Skeptics and True Believers

A week had passed since that night at the beach and things were more or less the same. The lawyers were hammering out court schedules, which made it look like I wouldn't be getting into a court room with Brian for a few months, which meant my stay in Huntington would be a lot longer than I thought. Brian showed no signs of caving in and talking to me so I figured that I would just stick it out to make his life miserable. He had the power to end it and he could just make things easier but he was stubborn. He always had been so I knew it would take a little more work to crack him.

Brody was leaving in less than a week because he still worked at Ink Sparks in New York and Wade needed him there, since his family was going through a crisis. I understood that Brody couldn't stay with me the entire time when I found out the true length of my stay so I insisted he go back to help Wade out. Brody was reluctant to leave me alone but I assured him that I would be fine and that he could always come back if things cleared up in New York. I thinking bringing him to California had shifted him to the dark side of west coast living. He loved California.

Since finding out that I would have an extended stay, I told Wade that he should find a replacement for me at Ink Sparks and I wound up finding a photography job in Los Angeles. I had made many connections on my tour abroad in London, Paris, Tokyo, and Milan when I would freelance for editorial magazines so I set out to find a job with my portfolio and landed a gig working a few high fashion photo shoots for a fashion magazine in LA. The idea of shooting models in expensive clothing wasn't something I really got a thrill from, especially since I preferred to take live shots at concerts, but it was a well paying gig so I figured that it would help support me while I was in California.

Sami, Rena, Val, and I found ourselves spending more time together over the week, which was fun to say the least. We were very unconventional in our methods of fun, such as shopping for porn as a birthday gift for Jason from Sami or spending nights at my house, making girly drinks and watching action movies, like 'Gladiator' or 'Smokin' Aces'. It was nice being around Val again, especially since she'd made some friends with some girls that were similar to our personality. They were happy they didn't have to spend time with Tina anymore, since she never wanted to join us because I was there. It was good for everyone in that regard.

The boys would often stop by as well to hang out with Brody or just to kidnap their girlfriends, since I was always hosting these tiny soirées that the boys never got invited to. They would always wind up staying longer than they expected to stay, which was ok with me. I didn't really mind spending time with the boys, especially since tensions were lessened since my mini-mental breakdown at the beach in front of Jimmy. Things between the two of us weren't as awkward as before, which was a plus. It just felt good to get a handle on my old life once again. I had looked forward to it since I got back to California.

"You know, there's just something good about a margarita at eleven in the morning," Brody laughed, glancing at me from his spot on our deck.

"I'll have to agree," I smiled. "Though it does kind of scream 'alcoholic status' doesn't it?"

"It could be worse," he shrugged. "We could already be drunk!"

Brody and I had an early morning run on the beach ad decided to reward ourselves with margaritas before noon, since we had no intentions of going anywhere. Brody was just trying to enjoy his last days of freedom before he returned to the east coast while I was just trying my best to relax before jobs started and court dates were finalized. He was right when he said our alcohol consumption could be worse. With the way we usually were, we would most likely already be drunk.

"You guys are already drinking?" Zacky laughed from his deck.

"Early morning cocktails rule," I said, raising my glass to him.

"You're just jealous that you didn't think of such an awesome idea!" Brody grinned.

"We all went out drinking last night so I've had my fair share of booze," he replied.

"Well, we didn't drink anything last night so we're making up for it this morning," I told him.

"Got any more?" Zacky asked, walking over to our house.

"In the kitchen," Brody said, jerking his head in the direction of the kitchen.

"Who's the alcoholic now?" I laughed.

Zacky walked straight past us into the direction of the kitchen, rolling his eyes at my previous statement. I could hear The Beatles playing loudly through the speakers of the living room and through the doors to where we were seated on the deck. Brody was nodding along to the music; his oversized aviators perched on the end of his nose while he scratched his bare chest. I just leaned back into the chair some more, trying to make myself comfortable as I rested the drink on my stomach.

"Paul and John had it right when they were talking about love and camaraderie," Brody said.

"They kept it all so simple," I smiled. "I just wish real life was that simple, you know?"

"Yeah, I get what you mean. Things would be so much better if we lived under the McCartney and Lennon rules," he laughed.

"That's for sure. Everyone would probably be a lot happier under the 'peace and love' philosophies," I said. "Ah! I love this song!"

"What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?" Brody sang loudly along to the music, nodding his head from side to side.

"Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song and I'll try not to sing out of key," I sang just as loud. "Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends."

"I get high with a little help from my friends," Brody sang.

"Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends," we sang together.

"What's with the sing along?" Zacky asked, walking back out with a drink in hand.

"Throwback to some classic tunes," I shrugged.

"We agreed that The Beatles are amazing," Brody smiled.

"They're extremely pop," Zacky said, taking a sip of his drink. "A little too happy for my taste."

"I'm pretty sure there would be no Avenged Sevenfold without the help of The Beatles," I laughed. "They changed the entire music scene back in the day."

"You do remember Black Sabbath, right? They were known for their metal roots," Zacky pointed out.

"But The Beatles were earlier," I laughed. "And they write awesome, simple music that makes everyone feel good," I said as the song changed. "Oh yeah I'll tell you something. I think you'll understand when I say that something. I wanna hold your hand!" I sang, grabbing Zacky's free hand.

He laughed, snatching his hand back, "You're completely ridiculous. Are you drunk?"

"Not really. This is only margarita number dos?" I said unsurely, holding up two fingers and looking to Brody for confirmation.

"Affirmative," he nodded.

"So are you two just gonna sit around and get drunk all day?" Zacky asked.

"Pretty much that's the general idea," I nodded.

"Later, we're gonna play the 'House' drinking game," Brody grinned.

"The 'House' drinking game?" Zacky said quizzically.

"Yeah, you know Dr. House," Brody said as if it were obvious. "Anyway, Dee and I have created an amazing game that involves taking shots every time he pops a pill and double shots whenever he says something about Cuddy's ass," he explained.

"There's more to it that just that," I said as Zacky just shook his head. "But the general idea of this game is to get completely trashed after just two episodes."

"You two are a strange pair," Zacky laughed.

"We try," I shrugged. "Besides, you're here drinking with us at eleven in the morning. You're just as strange by association," I laughed.

"I was just wondering why I was hearing 60s music so early in the morning so I figured I'd check it out," he shrugged.

"You know, this would be so much better if we were stoned," Brody laughed. "Every time I hear the stuff from the later albums, I wanna get stoned and listen to them."

"Only you think that. Remember when we saw 'Across the Universe' stoned? You were the only one of us that thoroughly enjoyed it," I laughed.

"I should've been on acid instead of shrooms. That would've made things so much better," Brody sighed.

"Regan was the one that said we should shroom. I told her that it wouldn't be the same as drinking the Electric Kool-Aid but oh well. We know next time," I said, taking a sip of my drink.

"Delilah, you do drugs?" Zacky asked in surprise.

"I have. It's not something I do every day but once in a while when the occasion calls for it, I've partaken in some illegal substances," I nodded. "Why are you so shocked? I used to smoke pot with Jimmy all the time when I still lived here," I laughed. "I'm not completely innocent."

"I'm just shocked. I guess I still think of you as the younger version of yourself," he said.

"Oh you mean the innocent, naive girl who never did anything bad until she met Brian's friends," I laughed. "Well, getting away for those five years and living in all the different places allowed me to experience other things I hadn't done before without you guys. I grew up," I shrugged.

"I guess I just need to get used to the fact that you're not the same person you once were," Zacky said.

"Well, I'm just not as naive as I was before. I'm more or less the same person, just older and more experienced with the world," I smiled.

"So, what're your plans for the day Zacky?" Brody asked, finishing off his drink.

"Brian was supposed to be coming over but he's late," Zacky laughed. "He got hammered last night so I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't show up until later."

"Ahh, sounds like fun," I nodded.

"I guess. I'm not sure but I have a feeling he wanted to come over because I'm right next door to you," Zacky shrugged.

"Creepy," Brody laughed, standing up to get another drink.

"He's been asking a lot about you," Zacky said to me.

"Really?" I said in shock. "Why?"

"I guess he's been curious. I don't really know," Zacky shrugged.

"Well shit, if he wants to know about me then he should get off his ass and ask me himself rather than run around and ask everyone else," I laughed.

"I'll make a note to do that," I heard a voice say.

I looked over and found Syn standing on the end of the deck in a pair of jeans and a black sleeveless shirt, his arms crossed over his chest. His hair looked messy, sticking up in random directions but suited him. His aviator shades were covering his brown eyes, making him seem more intimidating than he actually was. He had a small smirk on his face as he stood there watching.

Brody walked back in with the pitcher of margaritas, sipping his glass as he topped me off. He was completely oblivious to the situation that was at hand, nodding his head along to the music and singing along to the song that was playing. I broke my gaze away from Syn and glanced at Brody, breaking out into a smile at his happy-go-lucky personality.

"I wanna learn the harmonica," he said, taking a seat.

"Why's that?" I laughed.

"Then I would be able to survive prison," he said seriously.

"You'd be able to survive prison with a harmonica?" I asked skeptically. "You're so bizarre," I said, shaking my head.

"But you love it," he smiled, leaning over to kiss my cheek. "You can't live without it!"

"So, what did you wanna do today?" Zacky asked Syn, walking toward him with his glass of margarita still in hand.

"When the hell did he get here?" Brody asked in a hushed tone.

"Right before you walked out here talking about harmonicas and prison," I laughed.

"Whatever. He's probably jealous that I've got more musical stylings than he does," he scoffed.

"Yeah right. I think everyone aspires to sing off-key all the time," I teased.

"Leave me alone. I sing just fine," he said, sipping his drink.

"Whatever man," I said, shaking my head.

"So, do you care if we hang around here?" Zacky asked walking back towards us. "That 'House' drinking game sounds like fun."

"Nah, I don't care," I shrugged, thinking about how much I didn't need to be around Syn's arrogance.

"Do you think we could change the music though? I don't think I could get drunk listening to The Beatles," Zacky said, taking a seat on the railing.

"I guess if you have to ruin my fun like this," I sighed, standing up from my seat. I looked to Syn, "Did you want a margarita?"

"Sure," he shrugged.

"Alright," I mumbled, turning back into the house.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass for Syn before wandering back into the living room. I grabbed the iPod and started flipping through the different artists, trying to find something to listen to that would be ok but still had an old school vibe. Finally, I settled on Wolfmother, selecting the first song from the album to play.

"Awesome choice!" Brody called from the deck.

I grabbed the clean glass and walked back out to the back, seeing Brody nodding his head along to the music with a smile on his face. I grabbed the pitcher of alcohol off the small table in between the chairs and filled the glass, handing it to Syn who was sitting across from me. He took it from me and I took my seat once again, sipping my drink.

"Didn't you get to see Wolfmother before they broke up?" Brody asked.

"Yeah, I was in Amsterdam at the time and decided to go when a work colleague got free tickets from the radio. They put on an amazing show," I smiled.

"You were in Amsterdam?" Zacky asked.

"Yeah, I was there for about three months or so for a few photo shoots," I laughed. "One of the best times I had was cruising the Red Light District and watching the window shows," I said.

"Where else did you end up after you ran away from California?" Syn asked in a slightly menacing tone.

"Let's see, I wound up in London and found my dad," I said, ignoring the 'run away' part of his question.

"Really? You got to see your dad?" Zacky asked in apparent surprise.

"Yeah, I did. He helped me out after the wedding and set me up with a few jobs in the area with other photographers. After that, I bounced around France, Italy, Germany, and the Netherlands for three years and then wound up in Japan for the last year and a half. I scored some photography jobs for editorial magazines and also got to take pictures for bands at their concerts. After all that, I moved to New York and started working at the tattoo shop until I came back here. It's been an adventure," I smiled.

"Of course it's been an adventure! You met me after all," Brody laughed.

"That's true," I laughed.

"How'd you two meet anyway?" Zacky asked, drinking some of his margarita.

"We worked together at the same tattoo shop," I smiled.

"She was the one girl whose pants I couldn't get into on her first day so I decided that she was gonna be my challenge but we wound up falling in love after that," Brody chuckled. "She's the one that's always helping me scope out the hotties at the clubs when we go out."

"Brody thought it was awesome t have someone in his life that helped him find hot girls that were willing to sleep with him," I shrugged.

"I would think that's awesome too," Zacky laughed.

"It was amazing though when I met Brody cuz I don't think I've ever really met anyone who was a big fan of you guys until him," I said.

"Way to bring that up Lila," Brody scoffed.

"Well it's true! I mean, I've been all over Europe and Japan and haven't really met anyone that's been a bigger fan than you. It was weird cuz you were the one that kept trying to get me into them," I laughed.

"Well I didn't know you knew them," Brody argued.

"So you haven't been keeping up with the band?" Zacky asked.

"I tried for a while but found it was too," I said, pausing to look at Syn, who was staring at me curiously. I sighed a little, knowing that I would have to admit this to everyone in front of him, which was something I didn't want him to know. "It was just too hard for me."

Zacky cleared his throat, noticing that I had some reluctance when I answered the question and took a drink. I could tell that he was trying to be sympathetic since I didn't want to admit the damage caused by Syn but there was no getting around it. I had been hurt by him and there was nothing to change that. It was just the way the world was.

"I did get a chance to see you guys at a concert though," I said, looking down at my glass.

"You went to one of the shows?" Syn asked in surprise.

I nodded, "Yeah, I saw you guys when you were in Munich right after 'City of Evil' was released."

"Wow, seriously?" Zacky asked.

"Yeah, my cousin's friend wanted to go and had no one else to go with so I decided to go with him, since it was a free show. Who passes up a free show?" I laughed.

I remember that night very clearly. Tommy and I were up front for most of the night and when Sevenfold came out on stage, everything I had been running away from suddenly became a reality. It was hard to be there that night because I couldn't take my eyes off of Brian. He was right there, playing his guitar with ease and looking like he was enjoying every second of it. It killed me to see him so happy because I was definitely not able to move on as easily as he did.

The most difficult part of the evening was when they played 'Seize the Day'. I started crying when that song came on because it was a definite reminder the feelings I had for Brian when things were good. I kept thinking about all the different promises he made me and how we both said that we'd never leave each other. It just made the reality of our relationship come to light and I couldn't handle it. I left the front after that song and watched the rest of the show from the back of the crowd, glad that I couldn't make Brian's face out clearly.

"Well shit, who knew?" Zacky chuckled.

"I even saw you guys afterwards," I smiled. "I was standing right next to you guys but you didn't seem to take notice of me."

"You were right there and we didn't see you?" Syn asked, slightly shocked.

"You guys were too busy looking at all the girls who were barely dressed in anything to notice me," I laughed. "Hell, Johnny knocked into my shoulder trying to follow one girl who barely had a top on."

"That sounds just like Johnny Christ," Zacky chuckled.

"Are you kidding? That sounds like all you guys," I laughed.

"Did you at least like the show?" Zacky asked.

"Yeah, you guys were pretty amazing," I smiled. "It really made me miss you all."

"It still shocks me that you know them," Brody said, shaking his head. "Every time I mentioned Avenged Sevenfold, you always acted totally clueless as to who they were."

"I knew the reaction I would get out of you if I told you that I knew them," I laughed.

"And what's that reaction?" Brody asked.

"Sheer disbelief," I replied.

"Alright, you're right. I would've thought you were a loon. That's true," he chuckled.

"Man, I just can't believe that we were right there in each other's paths a few years ago and didn't even see you," Zacky said shaking his head. "Man, I feel awful now."

"It's cool. I understand. I mean, there were women there with big fun bags sucking away all the attention so it's cool," I shrugged. "I get it."

"You could've said something," Syn said quietly.

"What would I have said?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "Besides, I had a feeling that you guys wouldn't have wanted to see me anyway after the way I left things so I just walked away that night," I shrugged.

"The same way you've always walked away," Syn said coldly.

"That's not fair!" I argued. "I had all the reason in the world to leave that night and I'm not the one that needs to apologize for it!" I yelled. "Fuck it, I'm going inside," I said, standing up and taking the pitcher of alcohol with me.

"See! There you go! Walking away again!" Syn yelled at me. "Something you've truly mastered after all these fucking years!"

"Jeez Brian, why do you have to be such an asshole?" Zacky sighed loudly.

"It's not my fault!" he argued as I walked into the living room.

I walked down the hall and slammed the bedroom door shut, letting out a frustrated noise as I leaned against the door, drinking out of the pitcher. The ice from the pitcher gave me a brain freeze but I didn't really mind. It was actually something that distracted me from the feelings of anger I had toward Synyster Gates.

I wandered towards the stereo and flipped it on, hearing Nine Inch Nails playing loudly from the speakers as I took a seat on the edge of my bed, drinking more of the alcohol that was in the pitcher. I ran a hand through my short hair, trying to find some way of calming myself down after the brief shouting match between Syn and me. It still irritated me that he thought I was the one who should feel guilty about leaving when he drove me away. If there was one thing I knew about him still after all these years, it was that he was completely stubborn when it came to admitting he was wrong.

I set the pitcher down on the ground near the bed and laid back flat onto the mattress, shutting my eyes and tapping my fingers along to the beat. I could allow myself to escape into the darkness of Trent Reznor's haunting words of self-loathing and struggle. Usually, listening to Nine Inch Nails when I was upset or angry calmed me down and made me feel better. There was something about the aggressive guitar riffs and the electric sounds of the synthesizers meshing together that reminded me that things weren't so bad for me.

"Someone take these dreams away that point me to another day; a duel of personalities that stretch all true reality. They keep calling me; keep on calling me," I sang along, tapping my fingers against my stomach.

"Some things just never change," I heard a voice say.

I felt the bed shift beside me and opened by eyes to see the one person that I really didn't want to see at the moment sitting next to me. He had a small smirk on his face, looking down at me as I let out a loud, frustrated sigh. I leaned up, running a hand through my hair and picked up the pitcher of alcohol on the floor, taking a drink from it.

"Some things do though," I said bitterly, glancing at him.

"I figured you'd be in here listening to Nine Inch Nails. They always did make you feel better," he said nostalgically.

"I'm shocked that you can even remember that far back," I said in the same bitter tone.

"I remember everything about you Delilah," he said seriously. "Everything."

"Shocking," I muttered sarcastically. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to apologize for yelling at you before," he said. "It was rude of me, especially since you didn't do anything to warrant such behavior from me."

"Oh my God, I believe hell has just frozen over! The Great Synyster Gates is actually apologizing to someone? You deserve a fucking medal my friend, a big fucking medal," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"Why do you have to be such a bitch all the time?" he snapped. "I'm just trying to apologize to you and you're being difficult."

"I'm not being a bitch," I said. "This is just how I am. I'm sarcastic and fucking exhausted of hearing the same shit over and over again. Now that you've apologized, you can leave. The door is right where it was when you barged into my room," I said, pointing towards the now open door.

"Zacky was the one that told me to come in here. He said that we need to start acting civil towards each other cuz everyone's sick of the fighting," he sighed.

"I don't start the fights. You do," I said, drinking more from the pitcher.

"But you have no problem putting in your two cents like you just did," he said.

"Because you feel the need to get under my skin! Seriously, you don't have to say anything to me. Tina doesn't have to say anything to me. Unless it's the explanation I want to hear from you then I don't wanna hear it!" I yelled.

I sprang up from the bed, walking out of the bedroom and back to the living room. The music had been turned off and the house was completely empty. I walked into the kitchen and noticed a note on the counter from Brody that said that he had gone next door with Zacky to give Syn and me some time to talk. I rolled my eyes and tossed the note in the trash.

"God, why couldn't you just sign the fucking papers?" Syn yelled, tromping into the kitchen.

"Why can't you man up and tell me what I want to know?" I retaliated.

"You're just making things difficult for everyone else by doing this," he shouted, stepping closer to me.

"My job isn't to make your life easier," I said calmly, gripping the edges of the counter. "You sure as hell didn't bother making mine easy that night so why should I extend such a favor to you? I don't see why you get to take the easy way out all the time."

"You think any of this has been easy for me?" he asked incredulously. "You walked out that night without any explanation and I was left wondering where you've been for the last five years! I decided that instead of hanging onto the past that I would move on with my life and I have! I love Tina! I want to marry Tina and the only thing standing in the way of that is you because you're hell bent on spreading your misery!" he yelled, putting his arms on either side of me and gripping the counters.

"I'm not miserable. I'm actually perfectly fine with my life right now but I don't believe in leaving things unfinished. Until this business is settled between you and me, I'm gonna be here," I replied. "I told you, the only way I'll sign the papers is if you just tell me why you decided to hurt me so much. You're the one that has the power to speed this up."

Syn just stood there with me locked in between his arms and breathing heavy from the anger that was boiling inside him. He always was a hothead when it came to someone standing in the way of what he wanted. It got worse in the last months of us being together before the wedding, which was probably a sign for me to not get married to someone that had morphed so much. I couldn't believe how naive I was.

"You're fucking impossible," he growled angrily.

"Only because I'm not letting you take the easy way out. Grow up Syn. Not everything is about making your life easier," I said, grabbing his arm and attempting to move it so I could escape.

He grabbed a hold of my arms and pushed me against the counter, leaning against me so I couldn't move. I looked at him in shock of how forcible he was being but made the mistake of looking in his eyes. He still possessed those eyes that suckered me in the first time I met him, full of warmth and sparking with emotion. Currently, they were angry with a glint of an unidentifiable emotion.

I could feel his hot breath against my face as I noticed how incredibly close he was to me. He kept his menacing stare locked with mine as felt his hands inching closer to my body. He still had that intimidating expression on his face as I felt myself becoming weak in his presence. I took deep breaths, trying to push aside any desire I felt towards him. I started pushing against him, trying to free myself from the close contact by he held me effortlessly in place, leaning further into my lower half so I couldn't wiggle free.

"Seriously, quit fucking around and let me go," I said angrily.

"Why would I make things easier for you when you're not extending the same courtesy to me?" he replied smartly.

"Quit being such a fucking asshole and let me by!" I growled, thrashing against him violently.

"Easy princess. Don't hurt yourself," he said with a smirk.

I attempted to punch him but he grabbed my hand and forced it on top of the counter, gripping my wrist so I wouldn't hit him again. He did the same thing with my other hand so I was restrained. I could feel the warmth of his body radiating into mine, making me grow extremely uncomfortable with the close proximity we found ourselves in. His lips were dangerously close to mine, centimeters apart as he hovered over me with shaky breaths.

This was a situation I wasn't expecting from him. I didn't think it would ever come down to being trapped in the kitchen with Syn restraining me against a counter. I was beginning to wonder what was running through his mind as my heart began to race. What was that damn smirk about?

The questions ended there when he roughly pressed his lips against mine, pressing himself closer into me.

At first, I was shocked and tried to get away from him but when it registered in my mind that I was kissing him again, remembering the feeling that I had longed for, I kissed him back with the same amount of force he showed me. There was a sudden spark that was sent through my body, reminding me of what I had missed out on for the last five years and I found myself unable to get enough of him. His hands were still wrapped around my wrists but he moved both of our arms so his were wrapped around me and mine were restrained behind my back.

He eventually let go of my hands and grasped my hips as he ran a tongue along my bottom lip, desperately seeking permission to invade my mouth. In my drunken haze, I allowed it, prompting him to deepen the kiss as his hands roamed freely over my body. I moaned loudly when his hands grabbed a firm hold of my ass, lifting me up onto the counter. I wrapped my legs around his waist, my hands pulling his short brown hair as I felt the need to get closer to him surge through my body.

His kisses trailed roughly trailed down my neck as I let my hands unbuckle his pants. I knew how wrong this was to be caught up in my emotions but it felt so right to be close to him again. I was too taken in by the past and the current memories to take control of the situation like I should have done. Instead, I was actively participating in his infidelity. I was participating in an activity that had caused me so much pain in the past.

I paused in my actions, pushing his shoulders back away from me as I let my body loosen its grip around him. He pulled away, lust filled in his eyes as well as minor confusion as to why we had stopped. I slid off the counter and walked towards the refrigerator, trying to distance myself from him as much as possible.

"I'm not gonna do this," I said firmly. "I'm not going to let you do that to someone else."

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"You say you love Tina and I respect that. I'm not gonna let you do what you did to me to her. She doesn't deserve that. No one does," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "God, some things never change, no matter how much I want them to."

"This is different Delilah," he argued, trying to reason with me.

"No! This is exactly the same! It's the same damn thing with you. You go around, portraying yourself as some wonderful guy but then eventually, turn into this fucking monster and I'm not gonna take it anymore. As much as I still love you, I won't get sucked into this degradation you seem to enjoy so much," I shouted. "Please, if you're gonna talk to me, then we'll be civil. I'll do that for everyone else but I'm not gonna do anything else. I'm not gonna let this," I said, gesturing between the both of us, "happen again."

Syn looked as if he was unsure of what I was saying. I could tell he wasn't happy with my rejection towards him, since he was a man that was so used to getting what he wanted, but didn't care. I didn't like Tina but that didn't mean that I would subject her to the same emotional pain that he decided to put me through. I couldn't do it. I couldn't deal with the guilt associated with it.

Unable to withstand the tension between Syn and me any longer, I quickly turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving him behind, and headed straight into my room. I shut and locked the door, leaning against it and sliding down to the floor. Nine Inch Nails was still playing loudly through the speakers of the stereo, drowning my thoughts of everything that had happened with Synyster Gates in that kitchen. I couldn't decipher whether I had kissed him because for a moment, I was swept up in the past or if I had wanted some kind of leverage against him later. It wasn't clear at all.

I laid my head against the door and took a deep, shaky breath as I tried to erase the feeling of his lips on mine. I could still feel the tingling sensation in my lips from where they had met with his, letting my fingers brush over them lightly. I tried to forget the feelings of passion and desire that I had spreading throughout my body at the moment of contact. I wanted so desperately to eliminate the sensation his hands gave me when they ran over the small of my back. I tried to ignore the part of me that had been yelling to go back and finish what had been started.

"The more I stay in here, the more it's not so clear. The more I stay in here, the more I disappear. As far as I have gone, I knew what side I'm on and now I'm not so sure. The line begins to blur," I sang aloud, tangling my fingers in my hair and trying to breathe steadily.

In general, I just wanted to forget this day had ever happened. All Synyster Gates did was cause more turmoil and confusion for me than necessary. I didn't need any more blurred lines and I didn't need another train wreck of emotions. All I wanted was a simple explanation for this behavior. What were his motives? How could things spin so out of control so quickly?