Baby, You're Not In Hell Any More

Two weeks had went by and I hadn’t seen Brian at all. I spent most of my time in my room. If I wasn’t laying in my bed for hours on end, then I was looking into the ocean. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I didn’t understand why he never came over any more. Was his frequent visits just a way to see if his suspicions were true? I hoped that it wasn’t that case, if so I would feel awful.

The silence and solitude was a good feeling. No sounds filled my ears. The screams from the people I loved, in my night terrors, never stopped. It had become a part of my life. I had to deal with it. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and red marks on my arm. It was a scary thing, but even though it scared me each and every time, I held my own. I would get a glass of water; then go back to sleep.

I was still in my night cloths and it was nearly four in the afternoon. I hadn’t eaten since he walked out the door. I wasn’t hungry, though my body was telling me otherwise. I ignored it’s pleads and went on to being alone. It was what I wanted all along and now that I have it, all I want to do is take back my confession two weeks ago. I wanted to act like nothing ever happened.

Matt and Val would poke their heads in ever so often to see if I was awake and every time I pretended to sleep, which only made me fall into the darkness of my tormented mind. I didn’t mind but once the dreams were of Brian, I stopped sleeping. I would keep myself up with any and everything.

I would draw, paint, sew, write and drink coffee by the gallons. My body was exhausted, which is why now I am laying in my bed, with the covers pulled close to my chin. I was shivering, though the blankets were warm, I couldn’t shake the feeling like something was coming. I took a shaky breath before my door opened.

I had lost hope of it being Brian long ago. Each and every time I would get my hopes up, I would be let down. I was tired of going through crying spells, leaving me emotionally and physically drained, I still did not sleep.

“Emily?” I heard a males voice ask, as who ever it was quietly shut the door behind them. I didn’t care to let my eye lids droop or to even look at my visitor. It wasn’t Brian, so I didn’t care. “I know you’re awake.” I felt the bed on my left side sink in.

I only turned my eyes over to see who ever it was. My green eyes were met with Matt’s worried ones. He looked rather sad and possibly worried. I turned my head to face him. I knew I looked bad. My hair wasn’t brushed, I was still in the same cloths that I put on the night after he left. I hadn’t showered. I let myself slip away.

“Emily.” Matt began stroking my cold, pale, clammy cheek with his warm hand. He sighed heavily and shook his head slightly. “What’s wrong? You’ve been like this for weeks.” Matt asked. He slipped under the covers and snuggled up to me. I flinched at the immediate affection. Matt sighed, I moved so I was closer to him, in hope to trap some of his body heat.

“It’s nothing.” I lied. Matt was like the brother I never had. I didn’t like not telling Matt the truth, but I didn’t want to break down, not like this. Not in front of him. I didn’t look up at him. I laid next to him, and looked at the ceiling. Though, I could feel his eyes on my face.

“Emily. I know what happened. I just need you to tell me what had happened, so I can help you. If you’d rather, you could tell me if I am right, so you don’t have to say it again.” Matt suggested getting out of my bed. I sat up and leaned against the wall behind my bed.

“What do you know?” I couldn’t help but be curious. I wanted to know what he thought was wrong with me. I had the right to know.

“Brian told me about your little confession.” A smile made its way on Matt’s face. He kissed the top of my head, still smiling.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I muttered as he did so. I didn’t want to be near or kiss Matt. I still had a one track mindset and it wasn’t going to be broken.

“I am going to fix it.” Matt said walking out of my room before I had a chance to object.

I didn’t know what Matt meant by what he said, but I had the feeling I was going to find out what it was. Sighing, I laid back on my bed, looking into the ocean. All of my hope had been erased, so how could Matt fix it? What did he even mean by that?