Baby, You're Not In Hell Any More
Chapter Twenty Six
You know what I hate; when you have to wait for something or someone. It’s a never ending cycle. You feel anxious until they get back and when they come, you feel relieved, depending on your next emotion is what information that person is carrying. So, waiting is never a good thing.
That’s what I did. I waited down stares looking at a blank television set. Matt and Val had both tried to come and talk to me, I didn’t even acknowledge their existence. They would occasionally poke their head in and look at me for a while, then leave. It was like I wasn’t in touch with reality; like I was stuck in my own head.
Brian had been gone for a few hours. I knew I was in a game, and was losing. Granted, we never slept together, so I am sure it is what they are doing at this moment, fucking like rabbits. I never had a chance. Matt walked in and looked at me, giving me a warm smile.
“Hey, don’t worry. He should be back soon.” Matt said giving me a thumbs up. When I didn’t smile, his fake smile faded and he sighed.
“I’m going for a walk.” I mumbled walking outside. I was back to where I was when I first started this quest from my old home, thousand’s of miles away. Me being the pessimistic bitch that I am, is right back where I started. Knocking on the devils door.
In many way’s, I knew I would never have a chance with Brian. He was a tall, dark, handsome man; whom also had a girl he wanted to marry at one point. Weather he did or not now, was unknown to me. I was just a girl lost in her mistakes and caught up in her small white lies. They boy’s has opened my eyes to many things. After being around them for a few day’s, the yearning to die, faded away but not entirely. I pushed it in the very corners of my mind, blocking out the thoughts, wanting to try to make myself think I was happy. I wasn’t. I don’t think I ever really was.
I walked down the street and saw a bridge crossing. The bridge went from one side of Matt’s neighborhood to the other half. I walked over the wooden bridge, feeling the cool air blow against my cheek. Twilight was coming, making everything look so surreal. I sat on the edge of the bridge, remembering.
The first time we met.
Our first fight.
Him chasing me all the way to the beach.
The time we fooled my Mother.
The time he left me.
The time when he didn’t come back.
The time he said he loved me.
The time he said he loved me and didn’t mean it.
The time he walked out on me, once again for Michelle.
I’m done.
I stood up and smelled the ocean in the air. The sun was setting and they wouldn’t come after me until I’ve been gone for too long. I knew better then that. I looked down at the deep ocean water that flowed under the bridge. I knew they would be sharp objects and rocks down there that could kill me; I wasn’t born yesterday. I dove into the water head first; not regretting my decision.
I had never been scared to die. I wasn’t scared of hurting the people that loved me. I just wanted to be in a better place. It wasn’t until my head slammed against the rock, I remembered my love for Brian. Wanting to fight for my survival and being able to do it are two are different things. I slipped into a black abyss.
That’s what I did. I waited down stares looking at a blank television set. Matt and Val had both tried to come and talk to me, I didn’t even acknowledge their existence. They would occasionally poke their head in and look at me for a while, then leave. It was like I wasn’t in touch with reality; like I was stuck in my own head.
Brian had been gone for a few hours. I knew I was in a game, and was losing. Granted, we never slept together, so I am sure it is what they are doing at this moment, fucking like rabbits. I never had a chance. Matt walked in and looked at me, giving me a warm smile.
“Hey, don’t worry. He should be back soon.” Matt said giving me a thumbs up. When I didn’t smile, his fake smile faded and he sighed.
“I’m going for a walk.” I mumbled walking outside. I was back to where I was when I first started this quest from my old home, thousand’s of miles away. Me being the pessimistic bitch that I am, is right back where I started. Knocking on the devils door.
In many way’s, I knew I would never have a chance with Brian. He was a tall, dark, handsome man; whom also had a girl he wanted to marry at one point. Weather he did or not now, was unknown to me. I was just a girl lost in her mistakes and caught up in her small white lies. They boy’s has opened my eyes to many things. After being around them for a few day’s, the yearning to die, faded away but not entirely. I pushed it in the very corners of my mind, blocking out the thoughts, wanting to try to make myself think I was happy. I wasn’t. I don’t think I ever really was.
I walked down the street and saw a bridge crossing. The bridge went from one side of Matt’s neighborhood to the other half. I walked over the wooden bridge, feeling the cool air blow against my cheek. Twilight was coming, making everything look so surreal. I sat on the edge of the bridge, remembering.
The first time we met.
Our first fight.
Him chasing me all the way to the beach.
The time we fooled my Mother.
The time he left me.
The time when he didn’t come back.
The time he said he loved me.
The time he said he loved me and didn’t mean it.
The time he walked out on me, once again for Michelle.
I’m done.
I stood up and smelled the ocean in the air. The sun was setting and they wouldn’t come after me until I’ve been gone for too long. I knew better then that. I looked down at the deep ocean water that flowed under the bridge. I knew they would be sharp objects and rocks down there that could kill me; I wasn’t born yesterday. I dove into the water head first; not regretting my decision.
I had never been scared to die. I wasn’t scared of hurting the people that loved me. I just wanted to be in a better place. It wasn’t until my head slammed against the rock, I remembered my love for Brian. Wanting to fight for my survival and being able to do it are two are different things. I slipped into a black abyss.
♠ ♠ ♠
The End.