A Second Chance at a First Impression

He froze, he didn’t look at me, or Jon, he just kept his eyes locked on Oliver.

“I’m sorry to just spring this on you, but I couldn’t keep this from you any longer.” I told him, he was still static, his muscles were tensed, his jaw clenched. I couldn’t decipher whether he was angry or surprised or just confused.

“Anna’s party…?” he stated, with a hint of a questioning tone. In Senior Year at Anna Weston’s party we slept together in the guest room of her house.

“I’m guessing so.” I placed my hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner. I could only imagine what it would be like to be told you had a child.

His eyes were wide open, his brown pupils dilated. He put his hand on the door frame to steady himself; he had suddenly gone as white as a sheet. I led him back into the front room and sat him down. At some point Jon had come back in and sat down, he was flipping through an old TV Guide while sitting on the couch.

He looked up at us as we entered his eyes were hopeful. After looking at Brendon’s shocked expression, he got up and let him sit down.

The fear that had slowly been building up inside me was threatening to blow, the tears that were close to falling, I kept at bay. I didn’t want to cry in front of what were, in essence, two strangers.

Brendon sat down on the couch, wiping off his hands on his jeans before dropping his head into his waiting hands. “How can I be sure he’s mine?” he asked, his voice faltering slightly.

“Well…you’re, kinda, the only person I’ve ever had sex with…” I mumbled, a blush staining my cheeks.

“Oh,” he said, registering my embarrassment.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, his voice filled with hurt, and as I looked over at him I saw his eyes were filled with pain.

“I moved up here to go to NYU, but then I found out I was pregnant. By that time, you guys were everywhere, on MTV, on Fuse – I didn’t want to ruin that for you.”

“You should have told me.” He pleaded.

“You were doing so well for yourself, you guys were huge!” I exclaimed, trying to prove my point.

A small silence ensued; we just stood there, trying to avoid eye contact with each other. I felt sorry for Jon, having to stand here while there was such a personal moment going on.

“God, I’m so sorry…” he whispered, I could barely hear him.

“What on earth are you sorry for?” I asked, I really wasn’t sure.

“I’m sorry for not being here, for not helping you, for missing out on the first four years of his life.” He said, equally as quiet, hanging his head like he was ashamed by his actions.

“Don’t be, it’s my fault, I didn’t tell you. You haven’t done anything wrong.” I reassured him. I placed my finger in the dimple of his chin and raised his head up so he was looking me in the eye, “I just want you to be a part of his life – he needs a dad.”

He took my hand and held it gently in his, “as hard as it might be, I’ll be there for him…”

Just as we sat there, looking into each other’s eyes, I heard Oli crying. “Mommy!” he cried out. I quickly walked into his room and sat on his bed.

I pulled him on to my lap and hugged him tight, peppering his hair with kisses, “it’s okay honey. Do you want to come and meet somebody?”

He looked up at me, I smiled widely and he slowly nodded his head.

“Come on then soldier!” I heaved him up onto my hip and walked back into the living room. Jon and Brendon were sitting on the couch having a quiet chat.

When we entered the room, they both looked up and stared at us.

“Hi Jon!” Oli exclaimed, he was always good with new names and faces. They waved at each other and I went and sat next to Brendon on the couch.

“Oli, I want you to say hello to Bren.” He waved a small wave in his direction. “Hopefully, you’re going to be seeing a lot of Bren in the future.”

“Hello Bren,” he smiled.

“Hey Oli,” he waved, the smile on his face growing by the second.

After a minute they were laughing and joking, their similar sense of silly humour coming into play.

“Would anyone like a drink?” I rose, asking the three boys.

“Can I have some juice please, mommy?” Oli asked.

“Could I have a cup of coffee please?” Jon asked.

“Anything for you, Bren?”

“No thank you, but let me help you.” He said following me into the small green tiled room.

“He looks so much like me…” he said in amazement.

“He really does, just the way he is constantly reminds me of you.” I smiled. “I’m so glad you
took this so well.”

“It still hasn’t completely sunk it, but I think I’m starting to get used to it,” he grinned.