime I would happen to walk out of school talking to a guy, when I reached Jay’s car, he would instantly start chewing me out, asking me who that guy was, asking me why I talked to him. It didn’t matter if that guy was gay, if he was a teacher, even if he had been my brother, Jay still acted over jealous, and overprotective, and it had really begun to annoy me. I didn’t chew him out when he talked to other girls; what gave him the right to chew me out when I talked to other guys?
I huffed and sunk down deeper into the sudsy, soapy water in the bathtub. I didn’t need this drama right now. I didn’t need a suspicious boyfriend with a personality that gnashed at my own. But I still feared what would happen if we broke off all ties from each other. So, I tried to keep the relationship going, but I didn’t know how long it would hold up under all this new strain.
“This sucks,” I grumbled beneath my breath, sinking down further in the warm water. Now only from my mouth up stayed above the water.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and slipped completely beneath the water. I hung out beneath the surface for about thirty seconds. Once my lungs began to burn, I straightened up, and my head broke the surface. I gasped in air, my hair glued to my face with water. I wiped the water away from my eyes before opening them. It felt so refreshing to just go beneath the water, to feel the silence beat against my ear drums. I felt away from the world, away from the grief, away from that fucked up thing called love.
With loud sloshing sounds, I climbed out of the bathtub and wrapped a white, fluffy towel around my body. I turned around and pulled the plug on the bathtub, and it began to drain with loud, obscene gurgling noises. I stepped over to the mirror to look at myself.
I looked no different. I looked the exact same as I had in Indiana, when Mom and Dad were still alive. My eyes weren’t puffy, bloodshot, and red. I didn’t look pale, or sickly. I looked normal.
All the more better to mask my depression.
I let the towel slide away from my body and instead twisted it around my hair to squeeze any excess water out of it. I dragged on my undergarments, a pair of lime green pajama shorts, and a turquoise tank top. Then, I let my hair out of the towel and combed it out before tying it back in a simple braid.
Right as I walked into my room, my phone began to ring from where I’d thrown it on the bed. I strode over to it and scooped it up, flipping it open. I placed it to my ear and answered,
“Hello?”
“Hi, Daphne,” Jay replied.
“Oh, hey.”
“I was going to send you a text message, but I figured this would be the best way to go.”
“Okay...” I trailed off, not sure what he was talking about.
“Listen, Daphne, our relationship is going nowhere. We fight every time we see each other. I’m suspicious of any guy you talk to. It’s just not working out.” Jay began. I slowly sank down on the edge of my bed, feeling my heart begin its descent towards the pit of my stomach. “So...I’m breaking it off. We’re not a couple anymore.”
My stomach, with my heart in it, dropped out of my body completely. My hand trembled upon the sheet sprawled across my bed.
“But...but...but...” I stammered. “Can’t we...Can’t we try to fix it? Can’t we try to not fight? Can’t we try to make the relationship better?”
“No, Daphne,” Jay answered. “We can’t. It’s impossible. You’re young, naïve, stubborn, and I wouldn’t expect you to understand. I’m not your boyfriend anymore, Daphne, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“Fuck you!” I choked out. I closed the phone and chucked it at the wall opposite. Before it had even hit the wall, though, I collapsed across my bed, buried my face in my pillow, and screamed. I screamed again and again, until it diminished to a strangled sob. Tears soaked my pillowcase, but I didn’t give a damn.
Fear washed over me. Fear, and sadness, and just a tiny hint of anger. My mind had already begun to go in a billion different directions, thinking a billion different things. I didn’t know what I would do. What would happen to me? My depression would worsen, I knew that much. But what would happen when my depression worsened? Would I commit suicide? Would I become a different person? Would I lose myself?
There were too many questions. There were too many damn unanswerable questions. I could feel depression lurking in the shadows around me, waiting to pounce when I was at my most vulnerable, at my weakest point. It waited to pounce when I felt empty, and confused, and horrible. And, if all that were true, it would pounce soon.
Very, very soon.
♠ ♠ ♠
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