Not up to Me, Not up to You

Kelly lay in bed staring at the scan photo that had been taken almost two weeks before. On this one, unlike the first she could clearly see a baby. It had suddenly made everything feel so real; seeing it there on the screen, hearing the fast heartbeat, having the pre-natal paternity test.

The morning sickness had stopped but Kelly had started to put on some weight. Although she couldn’t be sure if it was natural baby weight or the fact that she seemed to be eating more junk food in one day than she’d normally eat in a month.

A week ago she’d had the paternity test taken and was now waiting anxiously for the results that were being sent in the post. She sighed deeply as she continued to stare at the photo of her baby as the smell of bacon and eggs came wafting into the room. She turned in the bed to face Brian walking into the bedroom with a tray, on which was two plates with breakfast and 2 glasses of orange juice.

“Morning beautiful. Are you hungry?” he asked as Kelly pushed herself up into a sitting position and nodded. He placed the tray gently onto her lap and she immediately began to eat a slice of bacon.

“Has the mailman been yet?” she asked nonchalantly as if she wasn’t eagerly waiting for something to arrive.

Brian shook his head. “Not yet babe, I was keeping an eye out while I made breakfast, but it’s still early, he could still come.” Brian replied taking a bite out of his slice of toast.

“This bacon is cooked to perfect-“ Kelly began but stopped as she listened intently.

“That was the mailman.” She said lifting the tray off her lap and jumping out of bed. She ran down stairs and to the front door where three envelopes were sat on the floor beside the door. She picked them up and studied the names on them as Brian joined her. Without looking up she passed him the first two letters that had his name on them and then glared at the third.

“Is that it?” Brian asked discarding his mail and stepping forward. Kelly nodded silently, still staring at the envelope. Suddenly she dropped it, clasped her hand over her mouth and ran quickly up the stairs to the bathroom and threw up her breakfast.

Silently Brian sat down beside her next to the toilet and took hold of her hand, the envelope in his other hand.

“Babe, you’ve got to do this.” He said quietly as she turned to face him. She nodded and took the letter out of his hands. With a deep breath she ripped open the envelope and took out the sheet of paper and began to read it quickly. Brian watched her face intensely as her eyes made their way rapidly down the page.

Solemnly her eyes lifted from the piece of paper and met with Brian’s.

“You’re not the father. Matt is.” She said simply and quietly as tears edged closer to the corners of her eyes. Brian’s face fell, his head almost hitting his chest. No matter how many times he’d said over the past ten weeks that he was preparing to hear that Matt was the father, Kelly knew that he really wanted it to be his and this was confirmed now by the look of disappointment on his face.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered quietly as the tears began to fall.

“It was only ever a small chance.” He replied with a small smile as he reached his hand up to wipe her tears away.

“Now I’ve to do the hardest part. Tell Matt.” Kelly sighed and Brian nodded.

“Well, no time like the present I guess.” She sighed again and lifted herself up.

“You’re going now?” Brian asked a little shocked.

“I’ve got to. It’s only a matter of time before I really start to show and the others will figure it out and I can’t risk him finding out from them instead of me. The sooner I do this the better.” Kelly reasoned.

Kelly showered and got dressed and made her way downstairs where Brian was sat on the sofa with the letter in his hand.

“Babe?” Kelly said quietly, getting his attention as he lifted his head to look at her. As she took a step closer to him she spotted his eyes glint with tears.

“You really wanted it to be yours didn’t you?” Kelly asked as she sat down opposite him on the coffee table. Brian nodded silently and caught the small tear that escaped his eye with his thumb.

“Babe, it’s not going to change anything between us. You know that right?” Kelly asked taking hold of his hand and lacing her fingers with his.

“I guess I just don’t want you and Matt to decide to give things another go for the sake of the baby.” Brian said quietly.

At the sound of these words Kelly crouched down in front of him and kissed him fully on the lips.

“Babe, you’ve got nothing to worry about. This baby isn’t going to change anything between us. I still love you.” she said quietly kissing him again.

“I love you too.” he whispered before she kissed him again with a smirk on her lips.

“I’ve got to do this, but I’ll text you when I’m on my way home so you can be waiting for me.” She smiled before kissing him forcefully on the lips as she stood up.

A small growl left Brian’s throat as her lips left his before she took the letter from him and put it in her purse and grabbed her keys.

“Don’t take too long” he called after her as she opened the front door.

“I’ll be back before you know it.” She called back, closing the door behind her.

Before getting ready Kelly had tried to ring Matt and had sent him a message but hadn’t got an answer. As she walked out to the car she tried to ring him again. It rang three times before she was cut off, so she decided to send him another message.

“Matt we really need to talk. It’s important.” She typed simply and hit the send button.
She drove to her old house first but there was no one there and his car was not in the driveway. Next she would try the bar; he could be doing the day shift.

She stopped outside the bar and looked through the windows. There she saw him, walking around the bar collecting glasses and chatting to the customers.

She watched him for a moment or two running what she was going to say to him through her mind, trying to make it sound right. She took a deep breath as she watched him walk back behind the bar to serve a waiting customer. This wasn’t the best place to tell him, but if she didn’t do it know then she would bottle out of doing it altogether and he would find out through someone else, and she couldn’t let that happen.

Slowly she walked into the bar, aware of one or two people staring at her. It was to be expected, most of them knew who she was and knew what she’d done to Matt.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Matt yelled as he spotted her walking up to the bar.

“I’ve been trying to get hold of you. We need to talk!” she said timidly as they walked down opposite sides of the bar to where there was a gap for staff to get through.

“No, we don’t need to talk. There’s nothing to say.” He growled, his hand tightening dangerously around the glass he had in his hand.

“Matt, I don’t want to do this here, but we really need to talk.” Kelly said, trying to keep calm as her eyes ran over his body. Truth be told he looked awful. There was no nicer way to put it. His face was covered in uneven stubble and from where she was stood his once muscle clad body was looking out of shape.

“Talk about what Kelly?” he yelled.

“Do you want to talk about how you left me standing in that wedding chapel like a fool? About how you ran off with a guy that you apparently barely knew? Have you come to tell me how great he is? or have you come to tell me it was all a big mistake and you want forgiveness?” Matt yelled angrily.

“Fuck off Kelly. I hate you.” he yelled and walked off back down the bar.

“I’ve come to tell you that you’re going to be a father!” Kelly yelled as tears expelled from her eyes. Matt stopped abruptly and dropped the glass he’d been holding. Everyone in the bar stopped whatever they were doing and turned to stare at them as Matt turned back around to stare at her.