Coffee Shop Soundtrack
Wishful Thinking
Wishful thinking…it fills my thoughts all the time… wishes, hopes, dreams, for me, they never come true. Like one time I dreamt of being with someone who loved me and would never leave me but it all turned out to be one big piece of crap encrypted in my head. I wished for all my dreams to come true but all I got was the exact opposite. I’ve tried to kill myself but someone always catches me whenever I try to cut myself and that’s why all my cutters and knives and sharp objects are being confiscated and I always end up asking myself “why am I here? What’s the purpose of my being here when all my hopes and dreams don’t come true and always end up being crushed and shattered into pieces just like my heart which I wish would stop beating at this very moment”. Things come to an end, true. People end their lives whenever and for whatever reason but I wonder why I cant end mine. This life I live in never ceases to make me happy. Not even when I was a child. My parents separated for they only know what and I live with my aunt whose never home and talks to me through a piece of paper on the fridge. I sigh sometimes just to tell myself that I’m still awake and my lungs are still working but I just want them to stop and I want to be freed from this misery my parents put me in. I don’t appreciate my life and I don’t appreciate my parents giving it to me because they don’t even care about me. If they did care, I’d be living with one of them but instead I’m living with paper stuck on the fridge.
Another stupid day. Another time for me to get up and go to work just to survive in this world. So I did morning crap and headed to work.
“Alyson glad you made it on time” my boss greeted. For those who may not know, I work in a coffee shop from 10 in the morning to 6 in the afternoon and I’m satisfied with the money they give to me.
“Yeah…it’s not like I’ve ever been late” I said rolling my eyes as I spoke.
“You know, out of all the employees here, you’re the only one who has a perfect record and for that, I’m giving you a raise”
“Thanks boss”
“No problem” he said and I started to take orders from some customers.
I served at least 20 people today and it was time for my lunch break. But sad thing is I didn’t eat lunch. I hardly eat anything unless I feel the need to. So I just sat down on a table watching people pass by. Then suddenly four guys came in two of them seemed to be arguing about God only knows what. I noticed there was no one by the counter to take their order so I had to go do it myself.
“Hi…um can I please have four cups of coffee” one of the guys said.
“Okay. May I please have your name?”
“Jack Barakat” he said and I just stopped and stared at him. I knew Jack Barakat. He was the one who tore me apart and made me who I am now. Unappreciative and lifeless. But I don’t think he remembers me because after he broke it off with me, I dyed my hair red and I started to put on eyeliner which was really nothing like me before.
“Excuse me, did you hear me?” he said not changing one bit. He was still that annoying and arrogant jackass ever since we first met.
“Yeah I heard you loud and clear. Are you staying in or would you like to take it out?”
“We’ll be staying here.”
“Okay. I’ll just serve it to you so just grab a table and I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
“Thanks.” He said walking towards one of the tables and sitting down with his group of friends.
I served his order to him and sat down in the table I sat in before they came in and everything was silent and suddenly, one of Jack’s friends sat in front of me and started a conversation.
“Hey there, you look like a really pretty girl. What’s your name?”
“Alyson”
“Alyson’s a nice name. I’m Zack.”
“It’s nice to meet you Zack” I said trying to show some enthusiasm.
“Well I just can’t help but notice how beautiful eyes you have.” He said and that’s when I had enough. I stood up and wrote down a note for my boss and I walked towards Jack and said.
“Are you really blind Jack? Or don’t you remember anything at all? Oh wait you don’t because you never remembered anything!”
“What are you talking about? I don’t even know who you are.” He said laughing at me. The other two laughed along as well.
“You see. This proves it.” I said running outside the coffee shop and pushing past all the people blocking my way. I hid in an alley and noticed that the alley wasn’t much of a hiding place because he found me.
“Alyson? Is that you?”
“Yes. It is Jack” I said as tears started falling from my eyes and ruining my make up.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything in fact, why don’t you just go back to the coffee shop and leave me alone like the last time?”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did Jack, you hurt me bad and you left a scar in me and that scar won’t close and it would always be there and it hurts just thinking about it. Why did you have to come back?”
“I didn’t know you were there. What was I suppose to do?”
“Nothing. But now what you are supposed to do is leave me alone.”
“I can’t do that. I can’t just leave you alone”
“And why not?”
“Because I’ve been looking for you everywhere, hoping I can make things right. Hoping that everything would be like it was in the past, just hoping for another chance.”
“Well hoping is what I call bullshit and if I were you I wouldn’t keep hoping for that because those things will never come true”
“Oh is that so? You used to dream big and hope a lot and now you tell me this?”
“Yes because you ruined it for me. You’re the reason why we’re here right now. You’re the reason why I wanted to kill myself so many times because I didn’t know why I was living. You’re the one who crushed all my hopes and dreams away and now here I am in front of you saying this right in your face hoping this would make a difference. Hoping that everything would just crash and I’d die in this very alley and you’d be the reason behind all this. But again, those are just hopes, they’ll never come true.”
“That’s not true. All the things you said, they’re all lies.”
“They are not lies Jack. I said all those things because they were real and if you think that I’m just saying those things because I’m hurt and you think that I’m a disturbed person then you’re wrong”
“I never said that I thought that you were disturbed but me being the reason for your misery is a lie because if you remember clearly, I never wanted to break up with you.”
“Are you crazy? You were the one who said that it was over and then you ran away to tour around the country and when you came back, you had a girl in your arms.”
“That girl was my cousin”
“Lie all you want Jack but I remember it all like it was yesterday and if she was your cousin, why’d you kiss her in the lips?”
“Fine I lied-“
“’Coz that’s what you’re good at Jack, lying. All the things you told me, they were all lies and I believed them and I thought of it as the truth but I couldn’t take anymore of it and I just couldn’t stand it-“
“And that’s when you broke up with me. See I told you that you were the one who broke it off”
“Fine I admit it but with you treating me like shit, why wouldn’t I do the honors?” I said and he shut up. It was exactly like before. We had arguments like this and I always take the last line and he ran away. And that’s what he did who walked away from the ally leaving me behind.
Only question is, will I see him again?
Another stupid day. Another time for me to get up and go to work just to survive in this world. So I did morning crap and headed to work.
“Alyson glad you made it on time” my boss greeted. For those who may not know, I work in a coffee shop from 10 in the morning to 6 in the afternoon and I’m satisfied with the money they give to me.
“Yeah…it’s not like I’ve ever been late” I said rolling my eyes as I spoke.
“You know, out of all the employees here, you’re the only one who has a perfect record and for that, I’m giving you a raise”
“Thanks boss”
“No problem” he said and I started to take orders from some customers.
I served at least 20 people today and it was time for my lunch break. But sad thing is I didn’t eat lunch. I hardly eat anything unless I feel the need to. So I just sat down on a table watching people pass by. Then suddenly four guys came in two of them seemed to be arguing about God only knows what. I noticed there was no one by the counter to take their order so I had to go do it myself.
“Hi…um can I please have four cups of coffee” one of the guys said.
“Okay. May I please have your name?”
“Jack Barakat” he said and I just stopped and stared at him. I knew Jack Barakat. He was the one who tore me apart and made me who I am now. Unappreciative and lifeless. But I don’t think he remembers me because after he broke it off with me, I dyed my hair red and I started to put on eyeliner which was really nothing like me before.
“Excuse me, did you hear me?” he said not changing one bit. He was still that annoying and arrogant jackass ever since we first met.
“Yeah I heard you loud and clear. Are you staying in or would you like to take it out?”
“We’ll be staying here.”
“Okay. I’ll just serve it to you so just grab a table and I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
“Thanks.” He said walking towards one of the tables and sitting down with his group of friends.
I served his order to him and sat down in the table I sat in before they came in and everything was silent and suddenly, one of Jack’s friends sat in front of me and started a conversation.
“Hey there, you look like a really pretty girl. What’s your name?”
“Alyson”
“Alyson’s a nice name. I’m Zack.”
“It’s nice to meet you Zack” I said trying to show some enthusiasm.
“Well I just can’t help but notice how beautiful eyes you have.” He said and that’s when I had enough. I stood up and wrote down a note for my boss and I walked towards Jack and said.
“Are you really blind Jack? Or don’t you remember anything at all? Oh wait you don’t because you never remembered anything!”
“What are you talking about? I don’t even know who you are.” He said laughing at me. The other two laughed along as well.
“You see. This proves it.” I said running outside the coffee shop and pushing past all the people blocking my way. I hid in an alley and noticed that the alley wasn’t much of a hiding place because he found me.
“Alyson? Is that you?”
“Yes. It is Jack” I said as tears started falling from my eyes and ruining my make up.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything in fact, why don’t you just go back to the coffee shop and leave me alone like the last time?”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did Jack, you hurt me bad and you left a scar in me and that scar won’t close and it would always be there and it hurts just thinking about it. Why did you have to come back?”
“I didn’t know you were there. What was I suppose to do?”
“Nothing. But now what you are supposed to do is leave me alone.”
“I can’t do that. I can’t just leave you alone”
“And why not?”
“Because I’ve been looking for you everywhere, hoping I can make things right. Hoping that everything would be like it was in the past, just hoping for another chance.”
“Well hoping is what I call bullshit and if I were you I wouldn’t keep hoping for that because those things will never come true”
“Oh is that so? You used to dream big and hope a lot and now you tell me this?”
“Yes because you ruined it for me. You’re the reason why we’re here right now. You’re the reason why I wanted to kill myself so many times because I didn’t know why I was living. You’re the one who crushed all my hopes and dreams away and now here I am in front of you saying this right in your face hoping this would make a difference. Hoping that everything would just crash and I’d die in this very alley and you’d be the reason behind all this. But again, those are just hopes, they’ll never come true.”
“That’s not true. All the things you said, they’re all lies.”
“They are not lies Jack. I said all those things because they were real and if you think that I’m just saying those things because I’m hurt and you think that I’m a disturbed person then you’re wrong”
“I never said that I thought that you were disturbed but me being the reason for your misery is a lie because if you remember clearly, I never wanted to break up with you.”
“Are you crazy? You were the one who said that it was over and then you ran away to tour around the country and when you came back, you had a girl in your arms.”
“That girl was my cousin”
“Lie all you want Jack but I remember it all like it was yesterday and if she was your cousin, why’d you kiss her in the lips?”
“Fine I lied-“
“’Coz that’s what you’re good at Jack, lying. All the things you told me, they were all lies and I believed them and I thought of it as the truth but I couldn’t take anymore of it and I just couldn’t stand it-“
“And that’s when you broke up with me. See I told you that you were the one who broke it off”
“Fine I admit it but with you treating me like shit, why wouldn’t I do the honors?” I said and he shut up. It was exactly like before. We had arguments like this and I always take the last line and he ran away. And that’s what he did who walked away from the ally leaving me behind.
Only question is, will I see him again?