Breaking Down the Unbreakable

He pulled the door closed and lead me to a set of couches around the corner from Lauren's room and sunk down onto one of them, resting his head in his hands with his elbows on his knees. I slid down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, tracing circles on his back with my fingernails.
We stayed like that for a while. I didn't know what to do, but I knew when I was like this I just wanted to know someone was there, so I figured this way my time to be that for him.
That's when I heard something I never thought I'd hear.
I thought smiling was a big deal for Seth.
I never expected to ever see him cry.
But I heard him let out a gentle sob and felt a small shake in his shoulders. He was definitely crying.
"Seth?" I laid my hand flat on his back. "Seth, what's wrong?"
"This whole situation." He didn't lift his head, but I heard him well enough.
"Seth, you have to explain it to me, because I don't know what's going on." I pulled his shoulder and brought his tear-stained face up to look at mine. "I want to be here for you, and I'll do what I can, but I need to know what's wrong before I can do anything."
"Didn't you see her?"
"Yes. She looks happy." I shook my head, feeling more than confused.
"She's faking it. She plays like she's fine and it's normal to live in a hospital and have barely any friends and never be able to go to school. But I've seen her when she sleeps and when she thinks I'm not looking. She's in pain, and I can't do anything to help her."
"What does she have?"
"MS. Multiple Sclerosis " He let his head droop a bit. "She has basically numb legs. She doesn't walk by herself. She hates the heat. And half the time she doesn't see clearly, like she sees double."
"And they can't do anything for her?"
"They've been trying for the past 4 years." He looked up at me with sad eyes. "For a while it was monthly visits. Then weekly. Then more and more until they gave her a permanent room."
"When was that?"
"About a year ago." His head fell again. "Riley, I don't know what to do."
"You do what you look like you've been doing. Take care of her and your parents. Just be there for her. If you're scared I can only imagine what she's going through."
"Which is why I feel like I have to protect her. I have to help her. I'm her older brother. I've always been the one to chase the monsters and keep her safe, but I can't save her from this."
"Then that's not your job this time." I twisted to face him and pulled his hands into mine in my lap. "This time your job is to come here and see her, and laugh with her and smile with her."
"I hate seeing her like that."
"Like what?" I wrinkled my forehead. "Seth, she looked pretty pleased to me. I mean she was happier for you that you have a girlfriend than you might have been. She looks beautiful. And she just needs to know that her older brother loves her and isn't going to let her be alone."
"She's never alone. My dad's here almost 24 hours every day. He works from that stupid chair every day. And when he's not there, my mom is, or I am. She's never alone."
"Parents are different than siblings though. Parents come because they're parents. When a sibling comes it's because they want to. Siblings say more with one smile than parents do with a million pieces of advice." I held his hands and tried to catch his eye, but he seemed fascinated with a spot on the ground.
"But I can't stop it." His tears were falling a bit more freely now. "She'd dying, and I can't do anything to help her. I can't stop it from happening."
He let his body fall and his head landed in my lap. He was shaking and crying and I had no idea what to do. I let my hand run through his hair, remembering how my mom used to do it to me when I had a hard day as she would sing to me.
I leaned down and kissed his head and started singing in his ear the song he'd been helping me remember all week. I sang the song I'd heard since I was a baby. I sang him my mom's song right there in the hospital.
I whispered the last line of the song in his ear and laid my head on his, still stroking his hair.
We sat like that for a while. It could have been hours or seconds. It didn't matter.
"Riley?" He whispered from where he was. "How can I be strong for her, when I'm so scared inside?"
"It's hard at first." I thought about my mom and I remembered sitting in the hospital with her. "For a while you just try to keep things normal. Make her think nothing's changed. Then you start feeling hopeless and scared. And eventually you realize that they're more important than anything, and that you want them to be happy."
"But how? I don't even know how to make her smile." I lifted my head up and stopped playing with his hair.
"Did you not see her light up when you walked in the room?" He lifted his head too to look at me.
"She lit up at seeing you." I reached up and wiped a tear from his face.
"No, Seth." I shook my head and laughed a little. "She lit up at you. And then she lit up even more when she found out you'd asked a girl out. She was happy knowing you were still living."
"But she's in the hospital. I should be here holding her and making sure she's ok."
"Seth! She's surrounded by doctors and your parents. One thing I learn from my mom is that she'd never be happy when I sat next to her day after day. She wanted me to go out with people and live life." I leaned back a little into the corner of the couch. "And I didn't. I stayed by her bed. I didn't realize that she'd want me to keep going until now."
I pulled him to me, and he rested his head on my shoulder as we laid down together.
"You made me realize that life goes on. And the best thing we can do is remember."
"How did I do that?" He looked up at me.
"I don't know. Must be magic or something." I held him to me. "When you told me my mom wouldn't want me to lose my talent, you were right. And I want you to know that your sister would never want you to stop living because of her."
I stayed holding him in my arms as he cried for a long time than evening. But I couldn't think of anywhere I'd rather be. This is what he needed from me. This is what I needed to do.
I absentmindedly played with his hair just thinking about everything we'd gone through in the last week.
And in my head I was concocting a plan. Something to help him, and me. And his sister.
I looked down at him, to see he was sleeping. It was the most peaceful he'd looks since I'd met him.
And that look he wore in his sleep helped me know everything would be ok.
So I rested my head on his and fell asleep with him.
Right there on a hospital couch.
And it was probably the best sleep I've had in a year and a half.