Watermelon Smiles

Wow. I have no clue what to do. Right now, I'm just sorta chillin' at Pete's. Yes, I'm still here. Brendon says he doesn't mind, that Pete had me before he did, but, I can hear it in his voice, he wants me there. And, both the angel and the devil have decided to quit due to all of the stress and traveling. Apparently the angel has two kids and a wife, the devil said he just needs to "get back to his life". So, I'm stranded on an island, they wouldn't even accept the raise I offered them.

So, as all people do when they're abandoned by their angels and devils, I went to my best friend. Spencer told me to follow my heart. But, that didn't help much, my heart wants both of them, which I know it can't have. So, until it decides to figure out what it wants, I'm torn in two, stuck at the fork in the road. And, who knows for how long? A century? An eternity? The days alone feel like years when I'm stuck here. It's so unfair! Why can't I have both? Morals? Who cares!? Surly, Brendon does, and Pete, he probably wants me all to himself, which, I can't blame him. I want him for my own too. But, I want Brendon.

Then, there's another problem, dear Journal, Brendon's hand print on my heart seems to be fading. And, I swear, it's not him. How could it be? He's perfect....it's just...My interest keeps lacking towards him. Which, is odd. You'd think that I would be talking about Pete in this situation, I've been with him longer. But, I'm not. It's Brendon. And, I want to know who decided to spray their Windex on my heart. Pete? No, it can't be Pete. I'll bet it was the angel....the quiet saints are always the most devious characters. No, he wouldn't do that....

I have to be honest, I'm crumbling. Right before my own eyes too, in front of my mirror. My sleeping problems have only been increasing. So much so, that, as bad as it sounds to both my ears and your pages, I've stole an Ativan or two from Pete to sleep off of. Even still, there are bags under my eyes. Pete asked me what was wrong a few days ago, when he noticed them, I told him I was having trouble sleeping....he offered me a Doctor's appointment. No, not like that, but, an actual Doctor's appointment. I told him no thanks. He just gave me a worried look. I like how he doesn't push me. Though, with the state of my psyche, I'm sure he'll try to nag me into counseling soon if I don't improve. Of course, he'll mean it for my own good. But, what good is a shrink if I already know what my problem is?

And, I've encountered a new problem....the Spider.