Sequel: Famous Friends ›
Watermelon Smiles
July 30th
No, no. I didn't lose you again. You've been sitting on my bed-stand, don't you remember? Then again, your blind.
Things have only gotten worse. And, I can't seem to fix them. I've asked Pete if he could try some negotiating, but of course, he told me to be a big boy and clean up my own mess. More so, he told me to do what I think is best. And, right now, with the Angel and Devil gone and the world so foggy, I can't see what's best for me, for Brendon, for the band.
It's insane and I'm falling...no, no, no. I have to admit this sooner or later; I've crashed and burned. It's over now, I can feel it. But, I just can't find a way to make a clean break. It's going to be rocky, either way. Especially if I meet up with Brendon to tell him. I don't want to tell Brendon, I'd rather tell Spencer or Jon. Anyone but Brendon. I wouldn't be able to bear the pain in his eyes, the tears in his soul. I'd go back to him, running and begging for forgiveness. How could you say 'No' to those eyes?
I was thinking about asking Pete to do it for me, but if he told me to clean up my own mess, he meant all of it. And, if he did do it for me, he'd be a bitch about it. He'd never let any of us live it down. He'd be blunt and snobby, to make it look like I was with him, like I hated the boys. And, I don't. I'm just scared.
I have to apologize to you too, dear pages, for putting you through such grief and then forgetting about you for weeks at a time. It's not fair to you, at all. You deserve better. Your pages should be filled with joy, with how two lovers are going off into the sunset to build their dreaming into reality. You deserve much better then my life's high and disoriented stories...you deserve a story, that's honest to the heart, that's the exact definition of happiness. I wish I could give you that. But, I think it's becoming obvious that I can't. It's impossible for my life to be happy, it always has to be sad. Weather it's not having a mother, my father being an alcoholic, his death, falling in love, being beat, or shooting up.
I'm sorry for being blunt.
Things have only gotten worse. And, I can't seem to fix them. I've asked Pete if he could try some negotiating, but of course, he told me to be a big boy and clean up my own mess. More so, he told me to do what I think is best. And, right now, with the Angel and Devil gone and the world so foggy, I can't see what's best for me, for Brendon, for the band.
It's insane and I'm falling...no, no, no. I have to admit this sooner or later; I've crashed and burned. It's over now, I can feel it. But, I just can't find a way to make a clean break. It's going to be rocky, either way. Especially if I meet up with Brendon to tell him. I don't want to tell Brendon, I'd rather tell Spencer or Jon. Anyone but Brendon. I wouldn't be able to bear the pain in his eyes, the tears in his soul. I'd go back to him, running and begging for forgiveness. How could you say 'No' to those eyes?
I was thinking about asking Pete to do it for me, but if he told me to clean up my own mess, he meant all of it. And, if he did do it for me, he'd be a bitch about it. He'd never let any of us live it down. He'd be blunt and snobby, to make it look like I was with him, like I hated the boys. And, I don't. I'm just scared.
I have to apologize to you too, dear pages, for putting you through such grief and then forgetting about you for weeks at a time. It's not fair to you, at all. You deserve better. Your pages should be filled with joy, with how two lovers are going off into the sunset to build their dreaming into reality. You deserve much better then my life's high and disoriented stories...you deserve a story, that's honest to the heart, that's the exact definition of happiness. I wish I could give you that. But, I think it's becoming obvious that I can't. It's impossible for my life to be happy, it always has to be sad. Weather it's not having a mother, my father being an alcoholic, his death, falling in love, being beat, or shooting up.
I'm sorry for being blunt.
♠ ♠ ♠
I honestly thought that no one would read this anymore, that this whole idea was going to have to be trashed.But, you guys proved me wrong. And, I want to thank you for that. Even in times like these your sticking to your pleasures. I admire you for that.
So, what do you guys think about Panic!'s single New Perspective or perhaps, The Young Vein's single Change? Both are love.
I'm going to start updating this more often, I promise.
-Smith