Circo

Much like I’d thought, the cleaning did get done a lot quicker with my help. Terrance was slow as he’d said. His limbs creaked and he wheezed with each step he took, so I didn’t resent his lack of help.

The next morning, I woke up earlier than normal. I hadn’t slept that easily, which was something that was becoming more and more common as my time here at the circus continued.

I looked over to my left where Josie was soundly sleeping, her eyes closed and her lips slightly pouted, the lipstick she'd forgotten to remove the night before smeared across her cheek.

Slowly and quietly, I stood from my bed, quickly pulling on some clothes that were randomly strewn across the floor, before making my way out of the trailer, glancing at the digital clock as I did so.

05:24

Brushing my fingers through my hair to try and gain some control of it, I stepped out of the trailer and waited for a second on the step that led to the door, just taking in the scene around me. It was still dark due to the fact that it was just the beginning of December, but there was a slight glow from the sun that wasn’t far from rising as well as the slowly dissolving embers from the fire in the middle of the camp. I stepped onto the grass, and flinched slightly as my bare feet came into contact with the grass which was damp with morning dew, but I didn’t bother to go back and put any socks or shoes on.

Originally I’d decided to just sit on one of the seats around the now non-existent fire, but when I noticed a soft light coming from inside the tent that was to be taken down later today, I B-Lined straight towards it, curiosity consuming me.

When I got inside, the first thing I noticed was the shadow being cast along the roof, instantly drawing my eyes to the man hanging in the air from a single piece of silk, no harness, attempting to do all of the poses that he does in a normal show.

His movements were off, they weren’t at all perfect. They were stiff and rehearsed and looked nothing like what I’d seen of him the previous two shows I’d attended. His face, that normally wore that constant smirk, looked vulnerable, creases forming across his forehead as he concentrated on what he was doing, on not falling. This was not the Gerard that I’d grown used to over the past week or so. This, combined with my previous encounter with him last evening, was somewhat unnerving.

I watched quietly from the backstage entrance to the ring, for what must have been almost half an hour, before he reached out for the second piece of silk with his foot, twisting his limb in order for the material to wrap around his ankle. When however he tried to do another of his mid-air poses, something was off in his set up, and he fell.

My heart was in my throat and I would have screamed out if my vocals hadn’t have betrayed me, as I watched him fall from the material. It was almost happening in slow motion, and all I could see was his body, mangled across the floor, broken and bruised and bleeding.

I was caught off guard, however, by the loud and airy thud noise of his body impacting on the crash mat that I’d forgotten would even have been there.

“Fuck!” he cursed loudly, slamming his hands onto the mat as he sat up before putting his face into his hands and letting out another angry string of curses.

I knew he wouldn’t appreciate knowing that someone was watching him through his struggle, so without drawing attention to myself, I stepped out of the tent, and went out to the campsite, clearing up the empty bottles and other things that had been left lying around from the night before, only avoiding the needles, because in this place...who knows what I'd catch.

After my obsessive compulsive fix was seen to, I slouched into one of the chairs, taking in everything around me. Taking in what my life had become, when only two weeks ago I was floating through life doing the same thing every day. It could be said that, that concept fits with now, but at the same time, everything was random, unplanned. Even normal things that should stay the same just didn't, like where we live and eating time-tables. There have been meals that we’ve had to skip because Mr Way won’t give us any money and Stan can’t haggle anyone out of their money.

“Hey baby,” a deeply accented voice said from behind me, a hand coming to rest on my shoulder within seconds of the voice reacing my ears, the hand running from one shoulder to the other as she walked across to the chair next to me. “S’abit early for you ain’t it?” she asked, yawning into the sleeve of her dressing gown.
“I guess...” I muttered looking up at the as-close-to-motherly-as-it-gets-in-this-place face of Josie. “What time is it?”

“Just gone a quarter past six. How long you been up, honey?”

“Not long,” I lied, in reality I’d been up nearly an hour.

“God, that’s good,” she sighed. “You’d catch a cold quick as anything out here,” she muttered, pulling her dressing gown tighter around herself to keep the heat in. “What’ve you been doin’ out here?”

I was about to answer, but I was cut off unwillingly by another airy-thud and another long string of curses coming from inside the tent.

“What in the fuck was that?”

Straight away answering her question, Gerard stormed out of the tent, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. He didn’t even acknowledge us as he passed us and slammed his way into his caravan, the quiet sound of voices as the two Way brothers talked could be heard from outside.

Josie nodded and made a slight noise of understanding, before patting my shoulder once more and walking back to our shared trailer, leaving me again on my own in the silence.

There wasn’t much to see, but the sun was slowly rising, adding some more colours to my surroundings, as well as painting the sky a dramatic range of pinks and reds and oranges.

I smiled to myself as I heard my father’s voice in my head. Red sky at night, shepherds delight, red sky in the morning, shepherds warning.

When I was little, that meant nothing to me. It was just a happy rhyme that would refer to the sky, it seemed almost magical to me, almost as if this shepherd could magically tell when there was going to be a natural disaster or something amazing happening in the world....As I grew older though, I found out that it was instead a reference of sorts to the weather.

Of course it wasn’t accurate...it was just a rhyme after all...