Clash Of The Rockbands
The Incredible Christ
“Dudes,” Kim announced as she stumbled out of the bunk room the following morning, “I had the weirdest dream last night.” She walked through the living room, rubbing her eyes before plopping down in Johnny’s lap.
“What happened in your dream?” I asked curiously, switching my gaze from my bowl of Lucky Charms to her tired face.
“I think it was brought on by my half-drunkenness from last night.” she explained. “Okay, in my dream, Johnny was a giant, practically. He was taller than Jimmy even; he was, like, fifteen feet tall. But anyway, now that you have that general picture, our bus was traveling in the middle of a desert somewhere. But then it broke down, so we all climbed out and untied the ropes strapping Johnny to the roof of the bus—”
“The roof of the bus!?” Johnny exclaimed. Kim laughed.
“Yeah, you were too big to fit in the bus, silly.” She became serious once again and sunk back into her dream. “Anyway, we were just lost in the middle of the desert somewhere. Tumbleweeds were flying off everywhere, the sun was beating down, and we ran out of water. And then, to make matters worse, Syn started saying that Johnny took steroids to get so tall. That didn’t go over well.
“Johnny just reached out a hand and flicked his finger, and Syn went flying off, landing in a dune about thirty feet away. And then suddenly it was night. And it was cold. We tried to go back in the bus, but the door was locked for some reason. Rayne said she’d brought the key out, but then remembered that she got too hungry and ate it.” Rayne burst into laughter at that part.
“That sounds so much like me!” she exclaimed, her torso slung across the kitchen table. “I would totally eat a key if I didn’t have any food and got hungry enough!”
“So, then, I got cold. Johnny noticed my shivering and picked me up between his forefinger and thumb and just put me in his back pocket.” Kim started giggling before she continued. “But this next part sounds so much like me. So, I’m in his back pocket, crouching there, all huddled up—your back pocket is warm, babe—and then suddenly I reach out and poke his butt. And then, I poke my head out of his pocket and yell, ‘His ass is rock hard! I told you it was!’.” The kitchen filled with our laughter. Rayne was still slumped against the table, her arm curled around her head. Jen was leaning against the counter, laughing and almost falling over.
“And I’m not even finished.” Kim continued after our laughter had died down. “So, I huddle back down in his pocket and I’m just sitting there. I sit there all night, until the sun comes up. Johnny pulls me back out of his pocket, and the bus magically works. So we set off after tying Johnny to the roof again. We reach the next venue, and we decide to go to a bar since the concert wasn’t going to be until the next day. So, we get to the bar, and a guy suddenly starts hitting on me. Johnny gets pissed off, and he begins to turn green. Suddenly, he’s like the Incredible Hulk, all green and muscular with his clothes all torn and ripped and stuff. And someone yells, ‘It’s the Incredible Christ!’ and Johnny starts throwing beer bottles and stuff at the guy who was hitting on me. He crashes a chair over the guy’s head, and the guy falls unconscious.
“Johnny turns back to normal, but he’s no longer Johnny, he’s Edward Norton now. He pulls me to him in a rough kiss, and suddenly a fist collides with my cheek. I stagger and look over to see Liv Tyler standing there, looking livid, and she screams, ‘You whoring bitch!’ And then it ended.” Kim finished. We all burst into laughter again, just at the simple images that her dream brought to mind.
I shifted in my seat, and a dull, throbbing pain shot through my left butt cheek. I instantly stopped laughing and glared over at James.
“What?” he asked once he’d glanced over and saw my glare.
“You bruised me.” I snipped. Rayne’s jaw dropped, and she instantly reached out and batted her hand against the back of James’s head.
“OW!” he exclaimed, covering the back of his head from the onslaught of her fingers. “When did this happen?” he asked me, clearly confused.
“When you smacked my ass,” I sniffed.
“I should’ve warned you, Melrose,” Syn said solemnly. “Jimmy likes it...kinky. Half his girlfriends have left the bedroom limping and wincing, bruised. I swear, he practically rapes them.”
If I was a different girl, with a different guy, and someone other than Syn had just told me that my boyfriend ‘practically rapes them’, I would probably slap the guy I was with and leave. But I was me, Melrose, and I trusted James and knew he wasn’t like that (that I had seen, at least...some men become completely different when influenced by lust) and I knew that Syn liked to joke. So, it didn’t bother me at all what Syn said. Everyone else seemed to have my logic as well, because no one seemed bothered by it either.
Probably because they’d never have the opportunity to be in the bedroom with James. But that’s beside the point.
“No, it wasn’t anything like that.” I explained with a laugh. “When he was leaving the stage, he smacked my ass. And it hurt. A lot.”
“I’m sorry.” James apologized. “I’d kiss it for you, but I think that would be a bit awkward.” AM spit out her orange juice from that mental image.
“Yes, please, don’t kiss my ass.” I agreed. “And you’re forgiven. I guess. Just...don’t do it again.”
“I’ve often found myself wanting to smack Rayne’s ass.” Syn informed us sincerely, nodding his head a bit. “It’s really quite lovely. But, I restrain myself. With difficulty.”
“You’re like Edward from Twilight.” Kim told him. She was obsessed with Edward. “Except, you know, instead of wanting to drink Rayne’s blood, you want to smack her ass.” Only Kim could relate a situation like this to Twilight.
“I don’t know...” Syn said uncertainly, looking over at Rayne. “Her blood might be enticing as well.” He leaned over and bit her bare shoulder playfully. She pushed him away with a hand braced against his chest before rubbing his saliva off her shoulder.
“Ew,” she snapped teasingly, wrinkling her nose. Syn chomped playfully at her. The rest of us just looked steadily away. We couldn’t complain about them flirting openly in front of us like that; all of us did it. As long as they didn’t just start making out at the table, everyone was okay with it.
“So, Matt, how did it feel to hold Rayne’s hand?” Jen asked from where she stood beside the counter. She cocked an eyebrow at him, concealing her smirk beneath a serious expression.
“Not nearly as soft as yours,” Matt told her quickly.
“That makes no sense.” Jen replied. I could hear her hidden smile beneath her voice. “Her hands cannot possibly be softer than mine. I play a guitar all the time; my fingertips are rough and callused from playing guitar so much. Rayne’s hands should be amazingly smooth after mine, since she only holds a microphone.”
“True,” Matt agreed. “But still, I’d rather hold yours.”
“But I can’t sing.” Jen informed him. “So you’re stuck with Rayne’s, I guess.”
“I actually have an idea, a different one, that we might be able to try out.” I announced. Everyone looked over at me. “It’s something way different than that, though. But it’ll be more fun, I think.”
“Ooh, spill,” AM said eagerly. I took a deep breath and shared my idea.
“What happened in your dream?” I asked curiously, switching my gaze from my bowl of Lucky Charms to her tired face.
“I think it was brought on by my half-drunkenness from last night.” she explained. “Okay, in my dream, Johnny was a giant, practically. He was taller than Jimmy even; he was, like, fifteen feet tall. But anyway, now that you have that general picture, our bus was traveling in the middle of a desert somewhere. But then it broke down, so we all climbed out and untied the ropes strapping Johnny to the roof of the bus—”
“The roof of the bus!?” Johnny exclaimed. Kim laughed.
“Yeah, you were too big to fit in the bus, silly.” She became serious once again and sunk back into her dream. “Anyway, we were just lost in the middle of the desert somewhere. Tumbleweeds were flying off everywhere, the sun was beating down, and we ran out of water. And then, to make matters worse, Syn started saying that Johnny took steroids to get so tall. That didn’t go over well.
“Johnny just reached out a hand and flicked his finger, and Syn went flying off, landing in a dune about thirty feet away. And then suddenly it was night. And it was cold. We tried to go back in the bus, but the door was locked for some reason. Rayne said she’d brought the key out, but then remembered that she got too hungry and ate it.” Rayne burst into laughter at that part.
“That sounds so much like me!” she exclaimed, her torso slung across the kitchen table. “I would totally eat a key if I didn’t have any food and got hungry enough!”
“So, then, I got cold. Johnny noticed my shivering and picked me up between his forefinger and thumb and just put me in his back pocket.” Kim started giggling before she continued. “But this next part sounds so much like me. So, I’m in his back pocket, crouching there, all huddled up—your back pocket is warm, babe—and then suddenly I reach out and poke his butt. And then, I poke my head out of his pocket and yell, ‘His ass is rock hard! I told you it was!’.” The kitchen filled with our laughter. Rayne was still slumped against the table, her arm curled around her head. Jen was leaning against the counter, laughing and almost falling over.
“And I’m not even finished.” Kim continued after our laughter had died down. “So, I huddle back down in his pocket and I’m just sitting there. I sit there all night, until the sun comes up. Johnny pulls me back out of his pocket, and the bus magically works. So we set off after tying Johnny to the roof again. We reach the next venue, and we decide to go to a bar since the concert wasn’t going to be until the next day. So, we get to the bar, and a guy suddenly starts hitting on me. Johnny gets pissed off, and he begins to turn green. Suddenly, he’s like the Incredible Hulk, all green and muscular with his clothes all torn and ripped and stuff. And someone yells, ‘It’s the Incredible Christ!’ and Johnny starts throwing beer bottles and stuff at the guy who was hitting on me. He crashes a chair over the guy’s head, and the guy falls unconscious.
“Johnny turns back to normal, but he’s no longer Johnny, he’s Edward Norton now. He pulls me to him in a rough kiss, and suddenly a fist collides with my cheek. I stagger and look over to see Liv Tyler standing there, looking livid, and she screams, ‘You whoring bitch!’ And then it ended.” Kim finished. We all burst into laughter again, just at the simple images that her dream brought to mind.
I shifted in my seat, and a dull, throbbing pain shot through my left butt cheek. I instantly stopped laughing and glared over at James.
“What?” he asked once he’d glanced over and saw my glare.
“You bruised me.” I snipped. Rayne’s jaw dropped, and she instantly reached out and batted her hand against the back of James’s head.
“OW!” he exclaimed, covering the back of his head from the onslaught of her fingers. “When did this happen?” he asked me, clearly confused.
“When you smacked my ass,” I sniffed.
“I should’ve warned you, Melrose,” Syn said solemnly. “Jimmy likes it...kinky. Half his girlfriends have left the bedroom limping and wincing, bruised. I swear, he practically rapes them.”
If I was a different girl, with a different guy, and someone other than Syn had just told me that my boyfriend ‘practically rapes them’, I would probably slap the guy I was with and leave. But I was me, Melrose, and I trusted James and knew he wasn’t like that (that I had seen, at least...some men become completely different when influenced by lust) and I knew that Syn liked to joke. So, it didn’t bother me at all what Syn said. Everyone else seemed to have my logic as well, because no one seemed bothered by it either.
Probably because they’d never have the opportunity to be in the bedroom with James. But that’s beside the point.
“No, it wasn’t anything like that.” I explained with a laugh. “When he was leaving the stage, he smacked my ass. And it hurt. A lot.”
“I’m sorry.” James apologized. “I’d kiss it for you, but I think that would be a bit awkward.” AM spit out her orange juice from that mental image.
“Yes, please, don’t kiss my ass.” I agreed. “And you’re forgiven. I guess. Just...don’t do it again.”
“I’ve often found myself wanting to smack Rayne’s ass.” Syn informed us sincerely, nodding his head a bit. “It’s really quite lovely. But, I restrain myself. With difficulty.”
“You’re like Edward from Twilight.” Kim told him. She was obsessed with Edward. “Except, you know, instead of wanting to drink Rayne’s blood, you want to smack her ass.” Only Kim could relate a situation like this to Twilight.
“I don’t know...” Syn said uncertainly, looking over at Rayne. “Her blood might be enticing as well.” He leaned over and bit her bare shoulder playfully. She pushed him away with a hand braced against his chest before rubbing his saliva off her shoulder.
“Ew,” she snapped teasingly, wrinkling her nose. Syn chomped playfully at her. The rest of us just looked steadily away. We couldn’t complain about them flirting openly in front of us like that; all of us did it. As long as they didn’t just start making out at the table, everyone was okay with it.
“So, Matt, how did it feel to hold Rayne’s hand?” Jen asked from where she stood beside the counter. She cocked an eyebrow at him, concealing her smirk beneath a serious expression.
“Not nearly as soft as yours,” Matt told her quickly.
“That makes no sense.” Jen replied. I could hear her hidden smile beneath her voice. “Her hands cannot possibly be softer than mine. I play a guitar all the time; my fingertips are rough and callused from playing guitar so much. Rayne’s hands should be amazingly smooth after mine, since she only holds a microphone.”
“True,” Matt agreed. “But still, I’d rather hold yours.”
“But I can’t sing.” Jen informed him. “So you’re stuck with Rayne’s, I guess.”
“I actually have an idea, a different one, that we might be able to try out.” I announced. Everyone looked over at me. “It’s something way different than that, though. But it’ll be more fun, I think.”
“Ooh, spill,” AM said eagerly. I took a deep breath and shared my idea.
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I don't know about you, but I thought that chapter was pretty freaking entertaining.My friend Keke was my muse for it. BOW AND KISS HER FEET, BITCHES.
Kim is based off of her, in case you're wondering. Anything Kim does or says, Keke would most likely do or say.
Mhm.
Comments?