Sequel: Famous Friends ›
Watermelon Smiles
May 16th 2009
Well, I was able to convince myself to skip my Therapist appointment today. Thing is, Brendon practically kidnapped me and took me for himself. He's noticed how jittery I've been too, how timid I am around him. And, although I was timid before, he says this isn't timid, it's "fearful" and that there's a difference between the two. He himself was the one who actually convinced me to call in and make the appointment that I tried so hard to miss today. He's worried about me.
Thing is, I already know why I'm like this. I just can't hurt Pete like I have to, I keep telling myself that I can live with this. But, according to that therapist, I can't.
What he told me was what I've known all along, to dump Pete and life will get substantially better for me. Of course, I didn't tell him who I was dating, just that I was in two relationships at one time, that I liked one more then the other, but couldn't get rid of the other. He told me what I've been telling myself.
And, now, here's where the tears start to flow as I pray that the Angel and Devil will come back and tell me what to do.I can't hurt Pete like that, I can't hurt anyone like that. It's just...unfair. And, each time I look at him, or respond to his texts, I can't help but to think either I'm in love with him or I'm just ruining his life. At least I have Brendon here for me, and Spencer's been willing to talk and help me out with this from the very beginning. It's just hard.
I can't let go of either one, and It's killing me. Like, like some sort of disease that eats your brain, rendering you useless before destroying the rest of your major organs. I just can't stand it.
And, I realize now, that I sound like some whiney emo kid, like how people used to picture me. But, I'm not, I'm just a lost puppy trying to find it's way home. I just wan tot be in the right arms, and I can't tell which ones are the right ones. Brendon's...or Pete's? It's hard to tell when all your worried about is how to let one of them go.
Or, should I just forget about both of them?
Thing is, I already know why I'm like this. I just can't hurt Pete like I have to, I keep telling myself that I can live with this. But, according to that therapist, I can't.
What he told me was what I've known all along, to dump Pete and life will get substantially better for me. Of course, I didn't tell him who I was dating, just that I was in two relationships at one time, that I liked one more then the other, but couldn't get rid of the other. He told me what I've been telling myself.
And, now, here's where the tears start to flow as I pray that the Angel and Devil will come back and tell me what to do.I can't hurt Pete like that, I can't hurt anyone like that. It's just...unfair. And, each time I look at him, or respond to his texts, I can't help but to think either I'm in love with him or I'm just ruining his life. At least I have Brendon here for me, and Spencer's been willing to talk and help me out with this from the very beginning. It's just hard.
I can't let go of either one, and It's killing me. Like, like some sort of disease that eats your brain, rendering you useless before destroying the rest of your major organs. I just can't stand it.
And, I realize now, that I sound like some whiney emo kid, like how people used to picture me. But, I'm not, I'm just a lost puppy trying to find it's way home. I just wan tot be in the right arms, and I can't tell which ones are the right ones. Brendon's...or Pete's? It's hard to tell when all your worried about is how to let one of them go.
Or, should I just forget about both of them?
♠ ♠ ♠
Okay, now, I won't be on for the whole of next week, I'm going to be in Washington DC.But, don't worry. It only makes it all the better for me to think up of just how to write the next chapter.
Voting is still up, Brendon's in the lead.
Also, you might have some interest in this, or at least the grand prize.