Status: Rewrite currently happening. Watch this space.

Circo

TWENTY THREE

“I didn’t know who else to go to.” I sighed as I picked at the duvet beneath my fingers. I looked carefully around the trailer. I realised that I’d never been here before, and there was a vast difference between this one and the one that belonged to Josie, and now me.

Kate and Lou’s trailer wasn’t as luxurious as Gerard’s, but it was a hell of a lot cleaner than mine. It looked lived in and homely, and it kind of made me wonder how long they’d actually been in here. There were photos on make-shift shelves, and knick-knacks that had been picked up over the years scattered around. It was nice.

“Hey, that’s what I’m here for, baby.” Kate smiled. “Well, that and Circus skills.” She smiled. “So, what did you want to talk about? Or can I guess.” I bit my lip, and she scoffed. “It’s about Gerard isn’t it?”

“Am I that obvious?”

“A little, yeah.” She frowned. “What’s he done this time?”

“I don’t remember.” I bit my lip. “Just...ever since that party in the tent I’ve just...gotten butterflies in my stomach every time I’ve looked at him.”

“I did hear you got pretty drunk that night.” I rolled my eyes at her, because yes, I did, but that wasn’t helping my situation. “So, tell me everything. Because I thought there was Laurence?” She grinned, a tiny little smirk.

“I...yeah, there was Laurence, and Laurence was great but he was...he was a distraction, you know? My mum had just called, and I was feeling completely shitty about myself, and then there was Laurence who just...made me feel amazing.” I hesitated and looked up at Kate.

“So...you wanted to feel amazing? Why couldn’t you have gone to Gerard for that?” She asked.

I knew she didn’t particularly like Gerard, so it meant a lot to me that she was putting everything into my perspective as opposed to just pushing her opinions into it like everyone else would have done.

“I don’t know...He was there, and he knew something had happened because he came backstage and just...he held me. He held me like...like you only see in the movies. And I felt so safe I can’t even explain,” I muttered. “But I couldn’t have...Laurence was there, and it was...easier.”

Kate smirked. “You’re feeling something strong for Gerard.”

“I’m not!” I said defensively.

“Frankie, baby, think about it. Gerard was right there, and he’s not exactly the hardest person to get into bed, it’s...you know, like one of his jobs, and you had him in one of his emotion showing, caring moments, but you chose to spend the night with Laurence because you knew that you wouldn’t have to see him every single day afterwards, whereas with Gerard, you’d have to see him, which would be awkward because you love him. Are you following me?”

It was kind of amazing how Kate could talk like a wise old man and a fourteen year old girl at the same time.

“I don’t love him.”

“You feel strongly for him.”

I let out a distressed, strangled noise from the back of my throat and threw myself backwards onto the bed, covering my eyes with my arm. “I...no. I can’t. When he came to see me earlier, he was being all sweet and ‘it doesn’t mean no-one cares about you’ and he literally turned me to goo, but he kissed me, and...he’d been drinking.”

“Frankie, all I know is that I’ve known Gerard practically his whole life and I’ve never once since him act the way he does around you. He’ll never admit it, but he feels something for you too.”

“You think?”

“I’m pretty damn sure of it, baby.” She paused and put her hand on my knee. “But, like I said. He’d never admit it. Not even to you and I don’t want you getting hurt. And if it’s any consolation, Gerard is always drinking.”

“I won’t get hurt.” She didn’t look sure. “Kate, I won’t get hurt.”

She nodded uncertainly, and a silence dropped over the caravan.

“Hey Kate,” I asked curiously. She looked at me to show that I had her attention and I smiled a little. “Why aren’t you ever at any of the parties anymore?”

“Not my thing.” She said quickly.

“But you were there on that first night, you were drinking too.”

She looked away quickly. “Frankie, you can’t tell anyone this.”

“Okay.”

“I mean it.”

Okay!

She sighed and I sat up.

“I’m pregnant.”

“You’re what?”

“Pregnant.”

“I’m gonna have a little brother or sister?” I said happily, watching her smile and slap my arm.

“This is serious.”

“Does Lou know?”

“No he doesn’t, because I’m not keeping it.”

“You’re what?” I kind of almost couldn’t comprehend it. She wasn’t even giving this little baby a fighting chance. I was reminded bitterly of Gerard and his possible child.

“I can’t, Frankie. I...You don’t understand. To Mr Way the Circo is a machine—”

“As soon as one of the cogs stops meshing, game over.” I recited Gerard’s words.

“Yeah,” she frowned. “And, I’m supposed to be skinny, flexible. I can’t...I can’t take however many months off because of a baby bump, and who knows what shape I’ll be in when it’s all over. I have to stretch every day, or I get out of shape.”

“And that’s more important than a child?”

“Yes! If I have a baby, I’ll be kicked out of the Circo, and being kicked out of the Circo means I’ll have nothing, no home, no money, no nothing. How am I supposed to bring a child into that world?”

And she had a point. It was undeniable, but I still couldn’t believe that someone so caring would do something so...well, in my eyes cruel.

It just went to show how much control Mr Way and the Circo and everything about this life style really had.

As soon as one cog stopped meshing...game over.
♠ ♠ ♠
Hi mibba, hi mibba, hiiii!

Oh my goodness am I the worst, or what? I think the last update was...November! So much has happened since then. I've been doing my A-Levels, and going to uni interviews, and getting places at three different uni, and rejecting one (just because I could...) and then making sure that I get the grades for my unis. Goshhhhh.
I'm not going to use that as an excuse though, because the reason this hasn't been updated in ages is because I haven't been writing it. Simple as. But out of no-where today, I opened the file on my computer, and didn't feel disappointment, so I've started writing again. Hurrah!

I might post another chapter later on. We'll see how that goes, aha!

Lastly, I joined LJ a couple of months ago, and I'm loving it there and you should add me, because I like friendlings and also because I'm gonna start posting writing on there that I won't post here.