Skeptics and True Believers

“Hey! Fuck you!”

“No, fuck you man!”

The cacophony of hostile voices blended well with the loud advertisements and blaring car horns from the rush hour traffic of New York City. It was quite the difference from the peaceful tranquility that seemed to be the normal for Huntington Beach. I had to admit that after being away from New York City for so long, I genuinely missed the hustle and bustle of the City. It seemed that I had grown more accustomed to the place than I thought. Standing on the street corner, waiting on my light to change during the middle of rush hour traffic, I found myself smiling at the feeling of being drowned out in the hectic, fast-paced personality of this distinct city. Though the contrast between Huntington and New York was pretty stark, I found that I enjoyed having to keep up with the city that was always on the move.

It had been nearly three months since I left Huntington Beach and I was finally settling back into a routine. I had gone back to my cousin’s apartment in the East Village and started to make a plan for what I should do next. Since I was gone for a lot longer than I initially thought, Wade had to find someone else to take over my responsibilities at the tattoo shop, which meant I needed to figure out a job for myself. Since that gig was meant to be temporary anyway, it just forced me to reassess what I should be doing for my career instead of just working a job. Luckily, I was able to find some other opportunities for photo shoots thanks to the contacts that I had made out in California. Deciding that photography was something I really wanted to pursue, I made myself a website offering my services as a freelancer, which meant that I was often busy between the professional gigs in the fashion world as well as the private wedding ceremonies and important milestones on the weekends. By throwing myself in to the work, I was able to focus more on my passion than dwell on the things I missed most about my time in California.

The first week back in New York was a difficult adjustment period where I was continually questioning my decision to return to the East Coast. Between having to adjust to the radically different temperament of New York versus Southern California and trying to figure out my next move to afford food for myself, I found that I missed the ease with which I could get a hold of my friends over there. I missed Zacky’s unannounced visits into my home or the fact that I could gather the girls for a lazy day watching movies and drinking margaritas. Despite the fact that I was constantly calling anyone over there that would talk to me when I was in need, I still struggled with trying to combat the loneliness I felt being away from them. Though things were just slightly more challenging due to phone calls in different time zones, I was happy that I was able to keep in touch with the group this time. It wasn’t nearly as difficult as the last time I was separated from them because this time, I didn’t fear anyone knowing where I was.

My reason for hiding in the shadows was gone.

After our last encounter at Zacky’s house before I left for New York, Brian hasn’t tried to contact me again, which I was grateful for. For the first few nights in New York, I rehashed the last conversation we had together when I gave him the divorce papers over in my mind. There was so much about that conversation that I wish had gone differently. I wished I had asked different questions, said different things, kept some of my admissions to myself instead of laying myself bare at the feet of the one person that had such a magnetic hold on me. After all was said and done however, I knew that I had made the right choice even though I was swimming in doubt my first few days back in New York. Cutting him completely out of my life now was the best course of action. It was easier to forget just how much I loved him and move on.

Whenever I called anyone in Huntington, we talked about anything other than Brian. After the fallout from my going away party, they all seemed to understand how difficult it was for me to deal with anything related to Brian Haner. He was the only subject that never came up in conversation so I didn’t even know anything about him unless I read about it online. I would have to force myself to stay away from his social media presence or news about the band that didn’t come from one of the other guys. I think the hardest part about my return to Huntington for those few brief months was wrapping my head around the fact that now that I had finally ended things between us, it was really over.

Adjusting my bag over my shoulder, I started to cross the street with the throngs of people on their way to one of the many diversions provided by New York. I was currently on my way to Brody’s apartment so that we could get together for some drinks before heading out for a typical Saturday night. Brody has really become a rock for me upon my return to the city, allowing me to crash on his couch for several nights while I tried to re-acclimate myself to the New York hustle. There were many nights where he’d basically stay in with me on the couch, watching silly rom-coms while we cuddled rather than going out like we had previously. He was incredibly patient with me, which I appreciated since it was taking longer than I would’ve liked to piece myself back together. I really don’t think I would’ve lasted more than a week in New York without Brody Redgrave to keep me company.

It wasn’t long before I finally reached Brody’s building, using the key he gifted me for “emergency purposes” that usually consisted of delivering booze or providing hair assistance, and walked up the three flights of stairs toward his apartment. Earlier in the day, we had made plans to go out to see He Is Legend in Brooklyn, which I was really excited about. Considering it had been a long while since I’d been to a show, I was ready to go out and enjoy a night of music, especially since it was also part of a work gig where I could take some pictures of the show. I would get to take some awesome pictures but also, get back into the swing of things with the New York City night life.

As I approached Brody’s front door to his apartment, I was caught off guard by the loud music seeping through the wood and into the hallway. I knew I was a little early but since Brody knew that we had plans, I let myself into the apartment, hearing nothing but the music coming from inside. I had tried to call out my presence as a warning only to be drowned out by electronic beat of Depeche Mode songs playing through the speakers in the living room. As I made my way further into the room, I headed toward the kitchen to put the beer and liquor away, only to stumble upon Brody and his girlfriend, Natalie, inflagranti on the kitchen counter. Based on their state of undress and the fact that they were continuing with their synchronized assault on one another’s lips, I knew I had to make my presence known to make it stop before they got carried away and continued even further.

Clearing my throat, I asked with uncertainty, “Um, guys? Should I come back or are you two nearly done with your grope fest?”

The couple tore themselves away from one another, pausing in their make out session once they heard my intrusion on their private moment. Brody was currently half dressed and entangled with a beautiful brunette, who seemed to be missing her shirt and pants. The woman had her legs wrapped around Brody’s torso, locking him in place as he had her laid back on the countertop. Brody’s face was covered in smudged faint pink lipstick, making me smirk in amusement at how haphazard he looked at the moment. The half-naked woman flashed a sheepish smile, letting her fingers untangle from Brody’s spiky hair as both of them realized they were no longer alone in the apartment.

The whole atmosphere was completely awkward and embarrassing though it was not my first time walking in on the couple so it shouldn’t have been wholly unexpected.

“Delilah, here so soon?” Brody asked with a confident grin.

“I told you I would be here within the hour when I texted you,” I smirked, folding my arms across my chest. “It’s like you two wanted to get caught.”

“Well, you know us,” Brody said with a sarcastic shrug, “just a couple of exhibitionists waiting for an audience.”

“Though this show’s not for free,” Natalie said as she slid off the counter. “I charge a small fee for spectators.”

“Brody, I think you found yourself a winner here,” I laughed, shaking my head at Natalie’s comment. “You seemed to find someone with our sense of humor.”

“Your approval means a lot,” Natalie beamed, slipping her pants back on.

“Well, I brought some liquor for tonight,” I said, placing the whiskey and beer on the counter the couple was previously occupying.

“Excellent! I think I have some Coke for chaser,” Brody said, wandering to the fridge, still shirtless, and looking through his beverage options.

“Ok, you prep the first round and I’ll go change the music to something that doesn’t want to entice a threesome,” I laughed, heading towards the living room.

“Like you would actually join us in a threesome! I couldn’t even get you to bang me before I was in a relationship so why would you want me now?” Brody scoffed.

“Babe, she doesn’t want you,” Natalie said, offering me a playful wink as I left the kitchen.

“I love her more than you do Brods!” I yelled over the top of the loud music.

“Get your own awesome girlfriend! This one’s mine!” Brody yelled.

Shaking my head at the conversation, I walked over to the stereo system and started flipping through the selection of artists on Brody’s iPod, trying to find something that would set the mood for the evening. After finally stumbling on something decent, I hit the play button, allowing the opening track from Head Automatica’s debut album. Nodding my head along to the infectious drum beat, I found myself dancing back to the kitchen, singing along to the words. Brody and Natalie watched me as I entered the room, noticing that I had started performing the song for them with my impromptu karaoke session.

“It looks like I might have to take you out dancing with the way you’re showing off your moves in my kitchen,” Brody laughed, holding out an opened beer to me.

Grabbing the bottle, I took a large swig of the amber liquid, relishing the taste before converting the bottle into my microphone to sing the last lines of the song, “I said come on, you’re telling me to see the truth even with my eyes sewn up! I said come on! You’re telling me to see the truth even with my mouth sewn shut!”

As the album rolled into the next song, I leaned myself against the counter, breathing heavily at the amount of effort I had just put into singing along. Natalie quietly slid a shot glass filled with whiskey my direction, offering a shy smile. Giving her a small wink, I took another swig of beer as Brody set a can of Coke in front of me. It seemed that everyone was armed with shots, ready to kick off the night’s pre-party rituals. Grabbing the glass, I held it in my hand, waiting for Brody to make his usual toast.

“It’s fucking Saturday night and we’re going to a show! Here’s to the weekend warriors! I expect you all to keep up with my white hot moves on the dance floor,” Brody said.

“Pfft, what white hot moves?” Natalie playfully scoffed.

“You don’t even know! You’ve not been out dancing with all of this,” Brody laughed, gesturing to his half naked body.

“Two things,” I interjected, holding up two fingers for emphasis, “One, your moves are not nearly as hot as mine so that’s the reality you have to swallow. Two, are we taking these fucking shots or not?”

“I’m not taking shots with you haters,” Brody huffed, leaving the kitchen.

Shrugging my shoulders, I held my glass out towards Natalie, who happily clinked the two together in a cheers. We both threw back our respective shots, the liquor burning its way down my throat and into my stomach. I let out a breath before killing the taste of the liquor with the open Coke that Brody placed on the counter earlier. Natalie seemed to follow my actions, placing the back of her left hand up to her lips for a moment.

“God, that’s rough,” she said, coughing a little.

“I forgot that whiskey isn’t your first choice when it comes to drinking,” I said.

“That’s alright,” she shrugged. “I’m such a lightweight anyway that after I finish this beer, I’ll be good to go for the night.”

“Count your blessings that it doesn’t take much to get you drunk. Sometimes I worry that Brody and I go a little overboard sometimes.”

“That’s alright. I can supervise and make sure you two stay out of jail.”

“God, what do you see in Brody? You’re too good for him,” I laughed.

“She just likes me for my body,” Brody said, walking into the kitchen holding an array of shirts.

“It’s true,” Natalie said, nodding. “It’s purely for his body. Not everyone has that perfect two-pack and girlish figure.”

“Delilah prefers big manly men,” Brody said, looking over his shirt options. “You know, big muscly men who could break her in half. That’s why Johnny never stood a chance to be your rebound you know,” he laughed.

“Johnny never stood a chance to be my rebound because he’s too much like my brother. I know way too much about him that all the sex appeal is gone,” I smiled.

“If that’s true then why are you so keen on this threesome here?” Brody asked, gesturing amongst the three of us in the kitchen.

“I’ve already told you, I’m not interested in you,” I replied, sending a playful wink at Natalie.

“I hate to say it Brody but it might just turn into a twosome,” Natalie said, slowly approaching, grabbing my hand with hers. “What do you think?”

“I think this is bullshit!” Brody whined. “You’re my girlfriend! You’re supposed to hit on me, not Delilah.”

“I didn’t realize that you got so jealous Brody,” I laughed, shaking my head at his juvenile behavior. “This is a whole new side to you I’ve not seen before and it’s adorable. You should’ve gotten a girlfriend long ago.”

“You sound like my mother,” Brody said aghast at the suggestion.

“So, we’re going to a show tonight in Brooklyn, right? Who are we seeing?” Natalie asked curiously.

“We’re going to see He Is Legend. They’re kind of like Southern rock meets post-hardcore,” I explained. “I just like the fast guitars and the growling vocalist. They’re one of Brody’s favorites though so I figured he would want to go to a somewhat local show.”

“Hell yeah I do! The only other time I saw them live was when their first album came out so I’m fucking pumped for tonight,” Brody grinned, finally slipping a shirt on his naked torso. “Fuck it, I’m gonna put their album on now.”

Brody disappeared from the kitchen once again as I shook my head at his antics, taking another sip of beer. Natalie also slowly drank from her own bottle of beer, leaning against the counter casually. When I first met Natalie Collins, I wasn’t really sure what to think because she looked so much like the “girl next door” type with her beautiful brown hair and soft features. From how Brody first described her to me, I thought she would be a little intimidated to be around Brody and me, especially since our personalities together were usually more than the average person could handle but she held her own against our usual banter. It didn’t take long before she and I became friends. I could see why Brody liked her. She was more the quiet and observant type, allowing Brody to expound all the energy he needed to while she just watched and pulled him back when he took things too far. The two of them seemed to compliment each other well, since they each had things the other lacked and it made me happy that Brody had finally settled down.

“Since you were going to take pictures tonight, I threw your camera on the charger this morning since Brody forgot to do it last night,” Natalie said.

“Oh, thank you! I need to just bring my camera with me instead of leaving it here with Mr. Reckless with Electronics over there,” I laughed.

“Brody would forget to leave the house with underwear if I didn’t remind him to wear it,” she smiled.

“Well I’m glad that you took over that job because I hated that job,” I said. “Half the time, he refused to wear it even when I picked it out for him.”

Brody walked back into the kitchen, playing air guitar along with “The Seduction” that had started to play from his speakers in the other room. Natalie and I just watched silently as Brody was in his own little world, playing air guitar and growling along with the lyrics of the song without a care in the world. I just grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the middle of the counter and started to pour the next round of shots, shaking my head at his willingness to act like a fool. I always wondered how he was able to act so outlandishly without completely embarrassing himself. It was something about Brody that I really admired.

“I’m so fucking ready for tonight!” Brody said, slamming his hands against the counter and throwing back the whiskey shot I had just poured for him.

“I can see that,” I said skeptically, slowly taking my own shot of booze.

“Well, I’m excited though I’ve not been to many shows before. I am concerned about it getting a little rough in the crowd but we’ll be ok, right?” Natalie asked.

“Well, your boy toy will probably go into the crowd, possibly into the pit if he gets the opportunity,” I started to say as Brody interjected with a “fuck yeah” before I continued, “Don’t worry. We’ll be well enough away from the ruffians in the crowd thanks to my hook up with the magazine.”

“That’s good. The last show I went to, I had a crowd surfer land on top of me and give me a bloody nose. That was not a pleasant experience,” Natalie said with a slight grimace.

“I can imagine,” I said, shaking my head at the thought.

“Oh!” Brody jumped, pausing in his actions, “I’m vibrating.”

“Now I know the real reason why Natalie keeps you around,” I laughed.

“It comes in handy,” Natalie laughed, taking a sip of beer.

“I’ve got those skills,” Brody laughed, fishing the ringing phone from his front pocket. He looked at the screen, holding it out to answer the video call, “Brody’s BDSM Brothel, we supply all the pain and the pleasure as long as you provide the safe word.”

“What the hell is the safe word?” I heard Val ask though laughter.

“It’s something no man would ever utter,” Brody said seriously. “This is why it’s the safe word. No one would ever dream of saying it so the fun can keep going!”

“Hey Val!” I laughed, shouting a bit to be heard over the music and Brody’s explanation. I made my way closer to Brody, finally seeing her face on his screen. “What are you doing calling Brody of all people?”

“Rude,” Brody scoffed, rolling his eyes at my comment.

“Hey Delilah!” she waved. “Well, I tried calling you but you weren’t answering your phone so I was forced to call Brody, since you two are usually joined at the hip.”

“Shit, I left my phone in my bag in the living room before I caught these two crazy kids making out in the kitchen,” I said, shaking my head at my own negligence.

“Hey, at least I knew enough to call Brody,” she said.

“Well, what’s up? I’m hoping you’re not calling me with some kind of emergency,” I said taking another sip of the dwindling beer in my hands.

“Not an emergency. No one has died or been hospitalized yet, though Rena was threatening to send Zacky to the ER this morning,” she laughed.

“Zacky came home drunk again, didn’t he?” Brody asked knowingly.

“Not just that but he passed out in the front yard of the house, half naked. She went out there and found him like that and threatened to give him a world of hurt if he didn’t get his ass back into the house,” Val explained.

“Wow, he hasn’t done something like that in a while,” I said with slight concern. “I hope everything is ok.”

“Well, the guys went out last night for a celebration,” Val said vaguely.

“Did Johnny finally find himself a girlfriend?” I joked.

Shaking her head, Val responded, “No, there’s no way that they’d be out celebrating that by just going to the bar.”

“Well, are you gonna keep us in suspense or are you gonna share with the class? You look like you know more than you’re letting on,” Brody said, pointing a finger accusingly at his phone screen.

“Well, I do have something to tell you guys,” Val said coyly.

“Tell us!” I insisted impatiently.

“Ok, I’ll tell you, or just show you,” she said, lifting her hand up so it was visible to the screen.

“Oh my God!” I exclaimed, clamping my free hand over my gaping mouth. “Is that a ring on your delicate finger?!”

Val nodded vigorously, unable to hide her smile, “Matt proposed to me about an hour ago.”

“Oh honey, congrats! I’m happy for the two of you,” I gushed.

“Matt’s a lucky man to snatch you up like that!” Brody smiled.

“Did you know this was happening or was it a total surprise?” I asked.

“I didn’t realize it was happening today. He totally surprised me out of the blue,” she said, looking at her ring with admiration. “I’m so freaking happy Dee.”

“I can see it from the look on your face!” I giggled.

“When’s the happy day supposed to be?” Brody asked.

“Well, we’re not looking to do anything too over the top so we’re trying to get things arranged quickly before the guys head back into the studio. I’m guessing it’ll be happening in the next few months,” she said.

“Wow, that’s not a lot of time,” Natalie said from her spot away from the screen.

“Yes, that’s true person I’m unfamiliar with,” Val said with confusion.

“Oh, Val, this is my girlfriend, Natalie. Natalie, this is Val, now fiancé to Matt Sanders of Avenged Sevenfold,” Brody said as he pulled his girlfriend closer to us so that she was visible to the screen.

“Oh, so you’re the one that tamed Brody?” Val said with a smile.

“Nobody’s tamed me! I’m a wild beast,” Brody protested.

“Look dude, you know your ass was domesticated by this lovely lady here. Just accept it,” I told him, patting his shoulder comfortingly.

“I just can’t lose my street cred,” Brody said.

“I don’t think you had any street cred to begin with. That was my street cred that you were using,” I laughed.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you too Val and congratulations,” Natalie said, turning the conversation back to the person on the phone.

“Thank you, Natalie. I appreciate it,” she beamed back. “Now, I’m calling to let you know the news so that you come back to Huntington for the wedding,” Val continued, directing her last comment at me.

“Of course I would come back for the wedding! There’s no way I could miss out on my oldest friends tying the knot,” I said as if it was obvious.

“Good because I was actually wondering if you would take pictures of the wedding for us. I mean, what I really want is for you to be a bridesmaid but I also don’t trust anyone else with getting pictures of our day the way I know you will,” she explained.

“Look, I know in my heart, I’ll always be one of your bridesmaids, even if I’m not up there with the rest of them. I would love to take the pictures at your wedding! You didn’t even have to ask, you know. I was probably going to show up and just start taking pictures anyway,” I laughed.

“Well good because I know you’ll get the best shots of everyone. You always had a way of capturing candid, intimate moments of everyone with your camera,” Val said. “Of course, Brody, you and your lovely lady are also on the list for invitations for the wedding,” she said, looking to Brody and Natalie.

“Great because we were coming with Delilah whether we were invited or not,” Brody replied.

“That’s what I figured,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Well, I know you guys are heading out since it’s Saturday night but I wanted to share my news with you. I’ll give you a call in a few days once things settle down,” she said.

“You mean when you and Matt finally emerge from your bedroom after all that celebration sex,” I said knowingly, offering her a playful wink.

“Well, if you want to be blunt about it, then yes,” she laughed.

“Don’t let us hold you back then. Go forth and show that man why he put a ring on it!” Brody said.

Laughing, I shook my head at Brody’s statement, “Look, go have fun and we’ll start talking wedding plans soon. Maybe conference in with the rest of the girls?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Val nodded. “I’ll talk to you guys later! Have fun tonight!”

We finished saying our goodbyes and offering congratulations to Val before ending the phone call. I went to refresh my beer while Brody poured the next round of shots. Hearing that Matt and Val were getting married, I couldn’t help but feel just slightly envious of their relationship. They had been a couple since right before my failure of a marriage to Brian so the fact that they were taking the next step forward while my romantic life seemed to have imploded all those years ago left me feeling just a little bitter. I found myself selfishly wondering why it didn’t seem to work out for me but everyone else around me hd no problems in that department.

“Delilah, you like you’re not having good thoughts,” Brody said, sliding the shot glass full of whiskey to me.

“Oh, I’m fine,” I said dismissively, shaking my head of my own negativity.

“Look, I know you just left Huntington because it was too difficult to be there anymore and now you’ll have to go back for the wedding but at least you won’t be alone.” Brody offered, trying to reassure me. “Natalie and I are gonna be there for you.”

Natalie nodded, “Yeah. It’s a little weird to be going to a stranger’s wedding but I’ll be there for moral support.”

“Thanks guys,” I sighed. “I guess I’m just not sure if I’m really ready to go back after how things ended with me and Brian. I’m sure I’ll have to deal with him since he’s sure to be one of Matt’s groomsmen.”

“Look, don’t think about him,” Brody said, patting my shoulder. “You have months to prepare yourself to see Haner again so I wouldn’t worry about it too much right now.”

“You’re right,” I said with a small smile. “This wedding won’t be for a few months so I’m sure I can pull myself together in time for that.”

“Besides, you know you’re always welcome to join us as our joint wedding date,” Natalie smiled.

“Oh, you want me to be the third wheel?” I joked.

“Look, we already know that you’re happy being the third wheel, especially since you keep trying to take my girlfriend from me,” Brody smirked.

“You just need to stop fighting the inevitable,” I argued. “We will be together one day.”

“I guess as long as I can get that on film, I wouldn’t mind,” Brody said, taking his shot.

“Like I offered to Delilah earlier, I allow spectators for a small fee,” Natalie said with a smile.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Brody sighed, fondly staring at Natalie.

“I can always vacate the room if you need to carry on with your sexual exploits from earlier,” I offered, sipping my beer. “We still have time before the show.”

“We’ll go ahead and put that on hold for now,” Natalie said. “If we get started again, we may not leave the apartment and we’ll miss the show tonight.”

“Alright, it’s time to focus!’ Brody said, shifting the attention back to him, “We’re going to push aside thoughts of going to Huntington because first, we’re going to Brooklyn to see an awesome show and then I’m taking my favorite ladies out for the night until we’ve worn holes in our dancing shoes. I’m commanding everyone to have fun tonight!’

“Alright Captain Fun Times,” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes at his comment. “We’ll have fun tonight. Don’t worry.”

The night seemed to pick up from there as we continued to listen to music and get a little tipsy in Brody’s apartment. As I listened to Brody and Natalie’s argue over how we planned to get to the show tonight, I found my thoughts drifting back to the idea of returning to Huntington Beach once again. Though I really missed it there, I really had no desire to go back. I knew that once I was back there, I would have to deal with the one thing that I had been able to avoid since I left. I managed to cut myself off completely from Brian but now that I was going back, there would be no avoiding him. Despite my earlier declarations of being ok with going back, I found that I was actually nervous. I didn’t know anything about his life since I left and I didn’t want to know. I was still working to get over my feelings for him but failing miserably.

Brody had been right, however. This wedding wasn’t more another few months, which meant I still had time to get myself prepared. I had to force myself to forget about Brian and be there for my friends. There was no way of knowing how I would be once the wedding finally happened either. Surely it wouldn’t be that hard to finally put Brian in the past and enjoy the wedding. The idea of returning to Huntington for a wedding was not lost on me either. A wedding had pushed me away from my home once and now, a wedding was going to pull me back to the place that used to feel like home. It was such a cruel irony.