Skeptics and True Believers

I stepped out onto the sidewalk of my new home, taking in the smell of the city as I stood in the chilly autumn air. I took a deep breath, letting the cold air inflate my lungs before turning up the music on my iPod, nodding my head cheerily along to the Kaiser Chiefs. I gazed at the warm skies above, the sun shining on the large trees planted in the sidewalks, sprouting leaves of green, amber, and dark red. There was light breeze that swept across my face, making me wrap myself up tighter in my black pea coat as I walked down the street on my way to work.

I never thought I would wind up in New York City upon my return to the states but I guess I couldn't be kept away. I missed being in America too much to stay hidden away in the other half of the world any longer. At least I got a chance to explore the world at a young age. It was the one and only good thing that I seemed to get out of my wedding. Though I missed Huntington more than anything, I couldn't risk moving back there. From what I had read, the band still lived there and I couldn't risk the chance of running into him again. I had moved past all that and started over once again. I was living my new life and enjoying everything that came my way.

For the last five years, I had been bouncing around from place to place in all of Europe and part of Asia, mainly due to my plane's one transfer stop in London. My real intention was to travel to London, rather than Paris, anyway to find my father, who hasn't been in my life since my mother's death when I was a young girl.

They were teenagers when she got pregnant with me. They got married at a young age soon after she found out she was pregnant with me and moved into a crappy apartment in Oak Park. They made it work for a while until she got sick with tuberculosis when I was six. She contracted it from one of her patients she had in the hospital where she worked and ignored her symptoms until they had already become too severe to treat. My father was so devastated by her death and couldn't take care of me like he should have so he shipped me off with my aunt and uncle in Southern California while he stayed behind in Sacramento.

When I left California five years ago, I heard that he was living in London and working at some big corporation so I decided to drop in and see him, hoping he would be able to help me. Finding him was easy since I had one of his letters in my purse from when I wrote to him about my wedding. He told me that he was concerned that I was planning on getting married at such a young age but was happy with my decision if this was what I really wanted. I should've heeded his concern. I found him living with a new family, playing the perfect father role when I turned up at his house in nothing but my wedding gown, feeling like even more of a castaway than I had in Huntington.

My dad was more than willing to help after a long conversation with him and his new wife, Sonia, who actually wasn't as bad as I envisioned. He set me up with some cash only gigs so I wouldn't leave a paper trail for Brian to locate me and paid me an allowance, which allowed me to travel all throughout Europe. I was grateful that my dad was willing to help me now, even though I had made a huge mistake. He told me he understood how it felt to make mistakes that lead to regret, which is why he was willing to help me now. One of the biggest regrets of his life was not coming back for me when he actually had the time to grow up and take responsibility.

So for the next five years, I wandered throughout Europe, seeing the different countries and working cash gigs as a photographer. I went to all the different places: Paris, Milan, Munich, Helsinki, Manchester, Venice, and any other major city in Europe. It was an interesting experience to see all those different places in a span of three years. I usually lived out of cheap hotels or spent my time with the family and friends I had scattered throughout the continent until I was offered a trip to Japan with a cousin of mine, which I gladly accepted.

I wound up in Tokyo for the last year and a half of my journey, exploring the Japanese culture and staying with some people in the J-Rock scene that I met. I became particularly chummy with the guys in the band, D'espairsRay, who let me stay with them for a while during my stay. I became really good friends with their vocalist, Hizumi, and the bass player, Zero. It wasn't long in my stay in Japan, however, until I started missing the states. There was something about just being thrust into a country with little diversity that made me miss my home so I decided that after a year and a half stint in Tokyo, I would move back to the states.

Upon my move back, I decided that a name change was in order, since I didn't want to show up on anyone's radar. As far as everyone in Huntington was concerned, I was dead and they were free to move on with their lives just like I was. I changed my name to Casey Delilah Spiegel so I was able to still go by Delilah. I liked my first name too much to get rid of it completely. In many ways, having this new name transformed me into a totally different person. I had gotten rid of the past with this name, able to live freely in Manhattan without worries. It was really refreshing.

I continued my long walk along the sidewalk amongst the other New Yorkers, trying my best not to run into anyone. Though this wasn't exactly southern California, I still grew to like it. For the last six months, I've been living in the East Village with one of my cousin, Traci, who was attending school at NYU, while I got onto my feet. I didn't have to worry about rent since her parents were paying for the apartment and everything so that was nice. All I had to do was buy my own amenities like food and clothing. I was glad that I had family around that was still kind to me, especially after disappearing for so long. It was good to know that there were some people I could depend on after all.

The one good thing about living in the East Village was that it didn't take me long to get to my job at Ink Sparks, which was a local tattoo parlor that had a big reputation for producing some of the best tattoos by the most talented artists in all of New York. I worked the front desk as their daytime receptionist, which surprisingly paid very well. I wasn't complaining about getting paid a lot of money to just answer the phones and book appointments with artists.

I pulled the door open to the familiar shop, seeing that everyone was already getting set up for the day. The shop itself was pretty big compared to most spaces in the city, black tiled floors and dark red walls covered in posters of different bands that our owner, Wade, was a big fan. It looked like a classic heavy metal shop with all the different posters up of Ozzy Osbourne and Pantera. One of the reasons I loved working here was because it was so driven by music from the scene. It reminded me of spending time with Matt and Zacky back in Huntington, listening to metal and punk in their rooms while playing air guitar. I guess I liked that it still reminded me a bit of home.

"Hey Lila," one of the artists, Blix, said with a nod.

Blix was the person responsible for landing me a job at the shop in the first place. I was wandering around near Alphabet City when he and I ran into each other. We got to talking about tattoos, since he really liked the dragon I had down the left side of my body, and I told him that I was looking for a place to get some more work done. He told me that he worked as a tattooist and that he would hook me up so he did, tattooing the small blue cresset moon and star behind my left ear. He introduced me to Wade, who told me that if I needed a job, he would love to have me. If I remember his words exactly, he said the shop was "too much of a sausage fest these days".

"Mornin' Blix," I smiled. "How's the world today?"

"You would know better than me. You're the one that's traveled a lot," he winked.

"Ah, you know what I mean dork," I laughed, setting my bag behind the receptionist desk.

"It's pretty good you know. Cath is pretty excited about the baby, you know, so that's pretty awesome," he laughed.

"And how are you feeling about having a baby?" I asked him seriously.

"Oh I'm stoked," he grinned automatically. "I can't wait to have a little person of my own that will grow up to terrorize the neighborhood," he chuckled.

"Every father's dream," I laughed, rolling my eyes.

"Just wait until you start a family and then you'll know what I'm talking about," he grinned.

'If you only knew about how that turned out…' I thought to myself.

"Oh leave her alone Blix. She's still young and has all the time in the world to settle down and start a family," Regan said with a smile on her face.

"Ah, shut up Regan. She knows I'm not pressuring her or anything," Blix said.

"Lila, don't you listen to him alright? There are just some girls who enjoy partying way too much to settle down in their prime," she winked. "And I know that you're on that list with me."

"Oh you know it!" I smiled, turning around to the stereo behind me to crank up the Iggy Pop that was playing.

Everyone in the shop cheered, nodding their heads along to the music as they continued getting ready for the day. I started setting things up on my desk, pulling out the big, black appointment book from the draw and opening it up to today's date.

For a Saturday, we were sure busy with back-to-back clients lined up for most of the day. This was the kind of thing Wade, my main boss, really enjoyed because he loved tattoos and loved having a busy shop. It was always a dream of his to own his own shop one day, ever since he started out as an apprentice for some big time shop in San Diego. The one thing he loved more than anything else was tattooing, which he rarely did these days because he was always busy with running the shop. The one time you could see Wade happy was when he was sitting in a chair with a blank canvas of flesh to tattoo.

The door opened and in walked a tall, slightly built kid in tight, dark denim, girl jeans that were sagged down a bit around his butt and a black Alkaline Trio shirt on. His long, razor-cut hair looked windswept on top of his head, sticking up in different directions but still covering his grey-blue eyes. He had full sleeves of colorful ink on his arms and a few different tattoos on his neck as well as huge gages in his ears. He walked in with a huge grin on his face when he spotted me.

"Lila!" he cheered, rushing over to me.

"Brody!" I laughed, giving him a hug.

Brody Redgrave was a guy that I met at the shop who helped Wade with some of the business stuff he had to do. Out of all the people in the shop, Brody was my favorite because he was my age and shared all the same interests I did. He was just another guy that enjoyed to party and listen to music just as much as I did so on most of my nights out, he was my enabler. If there was someone I could count on to cheer me up or to get me psyched up about something then that person was Brody.

"It's been like forever since I've seen you girl!" he said as he picked me up and spun me around.

"We just saw each other down at Cyclone last night," I laughed.

"That's right! You were the one that got up on the bar and did that whore dance for all the drunken guys," he chuckled.

"You told me to get up there! You said if I did that then we would get free beer for sure!" I laughed.

"Well, that was hot either way," Brody winked. "And we did get that free beer."

"Not to mention all those guys hitting on me all night long!" I grumbled.

"Oh you liked the attention. Don't lie."

"Alright, maybe I did," I sighed with a small smile.

"So, how's it lookin' today?" he asked, following me back to the desk.

"Pretty full. I think everyone's at least got four or more clients each," I replied, placing the book up on the counter for him to see.

"That's good to hear. I'm sure Wade will be happy with that," he nodded, examining the appointments in the book. "What's on Wade's agenda today?" he asked, glancing up at me.

"Oh he said something about a meeting at his kid's school about the honor roll or something so he won't be in until later," I told him as he smiled.

"So basically, I get to sit around and be lazy all morning until he decides to show up?" he asked.

"Like you don't do that anyway when he's here," Blix mumbled from his station.

"Ah shut up Blix! I work hard!" he argued.

"I'm sure you do," Blix replied, rolling his eyes at the younger man.

"What exactly is your job anyway Brody?" Regan asked.

"I'm like a manager of sorts," he said proudly, puffing up his chest. "I make sure you're all kept in line."

"Oh what bullshit," I scoffed. "Like you have to keep us in line."

"I know! You're the one that's running around and actin' a fool," Regan laughed.

"You're all just jealous cuz I'm that much cooler than you are!" Brody said in a juvenile tone.

"Whatever," I laughed, shaking my head. "Let's just open this bitch already."

"Yeah Mr. Manager! If you're the one that's in charge then you would know that we should have the sign flipped already so that the poor clients that are milling around out there can walk in," Blix laughed.

"You guys suck. You're killing my buzz," Brody grumbled as he stomped over to the front door.

I shook my head and got to work, making the necessary calls to set up appointments with Wade and some local businesses in the neighborhood. The shop soon filled up with people who were looking to get appointments with some of our artists as well as some regular clients. Saturdays weren't usually as busy as they had been this morning but I figured that either way, it was good for the business and the steady flow of people was enough to keep me busy.

I spent most of my morning, making and answering phone calls, handling the payments for people's tattoos, and organizing the take-home-aftercare kits for them. Brody helped me with getting the instructions bundled up with the kits while I handled their payments. Whenever we had the chance, Brody and I would goof around behind the desk, dancing around to the music that played or by playing epic games of hangman on the back of old order forms. There wasn't much to do when we were waiting around for the clients to finish their tattoos so we had to find ways to amuse ourselves in the small downtime we had.

"So it seems that Killswitch Engage is in the studio now, writing the new album," he said, thumbing through a copy of this month's Alternative Press.

"Awesome. I need some more Killswitch in my life! I love their song on Guitar Hero," I said, pretending to play some air guitar.

"Man, you get so excited about the some of the most questionable things," he laughed, shaking his head. "It’s a mystery why I associate myself with you."

"Cuz I'm sexy," I smiled.

"Well, I'm not gonna deny that babe," he winked.

"I don't think any man on the planet would deny that fact," one of our regular clients, Russ, said from his spot at Blix's station.

"Well aren't you just a Casanova?" I winked at him.

"I tend to get that from time to time," he grinned.

"I swear, no matter what, there's some guy always hitting on you. It's a wonder why you're single in a city of guys that keep throwing themselves at you," Brody chuckled.

I shrugged, "I guess I'm just not so interested in guys these days."

The truth was, since my wedding, I haven't really been able to get over Brian. I found myself still in shambles over what Brian did to me that night. Catching someone you love on your wedding night with someone else is kind of a tough thing to get over so I was always guarded around men. That situation left me completely self-conscious about people wanting me or finding me attracted, despite the fact that there were plenty of men in New York that frequently approached me and told me I was gorgeous. It just wasn't the person I wanted to hear it from.

I often wondered if Brian thought about me at all or if I was easily forgotten in the past. The band became very successful and started getting regular radio play, especially after 'City of Evil' came out. I would read the magazine articles about the guys and hear about their shows from people who were fans in the shop just to keep up with the latest information of my old friends. Brody was one who really loved their band so I neglected to tell him the fact that I was the wife of their lead guitarist, since it would raise some questions.

It was difficult to listen to their music without remembering the times where it would just be Brian and me alone in our house back in Huntington where he would play me the different guitar bits they were working on. Listening to their music just made me think about all the good times from our younger years, which was too painful for me to deal with. I couldn't do it. I tried my best to get over Brian but over the years, with all that unresolved conflict, I still held some love for the bastard.

It was nearing two in the afternoon and the shop showed no signs of slowing down. Wade had come in not so long ago and was buried in the back with Brody, handling the inventory and the paperwork that needed to get done while I manned the front desk all alone. I had been on the phone, speaking with one of the machinery companies about ordering another tattoo machine for a new artist that was coming to join us when an older man walked in, dressed in what looked like an expensive business suit and carrying a black, leather briefcase.

He was scanning the shop with his light brown eyes for someone before they finally landed on me behind the desk. He started walking over to me so I finished up with the phone call I had and smiled at him as he placed his briefcase on top of the desk. It seemed weird to me that a business man was in here wanting to get a tattoo but I guess since tattoos were the new trend these days, all different kinds of people wanted them. I didn't really bother me that much if some Wall Street broker wants a skull tattooed on his ass.

"Do you have an appointment?" I asked politely.

"Delilah Jade Haner?" he asked point blankly.

I felt my whole body freeze at the mentioning of that name. This random stranger knew exactly who I was and was calling me by my older name. What could this mean? Who exactly was this guy? Should I admit to it being my name or should I deny it? I figured since I had no idea who this yahoo was that I would deny it.

"I believe you have me mistaken for someone else," I replied, shaking my head and shuffling the hangman papers on my desk.

He opened up the briefcase and pulled out a file, opening it up and looking it over before his eyes landed on me again. By this point, Blix was staring at the two of us curiously, either ready to step in and throw this guy out on my signal or to scare him off by trying to sell him a tattoo.

"Casey Delilah Spiegel, formerly Delilah Jade Haner," the man read aloud from the file. He placed it down in from of me and pointed to a picture, "this is you, is it not?" he asked.

I looked down at the picture and sure enough, there was my latest New York ID picture staring me straight in the face. My eyes went wide with shock as I looked over the different information written on the page, seeing different locations of places I've been for the last five years as well as my current residence in the East Village. I looked back up at the man, who was watching me carefully for any kind of reaction.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked incredulously, hastily shutting the file before me and shoving it away.

"Ma'm, I'm a private investigator that was hired by your husband to gather information about your whereabouts," he said, taking the file and shoving it back in his briefcase.

"I think you've made some mistake pal," Blix said, finally walking up to the front counter where the man stood. "She's not married to anyone. She's just a kid for Christ's sake," he said.

"Sir, I assure you that she's married. I have a file that will prove that along with her legal name change," the man told Blix. He turned back to me as I sighed, utterly defeated. "We need to talk."

"What exactly do you want from me?" I asked.

"So this crazy bastard's right?" Blix asked me, looking rather shocked.

I nodded, "You wanna know the kicker about it?" I asked. He just nodded and I sighed again, "I'm married to the lead guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold."

"Oh you're shitting me!" he practically screamed.

"Whoa! What the fuck?" Wade asked, running out from the back with Brody not too far behind.

"Delilah's married to Synyster Gates!" Blix said loudly, pointing at me.

"What?" Wade asked, slightly confused.

"No fucking way!" Brody screamed.

"Look guy," I said, turning my attention back to the man standing before me in his suit, "what the hell do you want from me?"

The man ran a hand through his dark, wavy hair and sighed, obviously not wanting to discuss this matter in public. Given the fact that everyone now knows about my marriage to Brian, I couldn't see the harm in discussing it with everyone else in the room. He looked at me for a moment, obviously hesitating before letting out a deep breath once again.

"Your husband wants a divorce."

That one statement changed everything.