Not up to Me, Not up to You

“You did what?”

Matt’s eyes quickly snapped away from Kelly as he turned to see Brian stood there.

“She kissed me.” He said smugly.

“Brian, no, it’s not like it sounds.” Kelly yelled walking towards him as his face burned with anger and hurt.

“So you didn’t kiss him?” Brian yelled. Kelly stopped in front of him. She couldn’t lie to him. Her face fell into her chest, her heart rate quickening.

“Yes she did!” Matt replied behind her. Kelly slowly looked up to see the hurt in Brian’s eyes. Her heart began to sink as he turned to walk away.

“Brian, wait. He kissed me; it didn’t mean anything, I, I,” she began to stutter as tears began to run down her cheeks.

“I love you.” she yelled after him.

“Brian!” she yelled just as she heard Matt snigger behind her. She rounded on him, glaring at him murderously.

“I fucking hate you Sanders! Get away from me!” she screamed as Jimmy emerged from the bar looking confused.

“Hey what’s going on?” he asked sobering up slightly.

“Kelly? What’s happened? Hey, calm down.” He said wiping the tears away from her face and pulling her into a hug.

“He’s gone.” She sobbed into his chest as he soothingly rubbed her back.

“Who?” Jimmy asked softly.

“Brian, he’s gone. He’s found out that I kissed Matt and he’s gone.” She sobbed louder.

“Babe, it’s ok, he’ll be – wait. You kissed Matt?” Jimmy said pulling her away from him to look at her. Kelly slowly lifted her head to look into his eyes and nodded.

“I didn’t mean to. He kissed me first. I only kissed him back because I was craving sex. But now Brian knows and everything’s fucked up. He’s gone.” She explained in between sobs.

“Babe, everything’s going to be fine. He probably just needs to calm down, think things through.” Jimmy said quietly.

“Come on, you can stay with me and Leana tonight. We’ll talk to Brian in the morning and sort all of this out.” Jimmy said calmly ushering her back towards the bar.

“Jimmy wait, I can’t go back in there.” She motioned into the bar.

“Ok, wait here, I’ll go grab Leana and your purse.” Jimmy said gently placing a kiss on her forehead.

As she waited for Jimmy to return she took her cell phone out of pocket and began to write a message.

“I love you Brian xxx more than anything x”

She sent the message and wiped more tears off her face just as Jimmy and Leana emerged from the bar.

“Hey, let’s get you back to ours; you need to get some rest. This is not good for the baby.” Leana said softly placing a comforting arm around her waist. Kelly nodded silently and didn’t speak another word until she was in Jimmy and Leana’s house.

“Sorry babe, but this is my baggiest t-shirt.” Leana said walking into the living room and passing Kelly the t-shirt.

“That’s ok.” She replied simply and solemnly.

“Are you going to be ok?” Jimmy asked as Kelly stared blankly at the shirt in her hands.

“If I can get Brian to believe me.” She said simply, slowly standing up.

“Everything will be better in the morning.” Leana said with a comforting smile. Kelly nodded woefully and silently climbed the stairs to the spare room.

She changed into Leana’s shirt which clung tightly to her stomach and put on the pair of Jimmy’s broad shorts before climbing into bed.

She lay in darkness, trying to get comfortable hoping that sleep would soon overcome her body. Just as she was drifting off she felt her phone vibrate from under the pillow. She quickly grabbed it and opened it to read it hoping that it was Brian.

She sighed deeply when she realised it only from her mom. She didn’t even read it. She was too upset and tired to even wonder why her mom had sent her a message. She turned her phone off and slipped it back under the pillow and cried herself to sleep.

She awoke the following morning with the event from the previous night still fresh in her mind. Her eyes stung form all the crying. She sighed deeply and rubbed her swollen stomach. She realised she hadn’t felt him kick since she’d left the bar the night before. Slowly she reached under her pillow and pulled out her cell phone and switched it on. She waited silently, praying for a message to come through from Brian, continuing to rub her bump trying to get her son to wake up. Her phone stayed silent and the baby stayed still.
Sighing deeply she decided to get up; putting on the clothes she’d taken off the night before.
The smell of coffee met her nostrils as she reached the bottom of the stairs with voices coming from the kitchen. Leana’s voice stopped as Kelly walked quietly into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

“Hey. Did you sleep ok?” Jimmy asked.

“Can I get you anything?” Leana asked before she could answer Jimmy’s question.

“Um, do you have any cheerio’s?” she asked quietly. Leana nodded and got up to get them from the cupboard.

“Since when do you like cheerio’s?” Jimmy asked with a smile.

Kelly looked up at him and returned the smile. “Since about 20 weeks.”

“Have you heard from Brian?” he asked quietly as she began to eat her cereal. She shook her head solemnly.

“What are you going to do Hun?” Leana asked.

“I’m going to have to go and see him.” Kelly said once she’d finished chewing the spoonful of cereal.

“I’ve got to tell him what really happened. I love him too much to let him go without a fight.” She added.

“I’ll drive you over there after breakfast.” Jimmy stated.

“I’ll wait out here in case you need me.” Jimmy said as they pulled up outside her house. The car was still in the driveway which gave her a shimmer of hope that he was still there. Silently she nodded at Jimmy and left the car, slowly making her way up to the front door. Hesitantly she took her keys out of her purse and opened the front door. The house was silent and dark.

She went into the kitchen and looked out into the back yard. There was no sign of Brian. Slowly she made her way upstairs, which was just as quiet and dark as what downstairs had been. There was no one in the bathroom so Kelly walked down the corridor to the bedroom. She pushed the door open and felt her heart skip a beat when she saw that Brian wasn’t there.

“Shit where is he?” she said quietly to herself scanning the room. He’d been here. The clothes he’d been wearing the previous night were scattered across the floor and the bed had been slept in. But where was he now? She scanned the room again and quickly looked in the closet and draws for his stuff. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that it was all still there.

She turned and walked back downstairs. She grabbed her keys and her purse off the coffee table and walked back out to Jimmy.

“He’s not here.” She said simply glancing over at him.

“What do you want to do? Where do you think he’d be?” he asked. Kelly thought silently for a moment.

“What if he’s gone to Matt’s?” she asked looking at Jimmy with a look of horror across her face. Without a word Jimmy started the engine and pulled off towards Matt’s house.

As soon as Jimmy had stopped the car outside Matt’s house, Kelly was out of it and storming up the driveway as fast as she could at almost seven months pregnant. By the time she reached the door Jimmy had caught up with her. She pounded heavily on the door three times and waited impatiently for an answer. She was about to hit hell out of the door again when it opened.

“What?” Matt yelled groggily. He’d obviously been woken up but that didn’t bother Kelly in the slightest.

“Have you seen Brian?” she asked angrily.

“Brian? No why? Has he left you?” on the surface his reply sounded full of concern. But the smirk that he tried hard to hide showed Kelly that he was hoping that Brian had left her.

“No. He hasn’t left me.” Kelly growled back.

“But you fucked things up for us. I need to find him and explain everything to make sure I don’t loose him.” Kelly added.

“Hey, I can’t take all the blame. You kissed me back remember?” Matt smirked stepping forward into the doorway.

“It was a mistake. You should never –“

“You were enjoying it. I heard you moan. Just admit it.” Matt smirked.

“I fucking hate you Sanders!” Kelly screamed as she lunged forward ready to hit him. Luckily for him, pregnancy had done nothing for her aim or her balance so he was able to get out of the way as she stumbled against the doorframe as Jimmy leapt to her side to stop her from falling all the way.

“Honey, he’s obviously not here, come on, let’s go find him. Think about the baby.” Jimmy said calmly trying to usher her back down the driveway.

“Wait a second. I’ve got one last thing to say.” She said looking up at Jimmy before turning back to look at Matt.

“You’ve got to hurry up and accept the fact that I’m with, and love Brian. He’s going to be a part of my life and our baby’s life. If you can’t deal with that then you are going to have to learn to deal with not seeing your own son.” She said calmly before turning and walking back to the car with Jimmy.